Would you find it a bit rude if someone did this in your home ?

[imnotgivinup]

I have this new ' friend ' and recently been extremely put off by her. Many many reasons I could go on, but in a nutshell- she's very dominant, knows it all better and is quite bossy too.

Her son and my son are in the same class at school and recently I invited them for dinner.

She picked them both up and took them to my house. As we came through the door, she demanded I immediately change my son's clothes as they'd played outside and rolled down a grass hill in the school. ( they do this every day, so it's not new to me at all ). She then demanded I immediately wash his hands too. As in, she didn't let him come into my house properly and ordered us both upstairs. I was going to sort him out anyway, in my own way, but she was so bossy about how I should do it and when, it really annoyed me tbh.

Then later on she was really raising her voice at my little one ( I have a 2 year old and 5 year old ) to sit properly in his chair. I was sitting next to him and handling his behaviour just fine, but obviously just not enough for her liking - she felt she needed to step in and tell him off quite loudly.

Then we moved to the living room, where the TV was already on. The kids weren't watching it and were just playing with blocks and trains and having a great time. I went to the toilet and when I came back, she'd switched the TV off. I asked her if the kids had switched it off and she said ' no I switched it off '. I thought that was also weird. I wouldn't turn the TV off in someone's house. The kids weren't even glued to it or anything.

These are just a couple to small examples of this woman's behaviour and I have decided to just keep things civil but to no longer engage as much with her. There are many more examples. Another one was that we went out as a group to a restaurant and she didn't think we should tip the waiters - even though I said we definitely should, as it's just what you do. She repeatedly told me no, the food wasn't good enough to be tipped. It was actually fine and the service was fine too. The food just wasn't phenomenal. In the end I slipped them some money, as I was so embarrassed not to tip anything. We were a large group- 15 plus, but her and I were sorting out the payment.

These are all red flags right ? Or am I just being sensitive here ? I would never behave like this with anyone - from ordering them to wash / change their child- I would have just made the mother aware and left her to decide what to do. To just switching off someone's TV and then demanding not to tip at a restaurant. It's just not cool to me to behave like that.

The specific details of what she does don't matter.

You're just not that into her and that's ok.

We don't need to analyse the poor woman and pick apart her personality. We don't need to look for red flags. You're not moving in with her or thinking of sharing finances.

Don't invite her over again.

She sounds really rude and bad mannered. Keep it an acquaintanceship rather than a friendship and don't invite her round again.

I’d have laughed at her as soon as she demanded you change your ds clothes. I might have added in a salute and “yes sergeant major”
Dont invite her again. Ever.

It’s what the vast majority of people do.

And failure to do so won’t change wages culture.

I'm another one who never leaves the TV on when no one is watching something. Just why?

Apart from that, she is definitely dominant and bossy.
She's been allowed to get away with it too long, probably few have challenged her.
I have a friend like that too, drives me mad how she feels she knows more and is always right, when many times I've ( gone out of my way) to prove that she is wrong. You'd think, in time, that would humble a person , but not sure that it does really.
I'd call this woman out on it, especially in my own home with my own family.
As others have said, she'll either be offended or she'll calm down knowing that you are in charge in your home and she'll back down or tone herself down.

My DM also was like that too, always knew more than anyone else, and dominated. One day I told her off for just one more thing she bossed me about, and she never did that again; I think it was that she finally respected me for standing up to her.

I couldn't be doing with someone like this and I'd just not invite her round again. If you otherwise like her I'd try standing up to her and see how she responds.

The point where she started shouting at my toddler would have been the point where I told her to pack it in. I'd have been cross but frankly bewildered about being ordered to change and wash my child in my own home, but raising her voice at a a toddler that's behaving within the standards expected by the parent who is RIGHT THERE, and in their own home, would be across the line for me. Poor little kid must have had no idea what was going on!

It's a domineering attitude but turning a silent tv is something I would do as I'd assume one of the kids turned it on, never heard of someone having it on silent, why? As for clothing and hands , I'm guessing she germaphobic, obsession can easily come across this way as it's not rational.

I'd work out whether you are compatible, sounds not

She sounds to have lots of anxiety about cleanliness and germs and perhaps wider anxiety about doing the right thing all the time.

Omg, She sounds very overbearing and annoying. Doesn’t sound like much fun so no loss really if you are not friends but I would maybe give her one more chance if your DS really likes the other boy and just stand up to her if she is bossing you around. I knew a woman like this. She would physically impose herself by blocking your way and try and lead situations. I stood up to her in the end and we aren’t friends anymore as she didn’t like it but it might be different for you. All the best.

She literally made me go upstairs to avoid me from being rude to her if that makes sense. Following her instructions was the polite thing for me to do. As weird as it sounds.

Yes it sounds very weird. That was the point you should have reminded her it was your house not her house.

I wouldn’t have changed my kids clothes etc because she said so? Why did you give into her demands. She sounds crazy.

She sounds bonkers to me - YANBU to be very busy any time she suggests a meet up in the future.

Whilst I would hate to have a TV on as background noise, I would never turn the TV off in someone else’s house. Her behaviour was rude. Of course you don’t order somebody else around in their own home. I would not want to socialise with her as I prefer to spend my precious free time with people I like.

I do hate it when people use terms like ‘red flag’ for just not particularly liking somebody.

I agree she does possibly sound anxious but I would not want someone bossing me and my family around because of their unwarranted fears - not a good model for your kids to do that.

Not my kind of person. I'd find the change of clothes/hand washing dictating really rude and overbearing.
The TV thing not so much, seeing as they weren't watching it and she might have viewed the background noise as a pointless distraction.
She sounds like a tight arse re the not tipping for such a massive group. If she personally didn't want to leave a tip, OK, not my style but not unusual. But insisting nobody tips is not on. She sounds miserable and controlling.

she demanded I immediately change my son's clothes as they'd played outside and rolled down a grass hill in the school. ( they do this every day, so it's not new to me at all ). She then demanded I immediately wash his hands too.

that's not even just rude, that's very weird.

I wouldn't dream of turning the tv either on or off in someone else's house. It would be a big event for me. Just let her go. Have a cheery hello if you see her, but leave it there. She doesn't add anything to your life.

Oh how impolite of her! She should have made suggestions if she felt ao strongly about things. 'Shall I take the kids to go wash their hands whilst you sort the coats?' 'Shall we turn the TV off as the kids are playing nicely at the moment?'
I wouldn't put up with that, you are right.

I used to know someone like this and I would say firmly ‘I’m handling it thanks’ or ‘I have different house rules here’ or ‘if I want you to discipline my child I will ask’

Stop being ridiculous , at this point you say ‘excuse me but this is my house ‘ . Seriously if you allow yourself to be treated like a doormat then you can expect people to wipe their feet on you . You should have nipped it in the bud , in effect she is being rude to you in your home so why do you feel the need to be polite and go along with it .

Just a typical MN friend. They always “demand” things.
😉😁😁.

I had a friend like this. The kids called her sargent.... then she soon stopped!

We have a person like that who made themselves the Queen Bee of our Primary School mums group. We also have also had to cover tips on occasion when she decided ‘we’ shouldn’t leave one (she was/is loaded). Once had her DS over for play date, she dumped her DS2 too. Both refused food options offered and asked for steak. DS2 stood beside me while cooking and asked, with his mum’s intonation, ‘So why are you so fat?’ (I’m overweight, not obese). Never had them back. After drawing back she took offence and really stuck the knife in around the Mums group.
Only way to manage these people is to pull back as they have no insight. Just be careful of backlash.

Not in someone else's house it isn't