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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

He says 'most women would just laugh', I think he's delusional. Settle a debate please

726 replies

TheFairSheep · 18/01/2025 23:30

Hi all. I paid for my boyfriend to get a tattoo yesterday as a gift as he has wanted one for a while. I saw these messages earlier of a conversation he had with a friend whilst getting the tattoo. I was (I believe) rightfully disgusted and annoyed. He says it was just banter and 'lads being lads'. He apologised but added that most women in relationships would just laugh if they saw those messages and maybe be a little annoyed but I'm overreacting.

We live together and I am pregnant. Am I being unreasonable here? (His friend asked who was doing his tattoo, he sent the screenshot. I have blanked out her details for privacy).

He says 'most women would just laugh', I think he's delusional. Settle a debate please
OP posts:
Whoknew24 · 21/01/2025 09:13

No I wouldn’t laugh at all, and judging by the texts he’s cheated before. What an utter prick, this is who he really is 🙄 what age is he early 20s ?

Whoknew24 · 21/01/2025 09:15

SummerFeverVenice · 18/01/2025 23:37

What is there to be disgusted about? I’ve had similar texts between myself and friends about a fit bloke at times. It’s discreet.

So you’ve never had a good look, sent messages and had a giggle over a fit server? Or guy at the gym? Or a poolside on a girls holiday?

Genuine myself nor my friends actually speak like that at all.

Wibblywobblyses · 21/01/2025 09:19

Mayana1 · 21/01/2025 08:03

Mentioning terminating is upsetting and really vile. Please be thoughtful!

This is judgemental of you. If a woman has a termination she has probably gone through hell and back to get to that point. Unless you have walked in that woman’s shoes for 24 hours, do not judge like that.

SteveBognor · 21/01/2025 09:32

I would comment - but no idea what it means, just a load of code to me - someone would have to take the time to use full words before I could follow that - you might want to get your phone charged - hope that helps.

Blades2 · 21/01/2025 10:05

I think you know your answer.
your boyfriends a dick.

MrsKJones · 21/01/2025 10:06

You paid for his tattoo? Surely if anyone is giving oral, it's him to you?

<Misses point of thread>

RecklessGoddess · 21/01/2025 10:45

I'd be furious and I would be seriously considering kicking his arse to the kerb, I don't think I could trust a man that thinks that's OK, when it is disgusting and disrespectful to you!

pinkyredrose · 21/01/2025 11:10

Mayana1 · 21/01/2025 08:03

Mentioning terminating is upsetting and really vile. Please be thoughtful!

Shame the boyfriend isn't thoughtful. Having a baby with a wanker is also upsetting.

HughGrantsfurrysquirrel · 21/01/2025 11:27

Is he always this much of a twat, or is he just putting on a little laddish show for his cerebrally challenged mate?!

One of my pet peeves is those who don't know the difference betwixt "you're" and "your" off/of etc...
So, aside from the infantile spelling (which I guess is the least of his crimes right now), if my partner was sending his mate a pic of another woman and commenting on a "blowy", i'd seriously question his integrity and level of commitment to me.

He sounds incredibly young, and certainly not ready to settle down.

Very concerning that this mate asked if you were still together. You can draw your own conclusions on that one......

Please don't allow yourself to be gaslighted by his "harmless banter" excuse. There are definite trust issues here.
Please ensure you proceed with your eyes wide open, and go with your gut instincts.
I wish you and baby-to-be a happy future. Xx

Mayana1 · 21/01/2025 12:10

Idontjetwashthefucker · 21/01/2025 08:08

It's not vile in the slightest

I didn't read the whole thread, but did the OP mention it as an option? Otherwise it is vile. But if she is actually considering it, then I get your point.

petmad · 21/01/2025 12:58

This is a don't discuss with anybody anything regarding you're partner whether you were joking or not hes an adult and needs to grow the fuck up

newtoallthisshizzle · 21/01/2025 13:11

Illiterate, rude and he’s also assuming that the tattooist would happily give him a blowy. Sure cos we’re all just here to add that little extra happy ending to every professional interaction. But mainly, WTAF??

sleepfortheweek · 21/01/2025 13:37

Is this the man you want to be with for the rest of your life? You only get one life, and you should spend it with someone who makes you happy and shows you respect.

While some women might 'laugh this off' you are clearly not one of them (neither would I be) so your compatibility is in question.

There is no way I could be with someone who speaks like that while in a committed relationship and whose partner is carrying their child. Sounds like a bit of a creep and a moron.

If you aren't happy - leave. Allow him to have parental rights, but focus on yourself and your child and creating a life which you are happy with.

Snapandfart24 · 21/01/2025 18:15

Mayana1 · 21/01/2025 08:03

Mentioning terminating is upsetting and really vile. Please be thoughtful!

This is a forum of individuals who give their personal opinions at the request of strangers. It might be blunt and unnecessary but it's not vile.

OP is in a vulnerable position - and state of mind, by all accounts - and this excuse for a man is going to effect her future and her child's future. She came here for all sides and she's getting it. It was worded bluntly, and it might not fit your personal perspective, but those are options.

Snapandfart24 · 21/01/2025 18:25

So sorry you are going through this, OP. There are lots of decent and savvy women here that can help and support you whatever you do. But life is long, mistakes are permanent. Most of us have learned that the hard way, and want to use that bitter wisdom to help others make better paths.

Certainly keep your baby if that's what you want to do. That should go without saying. But, if so, that decision becomes paramount. Very seriously. It means you will put that life above EVERYTHING else. Including a Temu wide boi. That decision is finite.

At the least, demand space; move home (or out of shared accommodation); prepare to go it alone and after that, if he fights for you both (you already know in your heart if that will happen, sweetheart. That feeling right now, reading that. Whether that knowledge gives you hope or puts a pit in your stomach, you DO know.) he's a good guy. It's not easy, especially for younger males.

Daddy has best part of a year to go through all the stages.. He will, it's right there in his attitude in that screenshot. He will come out the other side a Dad or a biological parent.

Prepare for this baby to change everything you know about love, loyalty, strength... If it changes him the same ways he can be a brilliant dad, it might just take some learning. If not, If you already have your own space and security and boundaries, you will be equipt to make the right choice with no second thoughts or doubts.

I wish you all the best of everything.

Snapandfart24 · 21/01/2025 18:38

Sorry, OP. Just saw he refused to delete an explicit pic of an ex and also he is 27, not 17.

Get out. Do you, if you want the baby. Don't stay because that will escalate and you will have destroyed your best years. What a creep.

Full disclosure. I was you, slightly different situation but pregnant accidentally 20 years ago (I'm 43) with my fiance of 4 years. I terminated the pregnancy. Let me tell you now, it's the biggest regret of my life. What I should have done was laughed, shaken my head and got my bag and keys, and walked out. I (or a friend or relative) should have made contact to arrange gettingy stuff and I should have kept that baby and made the best of a really shit situation. He told me to terminate, he was cruel and verbally/mentally abusive, but I was 22 and I saw him through naive eyes.

If the choice was to have to stay with him or terminate, I would have still done the same thing. I terminated, I stayed, heade a fool of me and told me I was paranoid and extra and 'most girls' were different. He lied. He was a cunt.
I have 2 kids, 12 and 5, with the most wonderful man that I've been married to for almost a decade. You couldn't compare those two men if you tried, absolute opposites. One raised by scum and one raised decently. Turns out it's a really big indicator.

I hope you get the outcome you hope for.

OliveOil2 · 21/01/2025 18:39

TheFairSheep · 21/01/2025 08:47

It was more my bf saying he might get a blow job from the tattoo artist and 'joking' anout cheating because I wasn't there than his friends spelling that upset me.

What about the message "lying... I know you too well" part, this doesn't seem to have been addressed and yet it is the biggest concern. His friend thinks your boyfriend has done this before.

DeadSpace3 · 21/01/2025 19:29

BonniesSlave · 20/01/2025 17:47

I dumped a guy last year over this "most people" bullshit. I dont care what most people would do. I know what I FEEL and thats my standard that i will be keeping thanks

Well, that guy dodged a bullet didn't he?

People calling for OP to get a termination really ought to get a grip. That is outright disgusting behaviour, far worse than that carried out by OPs OH. All of you that have said, or even hinted, that should be ashamed of yourselves.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 21/01/2025 19:36

DeadSpace3 · 21/01/2025 19:29

Well, that guy dodged a bullet didn't he?

People calling for OP to get a termination really ought to get a grip. That is outright disgusting behaviour, far worse than that carried out by OPs OH. All of you that have said, or even hinted, that should be ashamed of yourselves.

Edited

Women get terminations every day because they've accidentally fallen pregnant and the father is completely unsuitable. They have every right to do so.

Children deserve better to have their lives blighted by a father like this.

XiCi · 21/01/2025 19:53

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 21/01/2025 19:36

Women get terminations every day because they've accidentally fallen pregnant and the father is completely unsuitable. They have every right to do so.

Children deserve better to have their lives blighted by a father like this.

And not just the child's life. Your own life would be blighted as well having to deal with the arsehole and have him in your life for the next 18+ years.

HipToTheHopDontStop · 21/01/2025 23:46

DeadSpace3 · 21/01/2025 19:29

Well, that guy dodged a bullet didn't he?

People calling for OP to get a termination really ought to get a grip. That is outright disgusting behaviour, far worse than that carried out by OPs OH. All of you that have said, or even hinted, that should be ashamed of yourselves.

Edited

Don't be so ridiculous. Why should anyone be ashamed for pointing out the bloody obvious?
Let's not pretend we have to be all faux emotive and act as if an abortion is the end of the world. It's the practical, sensible choice here.
Grow up

shuggles · 22/01/2025 01:33

JandamiHash · 19/01/2025 02:38

That is typical "banter" for certain types of men.

And weirdly these losers always seem to end up with a woman ready and willing to have his babies and buy him presents. There needs to be some sort of public health campaign to educate women to raise their standards. These loser men more often than not have girlfriends

If a woman dates a man who approaches her, then there will always be a risk that that man is approaching other women that he likes. The simple solution is to opt for a man who doesn't cheat, then there won't be any concern about him having a relationship with the tattoo artist, for example.

Cariadm · 22/01/2025 02:11

TheFairSheep · 18/01/2025 23:30

Hi all. I paid for my boyfriend to get a tattoo yesterday as a gift as he has wanted one for a while. I saw these messages earlier of a conversation he had with a friend whilst getting the tattoo. I was (I believe) rightfully disgusted and annoyed. He says it was just banter and 'lads being lads'. He apologised but added that most women in relationships would just laugh if they saw those messages and maybe be a little annoyed but I'm overreacting.

We live together and I am pregnant. Am I being unreasonable here? (His friend asked who was doing his tattoo, he sent the screenshot. I have blanked out her details for privacy).

I have one four words to say to you and that is RUN FOR THE HILLS!!! 🙄
If you have any self respect and wish for self preservation of that there is absolutely NO future with a guy who engages in this sort of conversation and then calls it banter and tries to gaslight you into thinking YOU are overreacting WTAF!!! 😱
Go now, do not wait for your baby to be born as it will be much more difficult and if you imagine for one moment that DP will miraculously 'change' and become your Prince Charming...think again as you're better off alone, believe me, at 77 this year and a few relationships on the way I know what I'm talking about!!
He's not worth it, you are...Good luck! 🤗

GretchenWienersHair · 22/01/2025 05:36

shuggles · 22/01/2025 01:33

If a woman dates a man who approaches her, then there will always be a risk that that man is approaching other women that he likes. The simple solution is to opt for a man who doesn't cheat, then there won't be any concern about him having a relationship with the tattoo artist, for example.

The simple solution is to opt for a man who doesn't cheat

Can that always be predicted?

Likelyteapot · 22/01/2025 15:46

This is not ok on any level. Even for single "men" to talk this way is disgusting and not ok...i didn't know men still said this kind of shit. It's so 90's!! Let alone to talk this way when you have a pregnant girlfriend! Even if it's purely "bants" I'd be livid at him for giving me irrevocable ick when I was locked with his baby on the way.

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