What do you do at weekends with secondary age children?

[Roseyposeypie]

Just that really… what do you do at weekends if all your children are secondary school age? We’ve lost our way a bit. DC1 (GCSE years) has loads of homework, has been ill a lot over the last year which has prevented days out and often wants to see friends. DC2 (just started secondary school) is tired a lot and reluctant to get out the house. I no longer have any idea what weekends are for. They just seem so dull and I feel stressed and like I’m failing all the time. We do eat together but often that’s about it. It wouldn’t matter if the DC were happy and busy with friends all the time but it’s more just permanent lethargy and it’s getting me down. What’s normal for other families?

oops, the poll was accidental but let’s say:
YABU = it’s normal for families with secondary age children not to do much together at the weekends
YANBU = at least part of the weekend should be for getting out and doing something fun together

@MumblesParty

No, not AI; just my attempt at gilding doing-not-very-much while I skivvy

As OP's DS, my DC are knackered come the weekend as they are absolutely hard-core during the week, working to within an inch of capacity with school work and activities. As far as I'm concerned, the weekends are theirs, free of expectation. It does them good to practise running their own diaries and organising themselves. We're obviously available should DC want to 'do something as a family', and we may suggest things, but always with the expectation that they'll not want to.

Today, both started the day playing their respective instruments in their own rooms until lunchtime; just messing around, learning new stuff, playing along with online soundtracks etc, then moseyed downstairs to make pancakes for lunch together (they'd texted each other to arrange this!) and then one went to the shops to buy ingredients for their food tech lesson tomorrow, and one popped out to see a friend. Nice. I'm a teacher so too busy prepping things for other people's DC during the weekends to have much time to organise my own.

@Oreyt thats sad that your DC eat in their rooms at age 13 / 14. I’ve never heard of anyone doing that. What a shame

You don't eat as a family?

We like chilled weekends. Eldest often works weekends / has a driving lesson. Sometimes they meet friends. But mainly we walk the dogs, and enjoy not having to rush around.

Mine are 17, 14 and 12. It is very different now so I completely get where you are coming from. I miss the weekends full of parties, soft play, the playground!
the easiest way to get my oldest two out is normally the promise of food. Most weekends we will go out for breakfast or lunch, we often try to combine this with walking the dogs - so we find different walks that have a nice dog friendly cafe or pub on route. Today we went to the cinema. Shopping is also always welcome won’t the older two. My youngest is still happy with trampoline parks and ninja warrior type things so I let him bring a friend now the older two aren’t as bothered. Bowling , laser tag, and the arcade are also winners. I do have to let the older ones know a few days/ a week in advance now so they don’t plan things with their friends.
I love finding something we will all watch. At the moment it’s the Traitors. Choosing films is a lot harder!

Endless sports at the moment, school sports and clubs. Y7 child also has homework and needs downtime as school is full on.

There isn’t any time for family days out but tbh I think they need the rest. We do eat at least a couple of meals as a family at weekends.

That sounds like we never have days out which isn’t true. We’ve done escape rooms, cinema, shopping trips, outdoorsy stuff like kayaking and hill walks. Youngest isn’t quite secondary so still likes local attractions. Swimming, etc. We went bowling recently.

We've been watching the traitors together, and they like a movie night as well - we're making our way through the old classics, I think Karate Kid will be next on the list.

They can usually be persuaded to head to the seaside for crabbing or mini golf, and like going out to eat. They like bowling (but I hate it!) and swimming. A meet up in the pub with another family or two, particularly if there's a pool table/ dart board/ card game on offer. Escape rooms (but these can be pricy, so more of a special occasion treat).

But yes - despite this most of their time is still spent gaming!

Mine play out with mates, chill out at home, do homework. Occasionally I'll take them shopping if they need new clothes.
We have just gotten into camping so are likely to do more of that this year when it warms up, hopefully every other weekend. That's pretty good family bonding time, the teens really enjoy it.

My youngest has just started secondary school and spends time gaming, hanging out with his friends, we have movie nights as a family and he has a football match on Sundays. Some weekends we go shopping, cinema, out for coffee etc...

When I was a kid I don’t remember doing much organised stuff. My mum was a teacher and would work on Sundays. Often there would be chores for me to do. Homework etc. seeing friends. My dad would have sport on the telly during the season.

now, we mostly potter around, relax, read, do homework, bake; occasionally we go for a walk together or shopping or something. Mine only spends Saturday evening and Sunday with me as with their father on Fridays and Saturday daytimes (unless we arrange to swap). I think they’re developing that independence from the family unit so it’s normal- still nice to do things together but it doesn’t have to be every weekend. We do eat together on Sunday evening though (and through the week).

When my DC were young teens 13-16, Saturday morning was always an indoor sports activity in winter eg badminton, squash, swimming, rock wall etc, in summer swapped for outdoor similar - then retire to a nice cafe for brunch, everyone did their own thing pm, if no one out Saturday night was nice meal at home or takeaway, a film or board games
Maybe once a month we would do a day out somewhere - and take it in turns to pick somewhere further afield or more expensive
Sundays were homework, chilling, housework, washing etc and seeing friends
16plus they were out most of time and we would generally meet up on a Sunday eve for catch up and food

Most Saturdays are football days for ds and dh. Ds is 13. He plays in the morning and then usually goes to watch our local team in the afternoon, be it home or away (if within a couple of hours drive).
So it mostly leaves me free on Saturdays which is amazing 😂
Then we have a bit of a cook up in the evening, kids might play pool, we have music on and maybe play a game while dh cooks. We have 2 older dc, 20 and 19, if they are home it’s a lot of fun.
Sundays are mostly a walk with extended family, sometimes just us, often a stop off at the pub for crisps and hydration, then home for a Sunday dinner and a fire.

All of the above is subject to changes if anyone else has other plans but if not it’s pretty much the norm. Homework happens during the week, at the moment it’s an hour a night and this means weekends are free not spent doing homework. This may change as the years go on but for now it’s more than manageable.

OP your 12 yr old will be exhausted so that's why he is not up for anything. Mine is similar a homebody,literally told me yesterday he wants to do nothing as too tired. Sunday he does swimming with his dad,afterwards we went to see the wildlife photography exhibition. And that is more than enough. We watch traitors together as a learning activity. No need to feel guilty. I get tired even though I manage to wfh a couple days a week,our kids go out full day for 5 days, they are allowed to veg out at home to decompress.

Ds13 does sport sat morning then games the rest of the day. Or we sometimes visit family and he comes along. Sunday we always have dinner round MILs and he might go out with friends in the afternoon. I'm encouraging him to know he can invite friends back here which he does sometimes. To game or watch football. Happy to give lifts to friends to go home. Occasionally go to the cinema. Certain TV programmes we watch together I'm the evening. And he eats crisps and sweets.

Should’ve added that this was back around 2015-2019 - DD is an adult now and we wouldn’t be able to afford it either in the current climate!

DS (14) goes to a school that has Sat am lessons and matches in the afternoons so honestly, Saturday evenings and most of Sunday tend to be just him chilling/ gaming/ watching the premiership- sometimes he goes bouldering with a friend and he has cricket training Sunday evenings year round. DD (13) plays netball and rugby or both most Sundays in winter and sails (races) in summer. Saturdays is chilling and a bit of homework/ seeing friends. We sometimes do Parkrun together and grab a coffee afterwards. They tend to see their friends through their sports as opposed to just hanging out with them at home but sometimes they do also have friends round.

Act as a tax driver! To deliver to friends/work/hobbies. One of them I share a hobby with. The other not. Me and DH tend to try and do something together.

Preteen and teens Dc had a club we all did together, came home and had burgers/pulled pork/ home fake KFC infront of the telly once a week.

Walks, coffee and cake now they are a bit older. Have Had merlin passes every now and again and done nearly all the free museums in London.

Friday night was always meal together, movie/box set night with treats - no phones etc. DS is at university now and when he comes home he still wants to do this.

I voted YABU as kids that age tend to ignore their parents but I do understand the point you're making. I have to make a deliberate effort to drag my 13 yr old into a board game or something and it doesn't always work out!

We do chat a lot though, random moments of connection and we do 3 or 4 family holiday weekends a year just to roam around hills or cities.

But the usual Weekend Outings have fallen by the wayside and we all tend to see our own friends.

Saturday morning is sports stuff for our DCs then in the afternoon secondary age DC will do homework, maybe go out with a friend, often we go for a family walk, do jobs like shopping etc. Sunday morning we often go to church; he may have more sports fixtures, we try to do a walk in the afternoon and then usually watch a film together. Nothing hugely exciting but sports training and homework take up a lot of free time!

I drive teens around, give them meals they'll all eat and hand over cash in 10/20 denominations. Everyone is happy with this.

Not much of days out per say but they have a lot matches so do that together or seoarately as parents if they each have a match at the same time.
one is studying a lot for her GCSE equivalent. The other has a bit of homeworks.
they see friends so there is a lot of picking up in the evening, walk the dog.
as a couple we have quite a social life too so we go to that.
we watch movies and always have breakfast and dinner together.
they also mess around a lot with their dad.

but also lots of time spent on phone, doing their hair etc.

everything chilled i guess

But now it’s so expensive to eat out, no way could we do that every week