Would you find it a bit rude if someone did this in your home ?

[imnotgivinup]

I have this new ' friend ' and recently been extremely put off by her. Many many reasons I could go on, but in a nutshell- she's very dominant, knows it all better and is quite bossy too.

Her son and my son are in the same class at school and recently I invited them for dinner.

She picked them both up and took them to my house. As we came through the door, she demanded I immediately change my son's clothes as they'd played outside and rolled down a grass hill in the school. ( they do this every day, so it's not new to me at all ). She then demanded I immediately wash his hands too. As in, she didn't let him come into my house properly and ordered us both upstairs. I was going to sort him out anyway, in my own way, but she was so bossy about how I should do it and when, it really annoyed me tbh.

Then later on she was really raising her voice at my little one ( I have a 2 year old and 5 year old ) to sit properly in his chair. I was sitting next to him and handling his behaviour just fine, but obviously just not enough for her liking - she felt she needed to step in and tell him off quite loudly.

Then we moved to the living room, where the TV was already on. The kids weren't watching it and were just playing with blocks and trains and having a great time. I went to the toilet and when I came back, she'd switched the TV off. I asked her if the kids had switched it off and she said ' no I switched it off '. I thought that was also weird. I wouldn't turn the TV off in someone's house. The kids weren't even glued to it or anything.

These are just a couple to small examples of this woman's behaviour and I have decided to just keep things civil but to no longer engage as much with her. There are many more examples. Another one was that we went out as a group to a restaurant and she didn't think we should tip the waiters - even though I said we definitely should, as it's just what you do. She repeatedly told me no, the food wasn't good enough to be tipped. It was actually fine and the service was fine too. The food just wasn't phenomenal. In the end I slipped them some money, as I was so embarrassed not to tip anything. We were a large group- 15 plus, but her and I were sorting out the payment.

These are all red flags right ? Or am I just being sensitive here ? I would never behave like this with anyone - from ordering them to wash / change their child- I would have just made the mother aware and left her to decide what to do. To just switching off someone's TV and then demanding not to tip at a restaurant. It's just not cool to me to behave like that.

Not really. If my child has been playing with another child outside and they both then come and play together inside, they should both wash their hands to avoid bringing any outside germs inside/contaminate any toys they might play with.
OP didn't see to this, so the other mum had to. In this instance, whose son it is trumps whose house it us.

I think her behaviour is definitely odd but so is yours! If anyone came into my house and demanded that I change my child's clothes and wash his hands and told my child to sit properly in his chair, I wouldn't just take it - I'd tell them I don't need them to tell me what to do with my own children thanks so to keep their opinions to themselves! Why didn't you challenge it? You sound a bit passive 😳

She would have been out the door and out my life for good with some stern words if it was my 2yo she had dared to raise her voice to!

And the other stuff is just controlling and bizarre.

She clearly sees you as a weak target she can bully around.

Detach yourself ASAP and don't subject yourself or your kids anymore.

The point about the tip was that OP wanted to leave one and pay for it herself, the other woman was telling her she wasn't allowed to! What op does with her own money, tv and children is none of this woman's business!

She is one entitled bully and overbearing arsehole. Fuck her off now. I knew someone similar. We are no longer in contact. One of the best decisions that I ever made. She will drain and drag you down if you don't.

Life's too short for this shit. I'd drop like a hot potato.

Exactly.

It's not her place to do it in someone's house and is bad manners.

She is rude and entitled and should not be touching your things. What a cheeky cow.

Ignore the people fixating on the TV. Whether it’s acceptable/unacceptable to have the telly on when you have guests is really not the issue here and people’s thoughts on that aren’t relevant.

Your friend is rude, overbearing and bossy. She should absolutely not being telling you when you need to change your child’s clothes or wash their hands and she shouldn’t be disciplining your child in your home about the way they sit in a chair. She sounds unbearable, frankly. Pushy, rude, intrusive.

I wouldn't switch off someones TV but would really notice it being on with noone watching it , if it wasn't for the kids 'at all' and presumably not for you why would it be on.

Get rid of the new friend as that’s no friend just someone with rude manners who is looking for someone to bully around . Also you could have nipped this early on by saying my house my rules and I will make decisions for my children not you

The TV is on the majority of the time in our house. Sometimes when guests are over then it will just be playing music via BBC Sounds but it will still be on

If someone decided to switch it off as I stepped out the room I would think they were a bit of a CF.

You don’t like it you leave, but you don’t decide what happens in my house

It’s all rude apart from the TV. My biggest bugbear is going round a friend’s and they have the TV on for no reason, no one’s watching it, and it’s just ‘background’. I’d be itching to switch it off too!

Still rude to switch the TV off in someone else’s house though, even if you are itching to do it.

So she’s controlling, bossy and possibly tight (not tipping). Cant see any advantages in having a friend like that. If your little ones are going to be in the same class for the next few years then just be brief and vague with her. She will probably move on to someone else.

Did she bring a change of clothes for her own child? Maybe a washcloth and a towel? Because, if your child was dirty from rolling in the grass hers probably was too. I might've said something like "the boys are very muddy, I think they should wash their hands before we eat" but anything more is pushy.

I would minimise all contact and definitely wouldn’t have her in my home again in your shoes.

I don’t tolerate this kind of thing. We went on a group holiday one year and the only single woman there asked for a lift with me and my daughter. She was an utter pain in the arse barking orders at me as I drove, like I was a taxi or uber driver. She criticised my music in the car - kept telling me to connect her phone to my car (I didn’t know how, but it was beside the point). She kept telling me to speed up or slow down, pointing out the speed limits. At one point I was going far too slowly for her liking. I wasn’t going to slowly. She then insisted I pull over for petrol as my car was indicating I needed it by showing petrol stations on the map. (It does this all the time, regardless of the level of petrol in the car as it is set to show petrol stations. I explained this but she knew better.)

My daughter vomited on the way back and cried, so this woman shouted at her. My blood was boiling but I felt I couldn’t give her a piece of my mind while my daughter was already sick and needed calmness and support). She then told me I needed to drive to a set of shops other than where I was headed to pullover. I decided to just ignore her. Stopped where I wanted, drove where I wanted. She had insisted I follow a specific route home and I just ignored her demands and drove the way I wanted to. She then started speaking to herself about how I was ignoring her suggestions.

I spent £160 on petrol there and back and she sat in the car while I filled up without offering a penny.

I didn’t see her again after this. There is no room in your life for arseholes, especially where your children are involved.

Let her go.
Bossy mare.

Oh crikey I couldn’t be friends with her.

just jokey reply back “oh you must stop being so bossy stop stop stop”! And then laugh it off. If she starts up again say it again or choose your own saying. As long as it’s clear to her.

I do find the tv thing weird, I’d never touch people’s appliances without their permission unless I thought there was a fault and they were not around. But I would tell them as soon as they returned.

I think the friend was rude to tell you to get your child washed and changed in your house and she shouldn't be telling your child how to sit properly, but I think it is extremely rude to have the TV on when you've got guests and you should have switched it off.

Ditch the bitch.

Life is very short, and it’s very stressful when you are saddled with having to accommodate bossy, overbearing people who are not interested in ‘reading the room’ or observing boundaries.
I think you have a choice to make: the first is to have the slightly awkward conversation about boundaries, whilst being firm about the way she mustn’t act as a mother superior ordering you/the kids about, OR you can limit your exposure to her, thereby avoiding any meaningful interaction and finally there is the nuclear option of being v frank and saying that you find her desire to control situations v inappropriate and that you have nothing in common upon which to sustain a friendship.
Bossy people find it very hard to stifle their own opinions, and they are usually persistent bores, so I wouldn’t raise your hopes that ‘the chat’ will fix things. Some people drain the joy out of situations, and they’re incurable.

Why do you care if it’s on or not though? It makes zero difference to your life.

Incorrect. In the given situation it would.