What do you do at weekends with secondary age children?

[Roseyposeypie]

Just that really… what do you do at weekends if all your children are secondary school age? We’ve lost our way a bit. DC1 (GCSE years) has loads of homework, has been ill a lot over the last year which has prevented days out and often wants to see friends. DC2 (just started secondary school) is tired a lot and reluctant to get out the house. I no longer have any idea what weekends are for. They just seem so dull and I feel stressed and like I’m failing all the time. We do eat together but often that’s about it. It wouldn’t matter if the DC were happy and busy with friends all the time but it’s more just permanent lethargy and it’s getting me down. What’s normal for other families?

oops, the poll was accidental but let’s say:
YABU = it’s normal for families with secondary age children not to do much together at the weekends
YANBU = at least part of the weekend should be for getting out and doing something fun together

They spend time gaming, homework and hobbies. Saturday morning is all one hobby, Sunday morning has a small amount of another.

We also drag them out for walks or something active, as the weather improves we will do more kayaking and stuff.

Currently one is gaming and the other is making gingerbread.

We have got a big list of all the things we want to do, a family bucket list of weekend activities and try and choose one a month. These are all pretty random, one is to go to Windsor to go on the duck boat. Another is to go crabbing at the coast. Also looking into extreme day trips with the older one.

I most spend weekends encouraging them to sort their washing baskets out, driving them around the ring road to their clubs and sports and watching them eat everything.

Agree it ls getting harder mine are a bit younger but 10 and nearly 12- elder mostly does his own thing - gaming and homework. Younger son gets taken to football matches (he plays) and goes to play with friends either at their houses or in the park.

I do my sport on Saturdays

but yeah we rarely do stuff as a family. We used to watch a film together every Saturday night but they’ve grown out of that now. Well sometimes go to the cinema and do do occasional days out/walks but rare at this time of year tbh. Other families seem to see
grandparents etc at weekends but ours aren’t sufficiently close for that

In seriousness, we always prioritise walking the dogs each day and we rotate between swimming, climbing, hill walking and sailing each weekend. We are lucky that they are v outdoorsy and patient with their bumpkin parents!

When mine were that age we didn’t really have family trips out. I worked a lot of weekends which meant that I wasn’t around a lot. Both of mine had a hobby that DH was involved in which was on a sat and Sunday so mostly this is what they did. Other than that they’d do their homework, catch up with friends and do some gaming.

One of my favourite memories of being a teenager was eating pizza on Saturdays while watching Gladiators Blind Date with my family. It sounds so mundane written down but the safety of this regular event really helped me when my studies were tough and my friends being awful.
So we try and do the same on a Saturday evening - not sure how long it will last for, they are 11 and 13.

Saturdays are all stables. Sundays homework. Not very exciting.

Aren't they now at an age that you can just go do your own thing during the daytimes? Dinner together at a set time but otherwise, they likely just want to do their own thing.

@FurForksSake, I love your bucket list idea. I am going to do that!

We always made sure to get out for a nice meal together as a family on Friday or Sunday evening - good quality time and it meant that we had a proper catch up. I hate being stuck in the house so was always good excuse to drag DD out!

Apart from that weekends were about resting, preparing for the week ahead and seeing her friends.

I have loved the shift on the weekends now my kids are teens but it took a bit of getting used to.

We do the odd drop off or pick up of a team sport, but they mostly sort themselves out, see friends, do homework, gaming, shopping etc.

Me and my DH go for long walks together, visit museums, go for a nice lunch. We have lots of time just the 2 of us pottering around. It’s quite nice actually.

My teens are sporty, so a typical weekend will involve at least one match for each of them. DH and I take turns to drive them and watch. At the moment 17yo DD is learning to drive, so we'll try to fit in a couple of practice drives (not always the most relaxing way to spend time with your child!!). They also have homework, music practice and social lives, so there isn't much time left to do stuff as a family (except eat together), although we do sometimes go out for brunch or watch a movie. In the Christmas holidays we did family board games which was lovely.

I think that watching TV with your teens can be a good bonding experience. Anyway it's better than them disappearing off to their rooms. DS and I are enjoying Traitors at the moment, we also like Taskmaster but if necessary I will watch something I'd never normally enjoy (eg snooker!) just because it's nice to watch something with him.

I was wondering the exact same thing recently. Ours are nearly 15 and 17. We used to do all sorts of trips out, now they mainly see friends or boy/girlfriends. Then we take them to various hobbies separately.

As a family, our main time together is on holidays or around Christmas, or if there’s a family occasion like a birthday. I guess it’s natural and I rarely see teenage kids of their age out with their parents or as a family.

We don’t even manage dinner together now because everyone wants different things at different times. So, I feel quite heartened reading all the replies here. We have a great relationship with them, so I just take it as a normal part of growing up. I don’t recall spending much, if any, time with my parents at that age; the generation gap was so much wider, nothing they did was at all interesting to me.

Mine either see friends. Go horse riding or play on their phone / chat to friends on their phone.

They don't want to go out with us.

Ds used to do football that would take up quite a bit of the weekend with training and matches. He no longer plays and doesn't do a huge amount with us as a family nowadays....he will visit relatives with us and occasionally go for a meal out.

DD does more but that's mainly because she likes shopping...so we have lots of mum/daughter shopping trips on the weekend. She also spends a lot of time baking, doing crafts and reading.

Family days out...are not a big thing anymore really but when the weather is nice, they both enjoy a day trip to a beach.

I think it's very normal at 16 to want to spend less time as a family. They have a lot of school work, sports/gym, friends, and bf/gf.
Teens are designed to break away from the family group and build their own relationships.

We almost always eat together on weeknights, and we try to do so at least one weekend evening, too.

DS and DH have football season tickets, so that's their thing. He will still come out for a meal or to the cinema, we usually have a tv series on the go, and he still likes a chat when he comes in from a night out with his friends.

DH and I are embracing the freedom for more nights in or out on our own.

@Dabralor
That was good when we only had 4 channels. I miss that really. You Bet, The Generation Game, Blind Date.

Sundays. Heart Beat and London's Burning

Both mine enjoyed Saturday Night takeaway but they are fed up of that now. They can't agree on films. We didn't watch anything together over Christmas. Too much choice.

Mine are both girls nearly 13 and 14.

My girls eat in their bedrooms too.

We don’t do family day trips regularly the way we did when they were younger. We normally leave them at home alone on the Saturday to sleep all morning get lunch together while DH and I go off to do a hobby and we do a lot more 1:1 stuff. So my DH might take one out to practice a sport they love while I take another shopping. Or I might take one out to a museum while the other stays home, etc.

But we have a movie night every weekend and we try and have a roast once a fortnight or so, which they love. We also do a games afternoon/evening (video games or tabletop), especially when the weather’s bad, if they seem to be at a loose end.

chill out at home, trip to the local supermarket together (with DS age 12), watch some films or comedy, he has one or two clubs, that's about it. as he's generally tired from school I don't push it! I sometimes bribe for walks and so on - promise of making pancakes or something.

I think that watching TV with your teens can be a good bonding experience

Definitely agree. Ds2 (14) recently introduced me to Beast Games which I initially rolled my eyes at...but I got thoroughly hooked. And it's one release a week so we've made time to sit together one evening and watch it which is lovely.

Teens more or less do their own thing on weekends but one weekend a month I organise something to do that gets us all out for a minimum of a whole day. Next weekend we're going to the next City over on the train (1 hour)...purely because ds3 (7) announced recently that he's so sad he's never EVER been on a train. I was actually surprised but he's right 😂 so we've shoehorned a train ride in and then we're going to a (fun) museum and for lunch when we're there. And dragging the 14 and 16 year olds with us because they'll enjoy it when they're there (hopefully).

Mine played sport/hobbies Saturday mornings and then hung out with their mates, either at ours or friends houses.
I never organised anything for them. We didn't have extended family to visit, but they had loads of friends.

Once ours hit about 13 they were either off with friends or holed up in their rooms on the weekends. And once they hit 16 and got a car they were gone more often than they were here. It's perfectly normal and part of becoming independent.

We always made a big breakfast or a nice BBQ either Saturday or Sunday and we'd all enjoy that together and that was the time for chat and catch up. It wasn't a command performance, just "Food's ready" hollered up the stairs.

As far as 'doing things' there was the occasional movie or outing to a place they'd enjoy, but once they got their licenses and could take themselves there those became fewer and farther between. And family holidays the same. As they got older they preferred to stay with their local grandparents so they could hang with friends. We did find that if we tried to find places they'd like and included a friend in outings or holidays they were more willing to come. So there were a lot of beach & lake trips, theme parks, and the like.

When mine were that age they just did there own thing I didn't have to organise things for them.

Me too! Saturday evening telly was a family occasion and made me feel safe and happy. I feel like some kind of family activity together is a must for all families.