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AIBU?

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Original poster

Odd girl in daughters class

241 replies

Scottishbornandbread43 · 20/01/2025 05:33

Daughter is in primary school and has always had a nice group of friends.
There is a girl in her class that is a bit strange (sorry please don’t think im
being mean). She talks and sings to herself at inappropriate times, she chews everything and leaves bite marks on everything including other people’s property- her conversations are odd - constantly talking about bugs, she asks my daughter every day if she’s had her period yet (daughter is 10). There is a list of strange things this girl does.

My daughter felt sorry for her as no one played with her but now my daughter has found her other friends now don’t want to play with her.

My daughter spoke to me over the weekend and said she doesn’t want to be friends with this girl anymore but says she follows her around saying ‘she worships her’ (which I think is bizarre)and doesn’t want to be told off for telling her to leave her alone.

I feel sorry for this girl as did my daughter but I don’t think my daughter realised how intense she would become.

any advise? My daughter tried being kind but is now so upset as she doesn’t want be unkind to her but she just wants some space from her

OP posts:
ladyamy · 20/01/2025 05:45

(SEN teacher here)

It sounds to me like she could have ASD.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 20/01/2025 05:47

ladyamy · 20/01/2025 05:45

(SEN teacher here)

It sounds to me like she could have ASD.

My thoughts too

Iwilladmit · 20/01/2025 05:48

Can you talk to the class teacher. It sounds like she needs support and that shouldn’t have to come from your daughter.

Original poster
Scottishbornandbread43 · 20/01/2025 05:49

Yes I’m sure she has something going on. Any advice on how my daughter handles this situation?
She tried being kind but feels like it’s backfired on her

OP posts:
Tumblingthrough · 20/01/2025 05:53

Yes, SEN.

Lovely of your DD to make friends with her.
Speak to the teacher as you will need her help to manage this in a sympathetic way for everyone.

Gumbuyahpark · 20/01/2025 06:04

I think it’s irrelevant what issues the other child has or does not have - OP’s number one concern is her own child and her own child is upset and wants space.

You are going to have to contact the teacher/school and be very clear that you want your child’s right to space to be respected as they will be reluctant to act to upset the SEN child.

FeralWoman · 20/01/2025 06:06

ladyamy · 20/01/2025 05:45

(SEN teacher here)

It sounds to me like she could have ASD.

Even if she does it’s okay for OP’s DD to put boundaries in place and have the girl leave her alone. ASD doesn’t entitle anyone to ignore other people’s boundaries. OP’s DD doesn’t have to maintain any sort of friendship with her.

(Disclaimer: I’m a mum of a DD with ASD.)

Rachmorr57 · 20/01/2025 06:06

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

OneBrightAzureBiscuit · 20/01/2025 06:15

this girl clearly has Autism or learning difficulties- and I find it misplaced how a 10 year old would know the word “worship” when referring to this.
if you’re very concerned could you speak to the girl’s parent?

Piccalow · 20/01/2025 06:18

ladyamy · 20/01/2025 05:45

(SEN teacher here)

It sounds to me like she could have ASD.

And? OP wants advice on how to help her daughter not a diagnosis for the kid who keeps bugging her kid.

Piccalow · 20/01/2025 06:19

Gumbuyahpark · 20/01/2025 06:04

I think it’s irrelevant what issues the other child has or does not have - OP’s number one concern is her own child and her own child is upset and wants space.

You are going to have to contact the teacher/school and be very clear that you want your child’s right to space to be respected as they will be reluctant to act to upset the SEN child.

I think you're going to have to do this too

Fundays12 · 20/01/2025 06:22

It sounds like this girl is autistic but its not your daughter's place to support her. If she doesn't want to be friends with her that's ok (said as a mum on autistic/ADHD child). I would contact the school and speak to them. It's not fair that your daughter is being followed around and pressured into a friendship.

PokerFriedDips · 20/01/2025 06:22

Although it's likely this child has spectrum related SEN that is none of your business. Your sole concern is ensuring that your DDs needs are met and she's protected from being used against her will as part of another child's support plan. Your child mustn't be expected to take the fallout from the other child having inadequate support and supervision. She's as entitled as any other child to choose her own friends and breaktime activities and to opt to partner with different children for partnered-up classroom activities. Talk to the classroom teacher and the school senco about how to achieve this snd make sure your DD has a workable strategy for what to do when the other child is being too intense and she needs to be able to extract herself.

Choccyscofffy · 20/01/2025 06:23

Speak to the teacher and tell them that dd is finding the following around and the language overwhelming and ask her to help dd put in boundaries.

Be prepared that the teacher may want dd to continue to be friends with the girl so you may need to be more forceful about your dd not being used as a companion.

BeSharpBee · 20/01/2025 06:25

Teachers should have an eye on any intense friendships at this age. You need to speak with them about supporting both children.

ladyamy · 20/01/2025 06:28

FeralWoman · 20/01/2025 06:06

Even if she does it’s okay for OP’s DD to put boundaries in place and have the girl leave her alone. ASD doesn’t entitle anyone to ignore other people’s boundaries. OP’s DD doesn’t have to maintain any sort of friendship with her.

(Disclaimer: I’m a mum of a DD with ASD.)

Show quote history

Oh absolutely! I agree fully with that too.

WhatNoRaisins · 20/01/2025 06:33

Speak to the teacher and emphasize that your DD is very uncomfortable with the other girls behaviour. Your DD has to be the focus of this conversation as schools aren't going to talk about the other kids needs or behaviour to you.

Good for your DD for trying to be kind but it's ok for her to be out of her depth here.

FrenchFancie · 20/01/2025 06:35

My daughter has ASC and honestly, would probably have been a bit much at times at primary school. She struggled to make friends and would not know how to interact with other children well. It’s hard, as a parent, to know what to do, because we are told that we should allow DD to be authentic and not mask (due to the mental strain it puts on her, which can lead to burnout). At the same time, if she is authentic then she would get called weird and odd and people don’t want to associate with her.

this child clearly has some form of ASC. Speak to your child’s teacher about helping your dd have some boundaries. But also speak to your daughter about difference and try to show tolerance when possible. Remember on the other side of this is another 10 year old girl who is probably well aware of how they aren’t tolerated in class, have few friends but has no idea how to change it or fix it to fit in better.

also think about your own language around this girl, using words like ‘strange’ and ‘odd’ is hugely hurtful, it’s not behaviour the girl can help or easily change. Try, if possible, to be more inclusive when speaking to your own daughter about her.

LoudRoseGuide · 20/01/2025 06:38

This is exactly the sort of thing I’d ask for a quiet word with their teacher about

LoudRoseGuide · 20/01/2025 06:40

OP I was on your other thread and you have very serious and debilitating social anxiety, agoraphobia and OCD.

I am surprised that you surprise this child as “odd” given what you are enduring

Flopsy145 · 20/01/2025 06:40

Echo pp's that you need to speak to the teacher, but it's important for your dd to know that personal boundaries are important regardless of special needs. There's a little boy, almost non verbal, with ASD in my DDs class (she's 3.5). She understands that he sometimes is a bit "naughty" (in her words, because he does things like throw or act out which is him coping but would be considered naughty if a neurotyoical child did it), but that he is like this because he has different needs to her. She says she's very patient with him and if he can't talk to her that's ok, but when he's hurt her before she knows that that is not ok. Patience yes, tolerance yes, but no child should be upset or made to feel uncomfortable.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 20/01/2025 06:43

I agree with PPs, the teacher needs to be made aware that your DD is not happy with the current situation and needs support.

You need to reframe your thinking of the girl. She is not strange/odd. She is different and possibly has a health reason for that.

Likewise this should be a teaching moment for your DD. She is allowed to put boundaries in place and tell the girl “no”. It is a bit harsh to say she “cannot be her friend” when they are in a class together; she just needs to say “I don’t like it when” and have the teacher support the girl to move elsewhere.

Franjipanl8r · 20/01/2025 06:43

This is something for the teacher to help manage. It’s too big an issue for you and your DD to know how to tackle and get right. You need the experience of a teacher who’s worked with loads of different children to know how to handle this.

InDogweRust · 20/01/2025 06:48

Be prepared that the teacher may want dd to continue to be friends with the girl so you may need to be more forceful about your dd not being used as a companion.

This
My niece ended up in a similar suggestion. The school had actually almost encouraged it, they were desperate for the other girl to have a friend and when she latched on to niece, kept partnering her with her. It was disastrous for my niece and damaged her own other friendships. Dsis had to go to the head about it because the teacher was basically forcing her daughter to be with this girl a lot because it made the teacher's life easier and was helpful to the other girl, she had completely ignored dniece's needs.

Bvighf · 20/01/2025 06:53

My daughter has had this recently. She’s autistic and likes to play for a bit but also likes quiet time. She just stated firmly that she didn’t want to play right now.

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