To wonder how the hell my dd has done this?

[MamaConchy]

Posting for traffic and I need some iPhone tech help!

Last night my DD age 14 was severely in the dog house and one of the punishments I have given her is to remove her screentime. Unfortunately after I’d retrieved her and dropped her home, I had to leave again for work and I won’t be back home until this evening. Adult DD was also home so she wasn’t alone.

I’ve set her screentime so that it’s basically switched off all day, every day, and her phone is blocked. But I’ve just had a look and somehow the little shit has been online for over 4 hours today (I turned her screentime off around 9pm last night). She will still be asleep now so presumably she was somehow on her phone from midnight until 4am for her to be online today for 4 hours.

I am planning on physically taking her phone away from her when I get home but I’d like to know how she’s getting around the screentime thing.

Thank you! Someone who actually gets it. My other (adult) child has ASD but without the PDA and was a walk in the park compared to the second one.

Any more snidey criticisms?

the little shit

She is not a little shit, she is your daughter.

Her behaviour has been unacceptable - hate that, not your DD.

Do you need some help with caring for your DD? Do you have any support?

She clearly doesn't hate her DD.

No she also has ASD and has massive social anxiety. She doesn’t go out to work but sells her art on Etsy and is hopefully returning to college this year.

Ok did he manage to stay in education? And are you a lone parent who has to work in order to live?

@ThatAmberLemur Do you have an alternative option you can suggest to the OP instead of just telling her that 16 hours on the phone is outrageous?

I'm sorry but what she did isn't because she is a little shit, it's because she is incredibly naive and doesn't understand that she has put herself in danger. I have no idea how confiscating her iPhone is going to solve this. Unfortunately you are going to have to intervene heavily in a much more effective way in order to keep your daughter safe. She needs much more education about risks and much more supervision. She can't be trusted to make good decisions yet. Telling her off will exacerbate the problem not solve it.

I don’t know what you should do, I understand it you are stuck between a rock and a hard place if you can’t access school for her.

Do you have any family you can ask for help?

Also, for clarity here, we are talking about her “hacking” her way around your basic phone settings so she can spend the night on TikTok? Obviously that’s not ok, but it’s not actually in the same league as meeting a random stranger from the internet.

Doex she have any hobbies/passions? Is there anything she can do to start earning money? She’s on her phone so much she might as well learn how to monetise it. Setup a tiktok shop selling whatever. Import gems and sell them on to woo types. Make crafty stuff. Setup passive income streams.

I firmly believe doing similar when I was a wild mentally ill teen is what saved me. I discovered I was good at earning money online, and I’ve sidestepped into a profession that uses all those skills.

Is she into any causes? Any chance you can sign her up to volunteer somewhere for a few hours a week? Local dog rescue or whatever floats her boat.

Exactly. You don't sound very nice at all, bit too keen on dealing out punishments. What has she done to deserve this.

Right. So 16 hours of TV better then? Because the child is not going to sit at home reading a book.

You haven't actually suggested what the DD could be doing instead.

@MamaConchy Sorry OP. This is hard for you and people don't get how hard it is when you have a SEN teen who refuses to go to school. Mine was home for 18 months and luckily I could be home with him while my DH worked. I can't imagine doing it all by myself and people who don't know should not judge! You do need some help, that's for sure. My son is in SEN setting now and doing much better. I can breathe.. Is there no SEN schools in your area?

Thank you for your contribution.

Hey 👋🏼

PDA mum saying hi

No one has ANY idea what its like. I often find myself thinking that mid-meltdown. Sending love

i can only imagine she knows the PIN XX

As per people focusing on an off the cuff frustrated comment instead of the question asked

That's the thing, in NT children too much time on devices can lead to behavioural problems, but in ND children (and adults) devices are often what keeps them regulated. Taking that away from a child who needs that form of stimulation can lead to more behavioural problems. It will just add to their stress and also their parents' who have to deal with the resulting meltdowns.

But you've not suggested what she could be doing?

Seriously?

You think that's a plan?