Odd girl in daughters class

[Scottishbornandbread43]

Daughter is in primary school and has always had a nice group of friends.
There is a girl in her class that is a bit strange (sorry please don’t think im
being mean). She talks and sings to herself at inappropriate times, she chews everything and leaves bite marks on everything including other people’s property- her conversations are odd - constantly talking about bugs, she asks my daughter every day if she’s had her period yet (daughter is 10). There is a list of strange things this girl does.

My daughter felt sorry for her as no one played with her but now my daughter has found her other friends now don’t want to play with her.

My daughter spoke to me over the weekend and said she doesn’t want to be friends with this girl anymore but says she follows her around saying ‘she worships her’ (which I think is bizarre)and doesn’t want to be told off for telling her to leave her alone.

I feel sorry for this girl as did my daughter but I don’t think my daughter realised how intense she would become.

any advise? My daughter tried being kind but is now so upset as she doesn’t want be unkind to her but she just wants some space from her

Back when I was at school, people used pens and pencils, and soo many kids chewed these. Like a roomful of puppies. {Edit: scented erasers too!}
People didn't fling around diagnoses just because someone chewed a pencil during double maths.

I’m not uneducated, and l understand ND very well. I also understand from OP’s post that she used a perfectly acceptable word - ‘odd’ to describe the childs’ behaviour because she has no knowledge of the child and no wish to assign labels of disability. Which, by the way, is exactly what you and many posters are doing here. You don’t know this child, how are you or anyone else possibly qualified to label her as ND unseen?

I am not advocating for anyone to be the child's support worker, or even their friend. There is a massive difference between expecting others to be a child's support worker (your construction) and expecting children not to gang up on and ostracise not only the target child but any child who shows kindness to them. To say otherwise is the height of disingenuousness.

And children need to learn boundaries and not be made to feel uncomfortable yes, by sinister people. Advocating that anyone who is different in any benign way but who doesn't quite do things the right way is a potential threat to be avoided is rather close to eugenics.

Should pastoral staff be stepping in to deal with those who ostracise others?

Yes she would have most likely picked it up from somewhere - a book or film, or even heard her parents possibly say it to describe the way she or someone she knows behaves maybe

Jesus.

The behaviour is odd/strange - ie divergent from normal behaviour. A perfectly good description for someone who is neurodivergent and doesn’t mask it, imvho… It is odd for a 10-year old to chew everything, sing at inappropriate times and to ask the same, intrusive question every day.

It’s a comment on a public forum from a teacher who l would bet is probably a lot more experienced in what constitutes SEN than you.

MN is a cesspit of ableism at times.

If you read my latest comment a few above you will see that is not what I am saying. I don't expect OP's daughter to be friends with anyone.

I do expect a teacher to be on it when a child is so ostracised that that extends to anyone who behaves kindly towards that child.

Undoubtedly the child is being failed and needs support from the adults around her, not just to be left alone as a social pariah.

It isn’t odd for an autistic child.

By the same token, are you ok with same sex attraction being described as ‘odd’? Cultural religious practices? Anything that’s the norm for a minority group but not for the majority?

Exactly! ''worship'' is pretty basic vocabulary for an average child.
Limerence, I'd definitely be impressed.👍

We don't know she is neuro diverse, mumsnet has just decided she is based on a couple of paragraphs, who needs assessment, s 🙄

In Marlborough, there was an ''Oddfellows Hall''
What on earth is an odd fellow? Some sort of freemason?

Are you saying that same sex attraction and religious beliefs are on the same level as leaving bite marks on people's property? 🥴

Can l just say how l interpreted this. I have a family member who has diagnosed mild mental health problems. They are manipulative and spiteful and will use MH difficulties at every turn to excuse their shitty behaviour. My friends’ son has ASD and treats his mum like garbage, despite the fact that for his whole life, she’s put her own needs far behind his to get him to where he is today. If she tries to tackle him about it, his condition is always the excuse. Both of these examples are of people with disabilities using their condition without shame, to manipulate and control. I’ve been a disability outreach worker for over ten years and l’ve seen my fair share of people exaggerating to get what they want. I think this is probably along the lines of what this poster meant.

To be fair, it's hardly a stretch to suggest that a girl who is socially isolated, talks excessively about bugs, and asks inappropriate personal questions has differences in their social understanding and communication.

The pp is right though everybody has just deceied this girl is autistic based on a couple of paragraphs, arm chair diagnosis at it's finest.

I agree with you @Fundays12

I know it's no help, but how lovely that your daughter is so kind.💖
I'm sorry it's backfired on her but hope it won't put her her off showing kindness in the future.

To suggest it is one thing but now everybody has decided she is that quite another.

But when the children are around this child the comment and behaviours make them uncomfortable. Why should they ensure that? As I said I'm nd myself and you can bet your life I avoid people who make me uncomfortable, If someone was following me around the place I'd call the police !
The children owe this child nothing. It's the adults who have a duty of care towards this child. For a start they need to explain to her that her behaviour isn't acceptable. I didn't find out I was nd until I was an adult and I wish an adult had sat me down as a child and said look we don't do these things, they make people uncomfortable. I'll be doing it for my own autistic child , teaching them how to pick up on the subtle social cues . This is what the adults need to be doing , not demonising the other children who can't deal with the behaviour

Which could just as easily suggest a lack of support/isolation at home. The point is, OP has been castigated for using an appropriate word to avoid attaching a label no-one else has thought twice about.

This. All day long.