To wonder how the hell my dd has done this?

[MamaConchy]

Posting for traffic and I need some iPhone tech help!

Last night my DD age 14 was severely in the dog house and one of the punishments I have given her is to remove her screentime. Unfortunately after I’d retrieved her and dropped her home, I had to leave again for work and I won’t be back home until this evening. Adult DD was also home so she wasn’t alone.

I’ve set her screentime so that it’s basically switched off all day, every day, and her phone is blocked. But I’ve just had a look and somehow the little shit has been online for over 4 hours today (I turned her screentime off around 9pm last night). She will still be asleep now so presumably she was somehow on her phone from midnight until 4am for her to be online today for 4 hours.

I am planning on physically taking her phone away from her when I get home but I’d like to know how she’s getting around the screentime thing.

iPhones are notorious for having easy hacks.

If you want her off it you’ll have to take it away.

Calling her a little sh*t doesn’t really make you look good here.

By screen time do you just mean her phone?

If so just take it away from her surely?

I stand by the fact that in light of her behaviour yesterday, I am considering her to be a little shit right now. Call a spade a spade. She’s not ALWAYS a little shit, in fact often she’s lovely. But yes I will remove her phone.

Yes I am just talking about her phone. And yes that’s what I’ll have to do.

Is it screentime, or is it apps etc updating / downloading in the background ?

My understand is that if you set it to be blocked during downtime the apps themselves are blocked, so wouldn’t be updating? I also have an iPhone and I have my apps set for automatic updates, but I’d say my own screentime graph accurately reflects the time I was actually using my phone.

It's ok OP I'm clearly a terrible parent as I referred to my 3.5 year old DS as a little knobhead to friends yesterday as he'd ripped all the door flaps off a beautiful set of Acorn Woods books the previous night.

It will be the apps updating does it on mine and my sons when off or offline it's an iPhone thing.

check the google history on the phone. And you can get around screen time blocks by just saying no to prompts and ending the block sessions.

the only way is to take the phone

Is anything set under always allowed? Like we allow Spotify during screentime down time for instance

I don’t think Google would should me much as it would have been just TikTok and Snapchat she was using, if she was on her phone.

Yep her phone is definitely having a little holiday with me until I’m not so pissed off with her.

My daughter manages to get around downtime in the evenings by setting the IPhone clock to manual and changing the time. Now I have to take her phone away to be sure she isn’t online.

@MamaConchy does the screenshot show your daughter's name?

All these naughty teens maybe they will be the tech gurus of the future with their knowledge of workarounds. Sorry @TheArtfulScreamer1 I am laughing at your little one removing all the door flaps on his books. Maybe he prefers open plan? I remember putting a new pair of ankle socks on my DS when he was about that age. He got a pair of scissors and cut the elastic in the tops to ‘make them comfy’😂He’s in his thirties now and turned out well despite the vandalism.

Not related to the question, but on Friday did she spend almost 16 hours on her phone?!,

Forgive my ignorance, but what the heck is a "door flap" on a book?

Those books where you have to lift the flap to see the picture underneath.

oh, I see, thank you. I think my age is showing. My youngest grandchild is 20...

Ten hours on a schoolday?
FIFTEEN HOURS on a Friday??

I’m sorry but that’s so incredibly horrifying. At fourteen years old.

Ged rid of the smart phone and give her a flip phone/dumb phone. Give the poor girl a chance at having a normal life that’s not completely destroyed by dopamine addiction and poor attention span.

Oops yes, I didn’t spot that but her first name was written in tiny writing in blurb at the top.

I always remember my good friend calling her then 3 year old son a little prick to a child free friend who reacted with total horror 🤣 can confirm she’s a great Mum, he’s 7 now, they have a fabulous relationship and he was, in fact, being a little prick on the day in question! As long as you aren’t saying it to their face I’m sure there’s no significant harm done!

It looks like her average screen time is about 10 hours a day, and it was more like 14 hours on Friday.

Surely you should be removing her phone for that reason alone?

Yes she does generally spend waaaaay too much time on her phone. She’s not in school, she’s got SEN and can’t manage in mainstream, but apparently doesn’t need to be assessed for an ECHP 🙄 (just about to apply again). Last week she was at center parcs Mon-Friday and was in the pool for at least 4 hours each day we were there as well as doing other activities so it’s not like I don’t try to provide stuff for her to do. But I’m a lone parent and also have to work, so I can’t watch her all of the time.

A dumb phone is looking very appealing.

Do you reward her when she's lovely at all? Or just punish her when she's being as you say, "a little shit"? Perhaps if you thought of her behaviour as a little shit rather than her personality, you'd get a better response.

You said you're pissed off at her, which is about your reaction, not her behaviour.

Punishment without rewards for behaving well, will result in more bad behaviour because she will get resentful.