Would you find it a bit rude if someone did this in your home ?

[imnotgivinup]

I have this new ' friend ' and recently been extremely put off by her. Many many reasons I could go on, but in a nutshell- she's very dominant, knows it all better and is quite bossy too.

Her son and my son are in the same class at school and recently I invited them for dinner.

She picked them both up and took them to my house. As we came through the door, she demanded I immediately change my son's clothes as they'd played outside and rolled down a grass hill in the school. ( they do this every day, so it's not new to me at all ). She then demanded I immediately wash his hands too. As in, she didn't let him come into my house properly and ordered us both upstairs. I was going to sort him out anyway, in my own way, but she was so bossy about how I should do it and when, it really annoyed me tbh.

Then later on she was really raising her voice at my little one ( I have a 2 year old and 5 year old ) to sit properly in his chair. I was sitting next to him and handling his behaviour just fine, but obviously just not enough for her liking - she felt she needed to step in and tell him off quite loudly.

Then we moved to the living room, where the TV was already on. The kids weren't watching it and were just playing with blocks and trains and having a great time. I went to the toilet and when I came back, she'd switched the TV off. I asked her if the kids had switched it off and she said ' no I switched it off '. I thought that was also weird. I wouldn't turn the TV off in someone's house. The kids weren't even glued to it or anything.

These are just a couple to small examples of this woman's behaviour and I have decided to just keep things civil but to no longer engage as much with her. There are many more examples. Another one was that we went out as a group to a restaurant and she didn't think we should tip the waiters - even though I said we definitely should, as it's just what you do. She repeatedly told me no, the food wasn't good enough to be tipped. It was actually fine and the service was fine too. The food just wasn't phenomenal. In the end I slipped them some money, as I was so embarrassed not to tip anything. We were a large group- 15 plus, but her and I were sorting out the payment.

These are all red flags right ? Or am I just being sensitive here ? I would never behave like this with anyone - from ordering them to wash / change their child- I would have just made the mother aware and left her to decide what to do. To just switching off someone's TV and then demanding not to tip at a restaurant. It's just not cool to me to behave like that.

@Costcolover no, I do not have social difficulties at all. However even if I did, I am simply expressing my opinion as with many others (that is what social media is for after all), so I am unsure why in your short post you are talking down to me in a rude and condescending manner. I personally feel that it would be exceptionally rude to have the TV on in the background in the first place when you’ve invited people over.

To answer your OP, yes I would find how she was in your home rude and I wouldn’t have put up with it. I would have countered her demands to wash/change my child with “yes, I was just about to do, Thankyou”, and as far as shouting at your 2 yo with you sat next to them, that would have been “it”.
Keep her well at arms length, she’s an absolute pain in the arse.

I knew someone like this, she came into my house and took over! She disciplined my DC in a really bossy way, raising her voice and telling them that I would remove their privileges if they didnt do what she said, she tidied away things I'd deliberately left out for my own convenience, such as DC's bookbag for school and paperwork that was on my table, not knowing what it was for!
I don't think she had any awareness of how uncomfortable her behaviour made me feel.
I felt frozen to the spot the whole time she was here, and that wasn't for very long!
I did ask her to leave because i didnt want to be ordered about in my own home, and she laughed and remained seated telling me how she was honest and blunt, not rude. She simply refused to leave my house until DP arrived home from work!

I found her intimidating and knew I didn't ever want her in my house again, nor did I want to cultivate a friendship with her, but when she had left, I found myself reflecting on whether she had been unreasonable or if I was too sensitive.
In the end, it was how intimidated I felt by her and that she refused to leave when i calmly asked her to that was the main reason I cut her loose.
I have never regretted it and this was years ago!
It wasn't just one thing for me, it was a series of decisions she made in my home without consulting me or considering if this is the way I liked it and her refusal to leave! I don't know what I would have done if DP hadn't arrived! She made her excuses and left when he walked in.

DP says I should have demanded she left, which I think I did, although admittedly I didn't shout in her face! I'm not sure what else I could have done except tell her calmly and firmly to leave, which I did!

It's certainly harsh and judgmental.

@Byebyechicken
I'd have had 'er out the door with 'er arm up 'er back😈
or was she very 'hench'??😬

Sounds like bizarre behaviour in someone else's house! Could sort of understand it in her own house,but in someone else's? Really odd.

I think turning someone elses tv off is really rude, especially if it was on silent. If there was a gruesome bit of the nature programme I mightve done it, but I wouldve explained when you came back.

She sounds awful OP, Id let this fizzle out by being too busy to meet up

Having the TV on when you've invited guests in is pretty rude

Then you'd be arrested for assault, hopefully.

I always have the TV on as background noise, but I do switch it off when I have guests and just talking. However if it was just on silently with a screensaver type thing that's not so bad.

She sounds bloody awful and I wouldn't be entertaining her as a friend.

The first time someone really raised their voice at my 2 year old would be the last time. I'd have called her out immediately then and there.

It was me who wanted to leave my own personal tip. Not asking her to leave her own tip.

She didn't agree with me giving any tip at all. Sorry if that wasn't clear.

You wanted to leave a tip and she didn't want you to? That makes things different now. That's some bs, it's your money to do with as you please. She has no right to dictate that to you. Stand your ground next time and tell her off or stop being friends with her

Exactly

@pig
Not sure she used the word shouted but let's not worry about details when OP can not and must not be questioned.

@Lookingatthesunset

"With respect" is not a meaningful term to use either!

I think you'll find it's a a respectable way of saying you disagree with someone.

Is "shits and giggles' a meaningful term? It sounds crass and rather coarse to me.

We do not have a tipping culture in the UK. A service charge is usually added on to the bill. It is not outrageous that she did not want to pay any more. Unless OP is in the USA or another country where it is the norm of course.

I had one like this. She ended getting so obsessed with me and our friendship, she got incredibly bossy and one day said to my little girl

'I'll be very disappointed if you make friends with someone other than Ali, because she is your only bestie'.

I lost it, red flag 🚩 byeeeeee.

I get why to some people the turning the TV off is a nothing thing, but the way she acts as a person - I don't think it came from a nothing place.

No I wouldn't like this either it's the height of bad manners! Especially to your little one!
Also, I like the tv or something in the background down low

But it's still not your place to turn it off without even asking if that's OK.

Not everybody watches TV glued to it permanently; many people like to dip in and out and get the gist of it whilst they're doing different things around the house.

She may just have OCD?

She clearly assumes that other people share her values and habits and acts accordingly.

But why would she feel the need to boss and control people in the first place if she believed they were already wanting/going to do the same as she would?

I think she sounds like she believes she is right and that others are ignorant, and so they need her to 'put them straight'.

Oh wow, you're quoting me, just I drop in hours later.

She thinks other adults share her values, so bosses children around - as if on behalf of / assisting the other parent.