To wonder how the hell my dd has done this?

[MamaConchy]

Posting for traffic and I need some iPhone tech help!

Last night my DD age 14 was severely in the dog house and one of the punishments I have given her is to remove her screentime. Unfortunately after I’d retrieved her and dropped her home, I had to leave again for work and I won’t be back home until this evening. Adult DD was also home so she wasn’t alone.

I’ve set her screentime so that it’s basically switched off all day, every day, and her phone is blocked. But I’ve just had a look and somehow the little shit has been online for over 4 hours today (I turned her screentime off around 9pm last night). She will still be asleep now so presumably she was somehow on her phone from midnight until 4am for her to be online today for 4 hours.

I am planning on physically taking her phone away from her when I get home but I’d like to know how she’s getting around the screentime thing.

Thanks for the insult.

The vinegar tone was especially kind.

Just in case this hasn't been mentioned already, we had exactly this with Family Link. Time should have been restricted to 1 hour, but he'd spent 4 hours online. It turned out to be because I'd given him unlimited access to some apps (e.g. WhatsApp so eh could contact us) and that overrides the time setting.
This was Android but I bet iPhone has something similar.

I don't know if you have abandoned the chat @MamaConchy but you sound like a good mum who is trying to do the best you can. It's hard, kids are hard - been there, done that and they have turned out just great. Ignore the people who 'know better'.

How much do you know about PDA?

You really shouldn't comment without at least Googling some basic (very) info

Sometimes they are little shits

You haven't got a fucking clue

And I say that as someone who only had to cope with a PDA child (who did go to school) for an hour every now and again.

They aren't being 'naughty' or 'defiant'. And you can't MAKE them do anything

Can't argue with that.

You're not.

Don't take the phone...discreetly hide ALL the chargers ... 😉

My 6 year old got round hers too, then shared it with her twin 😂

Still not 100% sure how she did it, I’m guessing she guessed the password? Could your DD have done that too?

I’d be going with a good old fashioned removal to some secret location in future…

Ds installed the app on his phone and logged in as us so approved his time. A few years ago now so don’t know if this is still possible!

And clean your screen off so they can't see the pattern of the pass key on the screen. Learned that the hard way with my pair!

Ugh😰 Your language..

Total bollocks about the school thing. I knew several school refusers and this is going back 25 years.

Haha. Absolutely! My work friends and I have started a club called 'The A Team'. A = arsehole and we begin each shift by asking one another if the kids are in "The A Team" today/last night, and if so is it with a lowercase a or a massive capital A. Knowing other people's kids are being little twats certainly helps, and what started as a Toddler Parent club has now branched out to those parents with teens and even young adults. 😅

She is a little shit and a sneaky one

I put a time limit on my DD's iphone, she showed me how when she hits the time limit it asks her whether she wants 5 more minutes or whether she wants to ignore the time limit for the day.... Not sure how to fix that. It's an iphone 11

There are a million ways to get around it - not necessarily because it’s easy but because children’s determination and imagination know no bounds when it comes to their phone and YouTube and social media are full of the hacks.
Most likely though she knows your passcode from watching you or has used your phone in a 1 minute space when you’ve put your phone down briefly, gone out of the room and before the screen locks to turn off screen control or add her fingerprint so she can access your phone.
You have to take the phone - and keep it with you or hide it really well, preferably after draining the battery so they can’t use ‘find your device’ to locate it.
And are you sure she (or you) doesn’t have an old iPhone anywhere she could be using?

I am still here! I was working/driving/getting home.

Well a really lovely update. I got home and the first thing I noticed was the house was sparkling clean from top to bottom. I mean I’ve never seen it so clean. This was the work of DD2, down to changing my bedsheets and everything. She then appeared down the stairs and handed me the £20 I’d given her yesterday. She threw her arms around me (she’s not normally huggy) and she was crying and said “I’m sorry mum” 🥲. We had a really long hug and I told her I loved her then we went up to my room for a chat where she told me all about the boy she’d met, and that she really liked him (they’ve been messaging/talking on the phone for a few months). I reiterated that I’m fine with that but I do need to know who she’s with and where she’s going from now on. She pinky promised me that she’d be honest from now on. Her screen time is back on, she did wrong, she’s tried really hard to put it right which isn’t easy for her, that’s the end of it (for now!).

So all good here, I was clearly very angry with her last night but didn’t shout, just delivered some home truths and hopefully judging by my welcome home they’ve sunk in.

Thanks to the posters on here who have been supportive and get it, unless you have first hand experience of PDA children it’s impossible to understand.

Yes the good old days eh. Me screaming and crying and grabbing hold of door frames as they passed as my 6’3” dad literally carried me out of the house under one arm to make me get on the school bus certainly gave me something to talk about in therapy as an adult, if nothing else.

I love your update @MamaConchy ! I've got a nearly 15 year old with additional needs who does all sorts of stupid shit (and who i call a little bastard frequently) and if I go toe to toe with him it ends up in an enormous mess. I have to pick my battles and it's taken a long time for me to work it out.

Sounds like you're doing a lovely job with her and how sweet of her to really try to make it up to you 🩷

The image of me wrestling my DS out the front door in his PJs is a good one 😂😂😂 He's 6 foot bloody 3 and I'm 5 foot 9 what would I do when I reached the car?! Open the door with my foot?!!!! Fold him in like origami??

Brilliant update, OP. She's so clearly well-loved, & she's figured out herself that she's seriously crossed a boundary. You've got this. 👏

@MamaConchy That's a great update. I have a 16 yr old and 13 yr old. I would block Snapchat and tiktok. They are not safe. Your daughter can speak to her friend over WhatsApp. Honestly if you haven't been checking her phone (as shes been talking to this boy for months without you knowing) then she will be accessing things that are not good for her. It's a bloody minefield having teens in 2025. I have huge sympathy for you. Best of luck