To wonder how the hell my dd has done this?

[MamaConchy]

Posting for traffic and I need some iPhone tech help!

Last night my DD age 14 was severely in the dog house and one of the punishments I have given her is to remove her screentime. Unfortunately after I’d retrieved her and dropped her home, I had to leave again for work and I won’t be back home until this evening. Adult DD was also home so she wasn’t alone.

I’ve set her screentime so that it’s basically switched off all day, every day, and her phone is blocked. But I’ve just had a look and somehow the little shit has been online for over 4 hours today (I turned her screentime off around 9pm last night). She will still be asleep now so presumably she was somehow on her phone from midnight until 4am for her to be online today for 4 hours.

I am planning on physically taking her phone away from her when I get home but I’d like to know how she’s getting around the screentime thing.

I find iPhone settings are rubbish and the settings do not stay in place. I have done what Apple suggest and it still doesn't stay set up on one iPhone but is okay on the other.
Make sure the device you are using to turn it on/off is the same iOS as her phone.
Make sure she cannot change account settings such as the time on her phone.
You might need to remove all settings from her phone, using her phone and then set it all back up again.

I’m on that fb group OP, I also have a sen teenager who isn’t able to attend school and isn’t getting any kind of education (not through lack of trying and tears and begging the LA). You have my utmost sympathy.

Doesn't make her look bad either. Nothing wrong with calling them little shits when they are being little shits.

Amazing that she can cope with getting public transport into town to meet friends, can cope with finding her way to the house of strangers she meets online, but cannot cope with a day in school.

Nah, I am a really gentle parent, bf and cosleeping until 3 1/2 style but we all need to vent out of ear shot of our children. Calling your child at little shit when they can hear is a problem when they can’t is fine.

Wow, the absolute ignorance. I can imagine you’re a really nice person.

Hmm, what productive activity could a 14 year old be doing in the day between 9am and 3pm, Mon-Fri? I just can't think.

If by "really nice person" you mean the kind of person who would allow my child to opt out of going to school because she doesn't like it, then no, I'm not a really nice person.

Newsflash: sometimes kids/teens can be little shits. Just like adults can.

*an Autistic 14-year-old with PDA

Reported, I hope your awful comments are deleted. PDA is a recognised disability, you are bordering on ableist. You wouldn’t say any such stupid things to someone with a physical disability. Absolutely shame on you, disgusting.

Don't try and take the moral high ground when your child is spending 16 hours a day on a phone.

My child managed to get around my inbuilt parent controls when they were about 7, by resetting the clock or similar. Maybe even just rebooting.

Family link seems better. I can lock her phone instantly.

Can you control the WiFi?

You're very welcome. Hopefully you take it on board.

Wtaf? All you’ve done is constantly criticise or ask judgmental questions. And all between polishing your ‘parent of the year’ trophy.

seems more concerning that prior to this she was on her phone for nearly 16 hours in one day!

Maybe little angel would be better.

I think it would be better if NOONE took the moral high ground and focus on giving useful suggestions to OP instead of telling her what a shit mum she is.

If DD can’t attend school, have you requested alternative provision under section 19 of the Education Act 1996? On, their website, IPSEA has a model letter you can use. This is separate to the EHCP process.

When was the LA’s refusal to assess? Did you appeal?

My DD has been known to change the time zone on her phone so she can get access to stuff during her downtime.

I'm sorry but it's ludicrous. A child being able to happily make their way around the local area, meeting up with randomers from the internet and hanging out in town centres, but not able to manage school. Of course she finds spending a day in a structured environment hard when she's spending nearly all of her waking time glued to a device, no wonder she's suffering withdrawals when she can't spend all day scrolling. 20 years ago, if you said you didn't want to go to school, your Mum said, "That's nice dear, now get your uniform on or you'll be going in your pyjamas." And that was the end of that.

20 years ago, if you said you didn't want to go to school, your Mum said, "That's nice dear, now get your uniform on or you'll be going in your pyjamas." And that was the end of that.

That was me 30 years ago. My mum got as far as pushing me out the door. I just sat on the doorstep crying. There is no actual physical way you can force a teenager to go to school if they refuse to go.

It's wild that people still think you can just discipline autism out of a person.