Boyfriend going on a stag do on my birthday

[Scribbleonapagee]

Yesterday, DP informed me that the stag do for his friend is set for the weekend of my birthday. He apologised and said that’s the weekend that most people could do and it’s not up to him. But he is the best man, if he told his friend he can’t do that weekend then I’m sure he’d have changed it! He can have his stag do any time, I can’t change the date of my birthday.

AIBU to be annoyed/upset at this?

Why should she go back full time?

If her co-parent wasn’t wasting money on a 5 day piss up maybe he could afford to work less and be more involved with the baby.

It absolutely could be helped, really.

So the bride was HIS DAUGHTER? No way that being a groomsman trumps that. OMG.

No, sorry I wasn’t clear. My step daughter from a previous marriage. Not his daughter.

So you mean his step daughter? That is still totally shit, come on.

Sorry, I wasn’t clear. My step daughter from previous marriage. Not his daughter .

No, she’s MY step daughter from a previous marriage. No relation to him. But they get on well.

Missing your own step-daughter's wedding for a stag do is pretty bad.

No, she’s MY step daughter from a previous marriage. No relation to him. But they get on well

Oh I see, Apologies

I still think that's quite rude but if you're not bothered oh well

That's because most posters see the 5 day thing as being a much bigger issue.

Actually, having read the rest of OP's posts, I sort of take back my previous. Or rather, if it was just a question of the weekend happening to be your birthday and fact it could be celebrated on a different weekend then yes. However I think the point is more: money is tight and he is working all hours, so, if he goes on a 5 day stag do it doesn't really sound affordable both in terms of the stag do itself and also the time not working, and if that means that he can't take another weekend off to celebrate your birthday with you as a family (and by which I don't necessarily mean doing anything particular but as you say, just a) all of you spending time together and b) taking the reins with the baby so you get a rest), then yes I can see why you would be disappointed. Whatever happens just remember these are the tough years and so there are some times we just have to suck it up provided that it's not for ever (by which I mean provided that there are other birthdays where you do get spoiled a bit etc) and that there are times when you do get a rest (and him too as doesn't sound like either of you get that at the moment, but it does get easier).

Time to grow up! If this is how you behave when you can’t do want you want, your relationship is doomed! Your rationale for the date being changed is you basically want to stay in bed! I really cannot believe your childlike attitude to the whole thing! You sound totally self centred!

@Scribbleonapagee your update makes him more unreasonable. That's a lot of time and money to be spending away from you both.

Do you have any friends? Maybe you need to start joining mother and baby groups if not. Have you spoken to your health visitor? She may be able to suggest ways to get you a break? There used to be a thing where college students would help new mothers?

It's going to do that to me, unfortunately. 😟

Ah @Scribbleonapagee - if it really is just about it clashing with your birthday and not the wider issues, I’m afraid I have to change my mind. Maybe if it was a special birthday, ok, but a random birthday and you’ve no concerns about the money/5 days/leaving DD - then YABU.

I think the issue is that your partner can’t afford to go on this stag do really, if the only way you’re making ends meet at the moment is by him working 7 day weeks.

Is there no one else in your or his family who’d be up to watching baby on your birthday?

Ahh but you'll see the OP doesn't care about that just that he won't be there on her birthday.

sorry, I wasn’t clear. She’s MY step daughter from a previous marriage. No relation to him. But they get on well, she understood completely.

I am so confused. WHO is the step daughter, what is the relation with you and with him?

In most cases, I'd say weddings trump stag.

Agree with this.

Because he isn’t working 7 days a week to go on the piss up!

He was already doing it and will continue to do it whether he goes on the stag or he doesn’t.

Why twist things to make him seem like an awful, unreasonable twat? Sounds like he is doing everything he can to support her and his child hence the brutal weekly hours and the housework when he gets home.

I think to be fair no one is the bad guy here. I think your dp sounds pretty great in offering to work 7 days a week most weeks for 9 months so you can get to spend more quality time with your baby and helps with housework after his 12 hour day. I don't think a long weekend away in the middle of it all when your baby will be 6 months old is taking the piss really .

What, a mild disagreement? Do you need a trowel to lay it on any thicker? And oh yes, I forgot a woman isn't allowed to want anything for herself after becoming a mother, not even an extra bit of sleep.
Top tip. You don't have to end every sentence with an exclamation mark!!!!!!! (Although more than four in one go is a sign of madness in the Discworld novels, oh dear. 😁 )