To wonder how the hell my dd has done this?

[MamaConchy]

Posting for traffic and I need some iPhone tech help!

Last night my DD age 14 was severely in the dog house and one of the punishments I have given her is to remove her screentime. Unfortunately after I’d retrieved her and dropped her home, I had to leave again for work and I won’t be back home until this evening. Adult DD was also home so she wasn’t alone.

I’ve set her screentime so that it’s basically switched off all day, every day, and her phone is blocked. But I’ve just had a look and somehow the little shit has been online for over 4 hours today (I turned her screentime off around 9pm last night). She will still be asleep now so presumably she was somehow on her phone from midnight until 4am for her to be online today for 4 hours.

I am planning on physically taking her phone away from her when I get home but I’d like to know how she’s getting around the screentime thing.

She’s not home educated. She has ASD and she’s PDA profile so I have to keep my demands very minimal with her. I tried doing work at home with her but she literally won’t, and I have to pick my battles with her very carefully. Also I am a lone parent and if I don’t work we don’t have a roof over our heads and can’t afford little luxuries like food.

Yes. Well at least she was on her way to meet him but got intercepted by the police before that happened.

That makes it ok to call an autistic kid with PDA a shit? Sure thing.

Also I will accept criticism regarding this from anyone else with a PDA ASD child who might have helpful ideas, but if you don’t have one then I’m afraid you’re not in a position to judge.

Not really. She does a vocational college course one day a week, and that’s it. She cannot manage mainstream, the LA wont assess for an EHCP for specialist education, she doesn’t respond to HE at all well, if you have a solution please let me know because honestly I’ve tried every avenue. There are so many kids like her in this situation, just look on the not fine in school fb group. The country is bankrupt and there’s nothing out there for them.

Fucking hell, not only are you completely missing the point of the post, you're showing yourself up.

Lots of people call their kids all sorts. It's completely in jest - you need to get out more and lighten up!

What would you do then?

So what would you do, given the OP is HAVING to work?

I have an Android, so no idea if an iPhone is the same, but it also double counts time if you have multiple apps running. I often use picture-in-picture to watch stuff whilst I'm also checking emails etc and it counts both app as being X hours of usage. Makes my screen time look much more than it actually is.
Can you not check the number of phone unlocks to see if she was actually using it?

At what age do I stop watching her 24 hours a day? And how do I afford to live while I’m doing that? She hasn’t done anything like this since she was 11, in fact she’s been great to be around (most of the time) for a long while, so it’s a bolt out of the blue. She’s 14, yes she had SEN but she has to have some opportunities to socialise, especially as she’s not in school. She was allegedly meeting a friend she knows well in a place she knows well. I had no reason to doubt her.

I do, but I’m not pretending they are the same age. We’ve set very strict screen time limits from the start, in the hope that it helps them long term. Screen time has always affected their behaviour terribly. That’s not particularly helpful for you right now. Outdoor pursuits have helped ours massively.

What you need to do right now is totally reassess the way you are approaching screen time. There need to be much stricter limits and I suggest you get her off apple devices and onto other devices that are much easier to actually manage. Also look up the SIM cards that are designed to restrict kids access, there’s two new ones on the U.K. market but we’ve not trialled either.

Get on the facebook group parenting in a tech world and ask for specific advice on there.

Whilst you’re at work is your daughter on her own? Left to do whatever she wants.

Sorry but several children and 2 teens with ADHD,ASD and other things and neither spend time on there phones like this. And neither does any disability make it right for a parent to call them swear words and let a child live on there phone. Yes I have to work and provide aswell as be a carer and mother but nothing at all makes me not want to interact with my kids rather than there heads buried for hours in a phone. Rather worrying you didn't even have a clue she's been meeting people off the internet

So I assume that the OP will have to lock her DD in the house as her out without her phone won't be safe?

Yes, we left center parcs around 11am and then I had to go to work. If you’d like to point me towards a magic money tree I’ll happily stop working.

So why don't you describe a typical day to give the OP some ideas?

She’s 14.5, what should I do? Put her in nursery while I work? She’s at home with my other DD who is 20.

I have a child with a PDA, ASD profile. People have NO idea, absolutely no idea. Luckily he's in alternative pathway education (Scotland) , but life is so very, very difficult, and he's only 12- God knows what's ahead of us.

Don't listen to those who have zero understanding. I teach (secondary)& work with lots of pupils with ASN, so I'm well versed, but nothing could have prepared me for this experience with a PDA child. For what it's worth, I've called him a little shit/ fucker in the privacy of my own space/ time when he's at school or asleep. I know it's his behaviour, not him, and I adore him, but sometimes we need to get out our frustration. Anyone who criticises that can piss right off.