What do you do at weekends with secondary age children?

[Roseyposeypie]

Just that really… what do you do at weekends if all your children are secondary school age? We’ve lost our way a bit. DC1 (GCSE years) has loads of homework, has been ill a lot over the last year which has prevented days out and often wants to see friends. DC2 (just started secondary school) is tired a lot and reluctant to get out the house. I no longer have any idea what weekends are for. They just seem so dull and I feel stressed and like I’m failing all the time. We do eat together but often that’s about it. It wouldn’t matter if the DC were happy and busy with friends all the time but it’s more just permanent lethargy and it’s getting me down. What’s normal for other families?

oops, the poll was accidental but let’s say:
YABU = it’s normal for families with secondary age children not to do much together at the weekends
YANBU = at least part of the weekend should be for getting out and doing something fun together

I have a DS in year 12. This weekend I've taken him swimming, we've had fish and chips and watched the Traitors, we went to the cinema to see the Bob Dylan film, today his friends have been round all afternoon. He needs plenty of downtime and also time for homework and to practice his instrument.

As I said upthread this was around 2015-2019, as a family this would no longer be financially viable for us either and we have cut down on eating out a lot, plus DD is an adult with her own life nowadays.

It was simply a suggestion - I’m not psychic to your or OP’s finances.

Finding a film or TV series that you can both/all enjoy is key. Can thoroughly recommend Alex Rider. We're working our way through Beast Games (as a previous poster recommended) and also Squid Game Season 2. Allows for some really interesting conversations.

I also try to take each of them out to lunch separately. I'll read the paper, they'll be on their iPad/phone but we'll discuss politics, news items, life generally. It's nice.

I think it's important to still do stuff together but it doesn't necessarily have to be about "going out".
We did:
Watching a film on TV w popcorn
Board games
BBQ

Or if going out:
Bowling/lazer quest/crazy golf/go karting
Cinema
Meal out
walk/cycle ride
Board games cafe
Visiting family

You don't need to feel sadness 🙄

@twistyizzy

If they don't feel like it no.

Oh and yes to a family watch of Gladiators on Saturday night, preferably with pizza. Perfect 🙂

We always have take away and DVD night on Friday and roast on Sunday but we don't really have days out anymore. We do occasionally drag them out for a walk on Sunday but they both moan about it so rarely bother.
DS is a long way from being a teenager and loves bowling and the teens will go to that (if they don't get a better offer from their mates 😉)

We have a film night on Friday evening with pizza and some kind of sweet treat. Stay up a bit later than usual, no limits on devices. Saturday evening we have a games night with (supermarket style ) take out food and a treat each.
During the day might do one of the following : swimming, cinema , bowling, boldering, trampolining , dog walk and a drink at a the pub. Trip to cafe for hot childcare/milkshake.
The DC often have plans to meet friends or have friends over.
The weekends are often boring (for me) if I don’t plan something but …I think the DC love lazing around at home and recharging for the week ahead.

My kids are ND and family mealtimes can be explosive! Allowing them to eat in their rooms has been a game changer for the mood at home. It means time together is chosen, doing something we are happy doing as opposed to forced contact and conversation in close proximity at meals times. It was miserable! We do eat together but not all of the time. Took me a while to not feel like a bad parent and I don’t like admitting that we don’t always eat together as people judge.

They don’t want to do a lot of “family days out” in their teens. It’s hobbies, stuff with friends, homework/ studying and then wanting a well deserved rest.

But every now and then they’ll want to do something with you and it’s lovely. Best not to force it too much though.

I agree with the weekly family TV time/ takeaway as a safe space for everyone. That’s lovely.

Mine are mostly secondary age and I've really noticed this in the last few months. In terms of days out/activities out of the house we do beach/national trust/shopping/swimming/dog walks/Costa/local small museum/cinema. Mixed success. I've also focussed more on teaching them life skills (they are particularly good at prioritising work-life balance by not emerging from their rooms until midday)- things like cooking/baking/DIY, some household chores (that I bribe them with cash to do, but at least I hopefully won't lie in bed at night when they're 30 worrying that they won't know not to create a chlorine bomb when cleaning the toilet).

A few years ago now, but both ours were in the local swimming club and were often at Galas. DS started to learn to play guitar, daughter played keyboard. DS took up radio controlled car racing and DH would take him on Sundays all over the place to race meetings. We also had days out to local spots linked to their school work, Chester for the Roman Walls etc, the Lake District for walks and geography, and for stone circles etc. DH had to work all Saturdays, so it was homework and swimming on Saturdays, and days out on Sundays. As they got older they both got PT work to fund their hobbies.

DS(16) mostly just games with his mates or watches Netflix and he'll do some music practice when the mood takes him (he's not doing music exams so it's purely for pleasure). We do eat together, and Friday night is usually music night, when we'll pick a gig to watch on YouTube.

But countryside walks have largely gone by the wayside (we managed one over Christmas) and we virtually never watch TV shows together (we used to, a lot). This Christmas was the first time we didn't play a single board game, and I felt sad about that (don't think DH did, though!).

We'll have the very occasional weekend away, and he's great company on those weekends - he enjoys shopping and exploring new places.

But my overwhelming experience at the moment is that we spend weekends arguing about school work. It's joyless.

Not very much

I don't really see mine unless I am playing taxi 😂

We insist on homework being done, unless they have some valid plans instead.
The rest of the weekend is sport, clubs, competitions.

If they have a quiet weekend, which is rare, they go and meet friends and go for lunch or the gym or something. Sometimes they gather here to play video games together. Either I have no teen at home, or I have half a dozen. I just order pizzas, it's a perfect excuse.

They each did a physical activity on Saturday morning until about 15. One gave that up and worked in a cafe 11-4 one weekend day. School work / see friends.

Another vote for family TV watching. Sort themselves out during days and congregate back home for dinner and TV watching.

Mine are same age (11 and 13) and we do the same! (well, it's either curry or tacos and then a movie or netflix series! We do this every Saturday and I love it! Especially in the winter when we've got the fire going and DH and I have a nice Bailey's coffee or wine during the movie too!! And the boys have taken to now always having an 'interval' in the movie when they somehow manage to get ice cream or some other hugely calorific sweet treats!!)

Friday - watched Molly Mae's doc with my teen DD.
Saturday - DD went to watch a football match with her friend & DS went to watch his uncle play.
Sunday - DS had a match and DD went shopping with another friend after spending the night at hers. Spent the rest of the afternoon at home, DS gaming and DD tidying out her wardrobe.

It's a real mix between football, seeing friends and chilling at home for my kids.

Thanks for asking this question - I was thinking the sane thing!

As a teen myself, I was very studious so spent a lot of time at home in my bedroom. My younger brother and older sister were never in! My kids though!!!! Omg, they never leave the house! Playing online with friends, chatting on phones, they're always in! life has definitely changed!

We do try and go out for walks as a family but we have 1 young teen and 2 older and the younger one loves being around the older ones. I want to do more stuff together but it is hard when they just want to sleep and game but still need to study!

@Mindedmy ND family here too and need to have different 'shifts' for dinner sometimes to avoid conflict and meltdowns.
Totally understand where you are coming from and agree that some people do judge which really isn't helpful.

I haven’t read every comment yet but this is all very heartening and is generally making me feel better. Thank you ☺️ Perhaps we’re not actually at odds with the rest of the world. At least one of you mentioned the season and I do think that’s part of it. I’ve always struggled a bit in winter and feel a real need to get out which just isn’t happening at the moment. I also think I’m struggling with the transition of our youngest starting secondary and life changing a bit. I have been trying to have a bit of a family fun wish list but it’s been tricky with at least of one of us being ill recently. We’ve just booked a couple of nights away in February half term so that’ll be something to look forward to.

Mine has her activities in the morning. Sometimes she’ll go to a friends house. If not then I get her to cook with me. I also have a bunch of hobbies and sometimes I drag her along with me - she’s moans but realises that it’s so much nicer than being home all day (she only appreciates it after though). I’m in a few local groups so when something random and interesting pops up then I suggest that we go.

Although she would prefer to be on the phone to her friends all day and usually spends half the weekend finishing off any homework.

Mine are primary age and I’d like to thank everyone who has posted…. I’m not sure what I thought would happen but hadn’t thought it through that they would get busy with homework and social lives.

I will now cherish my days out more and make sure I plan plenty for us to enjoy together before they reach this stage