Boyfriend going on a stag do on my birthday

[Scribbleonapagee]

Yesterday, DP informed me that the stag do for his friend is set for the weekend of my birthday. He apologised and said that’s the weekend that most people could do and it’s not up to him. But he is the best man, if he told his friend he can’t do that weekend then I’m sure he’d have changed it! He can have his stag do any time, I can’t change the date of my birthday.

AIBU to be annoyed/upset at this?

cool wife? Is that the best insult you can find?

you want to see my flight tickets? I DID leave, admittedly the first time for 3 days not 5, when my first was 6 months old😂

Aside from the physical need to rest because of pregnancy and child birth, I am so cool I believe in equality between mum and dad. It works well in my house.

But if you prefer living in your little world where women are house slave, men take the piss and we are needy nags, go for it! It sounds awful!

Seriously OP should have included everything in her first post so wind your neck in!
@highdaysandholudays

Oh okay well if you’re not bothered about being left to hold the baby for 5 days whilst he goes on a piss up and you’re not bothered about the fact that you’re already skint and can’t afford this but what you are really bothered about is that it’s your birthday…. You are being massively unreasonable and need to reassess your priorities.

I can see why you're fed up OP. You barely get any family time together, you'd already spoken about how you could do something low-key but lovely for your birthday and instead of your partner speaking up and telling the groom that that weekend was tricky for him, he's prioritised his friend over you.
As others have said, I'd be pretty pissed that he works 7 days a week and yet he can bugger off for 5 days for a stag! I wonder if he'd be ok with you swanning off for 5 days and leaving him with the baby by himself? I suspect the answer would be no!

I’m reading it as:

@Littlemac2507 was previously married to “John” who had a daughter “Amy” with his ex-wife. Therefor Little Mac was stepmother to Amy.

Little Mac divorced John and is now married to “Steve” however kept a close relationship with Amy.

Amy got married, invited Little Mac and Steve, however Steve couldn’t make the wedding.

You can do your birthday any time. I'm doing mine in October this year and it's not my birthday that month

Do something with your mates and something with your bloke the week before/after. It's not a big deal.

I agree with others - unless it’s a big birthday it isn’t a big deal. Just one of those things, albeit a tad unfortunate.

Celebrate your birthday the following weekend.

@Scribbleonapagee

Sounds like there’s a bit of a wider issue that you feel things are tough and you feel a bit unsupported. Have you heard of Home Start? They support parents of children under-5. You can get help from a volunteer for up to 3 hours every week. They can help with what you need - emotional support and practical support like watching baby, helping with tidying up, having a chat etc. It’s all free too.
https://www.home-start.org.uk/a-volunteer-to-support-you

working 7 days a week isn’t stepping up now. I’ve heard it all.

Can't see the big deal. Go out with friends instead

I’m curious. We know that, to keep them afloat financially while OP is on maternity, he leaves at 6am every single day and gets home at 7pm then does the housework.

Seven days a week.

What else do you think he should be doing exactly to ‘step up’? Keep in mind OP has already said they can’t afford for him to drop hours.

Should he be the one getting up through the night with the baby? Would that be enough? I mean, who needs sleep before a 12 hour shift at a physical job then an hour or two housework. Lazy twat.

@Scribbleonapagee

You might also want to check out Family Lives too for support https://www.familylives.org.uk/how-we-can-help/in-your-area

My best friend had her hen do .... ON MY BIRTHDAY! The gall! It was the only date the fitted before the wedding, so be it. I was 33. No big deal what-so-ever.

You’re being very honest - but I was feeling sorry for you after reading the whole thread, about the holiday abroad despite lack of money, and slightly wishing I’d been kinder in my response, and now I’m not sure I wasn't right in the first place! An adult's birthday really shouldn’t be such a big deal.

Completely agree with you.

Shocking all the low standards of the cool wives. Why is he not taking the baby at work with him anyway? to let the mum have a nice rest 😂. Depressing he's not considering multi-tasking!

But men are never interested in supporting their family are they. As you said, lazy twat 😂

Forget the issue of whether or not he is home on your birthday (YABU on that)

If cash is so short that he is working seven days a week, it seems incredulous that he is going on a week long overseas piss up with his mates seems bonkers - you do have every reason to be hacked off about that, regardless of the timing.

But if money was such a challenge, why did he, as the best man, plan a stag do abroad for 5 days. He could have planned it in the UK, or for fewer days.
I can't see you that will cost each of them less than 2k each minimum including spends, and if you are so stretched financially that he has to work 7 days a week, why would he arrange something so expensive. I would be more annoyed at that tbh, rather than the birthday

YABU. It's a big thing for him and can't be moved. You get a birthday every year, and can celebrate on another day when he's home. You can't be the main priority every single second of his life. You're going to have a very difficult life if you expect this.

also... the birthday is not cancelled at all!

Just celebrate another weekend. It is unreasonable to be so upset because of the actual "day".

Something with mum and/or friends, possibly on the actual day, something with partner. You get 2 celebrations instead of 1.

Would actually caring hands on at some point for the baby not be better though?

I know several people who do homers (sparky, mechanic) and usually it is tax/NI free money, an hours’ work then chatting over a cuppa. And as I said before, OP is also grafting 7 days a week caring for the baby on her own.

Anyway - the OP has updated that she’s only really bothered about it because it’s her birthday (ie not the money or time away) in which case I have agreed she is BU.

I do get that, but maybe the way to approach your frustration about him going would be around the cost.
Could he for example fly out Saturday late afternoon , and he could help with baby the Friday night, you could have relax in the morning whilst he looks after baby, then go for a nice lunch as a family. Flying late afternoon would still presumably mean he could join in the night out if it's in Europe. That would be a compromise, and also save a bit of money.

Personally it wouldn't bother me dp going way on my birthday but I know i wouldn't go away on his if that makes sense. I do think your hormones will be a little here there and everywhere at the moment plus lack of sleep it's understandable it has upset you. I know finances are difficult for you, however maybe speak to him about doing something the weekend before or the weekend after (weekend after would be my preferred option so I can distress after it all).

I wonder if you’re feeling a bit neglected. If your bf wasn’t working so much and life wasn’t so overwhelming atm, a lay in / time together wouldn’t seem like such a luxury. When you add in that the other guys are openly saying they can’t make the date, why couldn’t your bf do that for you and decide that you’re the priority and that your wellbeing is just as important to him as his friend…… I don’t think there’s a right or a wrong but you sound vulnerable to me and I think you need to tell your bf how you’re feeling and I also think you are valuable and something needs to be put in place to make up for your birthday being missed. Communication is key here I think. Congratulations on your baby, it’s absolutely magical but such hard work isn’t it 😅🌷

I think that’s a good suggestion. Saturday night to end. If you feel you must compromise.
So if money isn’t the issue, the bigger question is why on earth he is working seven days a week when you have a tiny newborn op? It’s not on at all, unless you are seriously struggling financially. Which can’t be the case if he can fund this trip in the first place!
He needs to be spending the weekends at home looking after his own baby and giving you a proper break. This is a far bigger issue than the stag do. He needs to be stepping up and helping you.

Disregard the voting. It was based on your original op.