Odd girl in daughters class

[Scottishbornandbread43]

Daughter is in primary school and has always had a nice group of friends.
There is a girl in her class that is a bit strange (sorry please don’t think im
being mean). She talks and sings to herself at inappropriate times, she chews everything and leaves bite marks on everything including other people’s property- her conversations are odd - constantly talking about bugs, she asks my daughter every day if she’s had her period yet (daughter is 10). There is a list of strange things this girl does.

My daughter felt sorry for her as no one played with her but now my daughter has found her other friends now don’t want to play with her.

My daughter spoke to me over the weekend and said she doesn’t want to be friends with this girl anymore but says she follows her around saying ‘she worships her’ (which I think is bizarre)and doesn’t want to be told off for telling her to leave her alone.

I feel sorry for this girl as did my daughter but I don’t think my daughter realised how intense she would become.

any advise? My daughter tried being kind but is now so upset as she doesn’t want be unkind to her but she just wants some space from her

Autism and ADHD. Can't think of any others, though, so "ND" is, as usual, a totally meaningless term. You don't have to be afraid of using the word "autism".

Everything @GoldVermillion said. And I wonder if the other girl's parents have any idea that heir dd has only one reluctant 'friend' and is being left out by everyone else.

Schools are often so utterly crap for some kids.

Only by NT standards. Her behaviour is very standard for autistic children.

Everyone talks about inclusivity and kindness till it comes to actually interacting with neurodivergent people, then it seems that NTs are quite discriminatory and unkind.

I've not read the full thread, I can't face any more of this kind of attitude.

I feel it is totally wrong to speculate over a child, and in no way is it ever okay to refer to them as "odd".

I was that child back in the 1980's, undiagnosed and perceived as odd.
I remember every look, every comment and the way it made me feel.
Comments given by adults who thought I was too stupid to know what they were implying.

I didn't have my autism diagnosis until adulthood.
I totally empathise with any child who faces the struggles I did.
I am sure in this day most children will have their diagnosis during childhood, but that doesn't make it acceptable for ignorant adults to speculate over them and refer to them as odd.

The fact a grown adult can speak about a child in this way is what is odd in my opinion.

If you come back op, I hope the meeting with the teacher is useful.

Overall we meet many people in life some we can easily avoid and others we have a permanent or temporary need to share space with because of school, work, where we live, family. If at any point people are not enjoying someone’s company for whatever reason I see no problem with wanting to extricate yourself. Lots of people are desperate to prove how worthy they are and piling on at the alleged offending word whereas I notice some parents who write they have children with ASD managed to not be offended. The posters concern is her DD first and foremost. You can feel bad for other children in any circumstance but as a parent the well being of your own child comes first.

Sometimes it feels as if freedom of thought and language is being so crushed by society we are going backwards. But lack of critical thinking skills means people assume we are going forwards.

The OP didn't call the kid odd to her face FFS. She used it to describe her behaviour on an anonymous forum of adults.

She used the term odd to describe the kids behaviour because it is fucking odd. Stop being offended on behalf of some kid that none of you know and has had no insult, direct or indirect, from the OP or otherwise.

My DD had a similar experience with a child in her class. The school did intervene and took steps to support both children. My DD is 16 and the other girl is still in her form, my DD is still kind and nice to her, but the other girl has found her people. It took a bit of navigating, but it was all fine in the end.

I agree with previous posters about talking to your child's teacher and the school counsellor (sorry, from the US). It sounds like she needs help and support in navigating friendships and recognizing boundaries and social cues. Even if the school aren't in a position to help with this due to lack of resources they can at least talk to her parents to let them know what is going on and see if they can find help outside the school.

When my DD was diagnosed there was a social group for autistic teens in a neighbouring town (unfortunately shut down due to COVID at that time) that was aimed at helping them with establishing friendships and understanding the 'rules' that go along with them. They would meet and socialize and their parents would have parenting classes at the same time to gain insight into parenting children on the autistic spectrum. I wish there was something similar in the UK.

But it'ok.to decide the girl.is autistic based on very limited information on a thread?.

Which is totally irrelevant to the discussion here. We don’t even know there’s an actual condition which would satisfy the EA description of disability. The point is, OP hasn’t assumed one and has tried to avoid language which does.

Amen to that. What a surprise this thread is already nine pages long, full of posters saying the same thing over and over.

No cruelty is more socially acceptable than dumping the weird autistic kid.

I am not saying that.
I am just saying that from the post it struck a chord with me on what I experienced as a child.
I was called off too and remember how it made me feel.

*odd

So would you care to elaborate ?

Thanks for your sharing your perspective as a teacher, that sounds a very difficult position for a child to be in.

Sorry that happened to your niece @InDogweRust

Of course I'm not. The behaviour mentioned is completely normal, so are many other things. Doesn't mean all ND children do it. Or all ND children don't.

So it's better to call a 10year old odd, bizarre and strange then it is to say it sounds like she could be autistic? Now, I remember why I left the NT parenting groups. Yes, the girl can't see the names she's being called but the ND people and parents of ND children can and instead of realising this is an issue and rectifying it your all trying to double down and blatantly not care who it offends. I find this type of ignorance and cruel attitudesw odd, strange and bizarre.

Suggesting is one thing but plenty of posters have decided she is in fact autistic based on extremely limited information.

do you honestly believe these threads exist solely to give advice to the initial poster? They are read more widely and it matters what people say on them.

If inappropriate, exclusionary language isn’t called out, people will continue to use it. By your standards it would be fine to use a racial slur to describe someone on the internet because ‘it wasn’t to their face’.

Apart from the bite marks (which could be as harmless as chewing a pencil, which plenty of people do), none of the behaviour is ‘fucking odd’.

Talking or singing at inappropriate times isn’t odd - and plenty of kids do it when they should be quiet - see also adults humming, whistling, playing music or videos out loud. Annoying, yes, but odd? No.

Chews everything - like what? Pens and pencils - annoying if they are school ones, but not odd. If she’s chewing the table, then that’s odd - but as the OP doesn’t say that, I’m going to assume she’s not leaving marks on the furniture like a puppy.

Constantly talking about bugs - why is that odd but talking about mythical horses with horns and magical powers isn’t? Because Rainbow Dash is pretty and beetles aren’t? Or is it because society has decided what is ok for girls to obsess over?

Asking if her friend has started her periods isn’t odd - it’s totally normal for girls to discuss this momentous time in their life. It could be that she’s finding the transition to adulthood scary and wants to be able to discuss it with someone who has also experienced it.

The use of words like ‘odd’, ‘strange’ and ‘bizarre’ are a way of describing behaviour in order to garner sympathy. OPs daughter doesn’t have to be friends with anyone she doesn’t want to be, but as a member of society, she bears responsibility for being inclusive and kind - we all do, and part of that is not upholding cultural norms that exclude people with differences.

I think it's unkind of you to describe a child as 'strange' given the issues you struggle with.
It's perfectly reasonable for your daughter to put boundaries in place and for the adults around her to support her in doing so.

Child is exhibiting repetitive behaviours, limited social skills, sensory seeking behaviours and shows obsessive fascination over isolated topics. These are all clear ASC markers. I have an autistic child, and I work with children and young people.

As a parent to a child with similar behaviours I am well within my rights and sphere of knowledge to object to behaviours that are the hallmarks of SEN being labelled odd and weird, thanks very much.

Nothing you have just written gives you any right to be diagnosing kids over the internet. You can object to anything you like though 👌

She’s not diagnosing her. It’s odd how many of you struggle with basic reading comprehension.

It's odd how many people are insisting a child they've never met simply must be SEN when that has no relevance to the original post.

Have you read the thread,?
Plenty of posters have decided the child is in deed autistic based on nothing very much.