He says 'most women would just laugh', I think he's delusional. Settle a debate please

[TheFairSheep]

Hi all. I paid for my boyfriend to get a tattoo yesterday as a gift as he has wanted one for a while. I saw these messages earlier of a conversation he had with a friend whilst getting the tattoo. I was (I believe) rightfully disgusted and annoyed. He says it was just banter and 'lads being lads'. He apologised but added that most women in relationships would just laugh if they saw those messages and maybe be a little annoyed but I'm overreacting.

We live together and I am pregnant. Am I being unreasonable here? (His friend asked who was doing his tattoo, he sent the screenshot. I have blanked out her details for privacy).

Would the blue not be the BF? So one of his mates talks like a 15 y/o? My lovely DH still has friends from school who talked to him like that until their mid twenties. DH grew up, the friends acted like they were still at school half the time — even when they got married themselves.

Just ignore it. And if it upsets you — don't snoop!

Very juvenile.

I’d be pretty revolted by his ‘mate’ but your OH hasn’t done anything terrible.

Oh, poor you. Pregnant by an illiterate, male chauvinistic pig. I'd say run... Unless you're also illiterate, and with incredibly low standards, pregnant or not, you're better off without him.

Some of these posts are just outright snobbery and an outlet to man hate. Poor OP isn't asking for your views on tattoos and most of you will have said equally dumb things on a girls night out.

These threads always make me so sad when the woman is pregnant. Love yourself, love your child and find a man who will treat you both right because this one won’t.

You gifted him a tattoo, you’re pregnant..this is honestly as good as it gets. The man should not be near women and I’m so tired of their shit atp. Women need to realise their worth. You’re creating life, that’s how powerful you are. No more dwelling with pond scum

This got me 😂
You summed them up so so well 👏 👏

He is right in saying it is just guys normal banter and that is the problem just as much as what was said. It is seen as normal talk by the majority of men even though it is disgusting. Misogyny is not on most men's radar, even when it comes to their partner.

Terrible spelling aside, I would laugh. I don’t understand why it’s so offensive .. I’d probably take more offence to someone being sneaky and going through someone’s phone

Yes scratch the surface and most men are misogynistic sadly. Let’s not be snobs here though, as just as many highly educated and literate men are actually worse, as they have more power. They are much more likely to be actually doing something about their fantasies and not just talking about it. Their partners are less likely to ever find out about it.

I didn't understand a word of it sorry

That's disgusting. He won't change, I think we can assume he doesn't know any actual women.
Just referring to females as girls in that context is gross unless you are very young, at least under 24 surely?
That's a LTB. Sorry. I never say that but really, how nasty and cheap, he thinks all women are sex toys does he? The tattooist won't be able to resist his little willy? Ick.

You're only 8 weeks pregnant. You have options. I think the choice is to be a single mother or to have a termination, either way you should end the relationship.

Tell him an animal name would be too nice for him! Total a**hole.

Mentioning terminating is upsetting and really vile. Please be thoughtful!

Its not vile at all it's practical. And a good option, much better than the alternative

It's not vile in the slightest

I hope this tattoo doesn't include any text. I'll never forget half of 7 Armoured Brigade & their 'Dessert Rat' tattoos back in the day. Still chuckle about that all these years later.

Yes, and this "most women" BS is not the overused "gaslighting". It's triangulation. Leveraging the (supposed) opinion of a third party to back up one's point.

I posted it in am I overreacting on reddit the same day I posted it on here.

My son, at 15 years old, wouldn't talk like that to his friends!

It was more my bf saying he might get a blow job from the tattoo artist and 'joking' anout cheating because I wasn't there than his friends spelling that upset me.

It does sound like he is just doing lads banter to impress his friend which is pathetic considering he needs to grow up as he has a child on the way. A mature person would shut that down and defend their relationship and future family but sadly many people just aren't capable of doing this. The more concerning thing is that he is gaslighting you and telling you how you should feel. Overreacting would be smashing up his car. Asking him to explain himself and holding him to account is not overreacting.

It's not vile at all! There is nothing wrong with termination if that's what a woman chooses, and nothing wrong with pointing out that it's an option.

Wise words spoken. I totally agree. Red flags, gut feelings and really bad behaviour are warning signs. If someone gaslights you and tells you it is nothing and that they are a really good person… they are the problem. It is not what they say, it is how they behave that tells you everything.
Make sure that you look out for you and do NOT get mistreated.