Does anyone wish they hadn’t had a second child (despite obviously loving that child now they are here)

[Mumwhatathat]

Just that really. I’m on the fence about a second and feel it’s more a society pressure about when you’re having the next, rather than wanting another. Any plus points to having one?

I would hate to just have one as I feel they get so much out of having a sibling.

Two is so much more work though - the bickering over nothing etc but on the other hand we can go to soft play or the park now and off they go to play together and we don’t have to be climbing with them.

@BraOffPjsOn i feel so conflicted !

we can go to soft play or the park now and off they go to play together and we don’t have to be climbing with them.

I've one child (now a teenager) but I had lots of friends with same age kids, so spent a lot of time in soft play and parks. They all played together, didn't bicker, then I could go home to my nice calm bicker free house. Win win

Yeah same. And my child is quite happy to run round soft play or the park pleasing herself. She's not attached to me as some sort of clingy child people will have to believe that only child are. She's independent and confident.
No way in hell would I have a second, life is great with one.

I feel the opposite - I genuinely can't imagine the work in having one because my two play together constantly. Often when they're playing together at the weekend I am massively grateful I don't have to join in with imaginative play 😂 But I suppose it's luck of the draw to an extent whether your two children get on as I imagine some siblings spend very little time together.

Not regret but I did have moments of sadness about a few things I couldn't do with my DS when we had DD because I was heavily pregnant and then had newborn.

Pretty short lived though as now we've left baby days they play together really well and get on well. They always want to sit next to each other and it's great they always have a playmate on days out. Really lovely to see.

I'm an only child and always played very independently at home, it's seems quite lonely looking back now when I see my too giggling together or giving each other bedtime cuddles.

Yeah I imagine having friends with same age kids made all the difference. Like family.

It depends on personalities too as DS2 is more sensitive and it really helped with things like school transitions to know his brother was there. I know they’ll always be there for each other. My brother and I are so close as adults and moved out together into our first flat years ago.

Just all depends on individual situations and do what you want to do OP.

Ah they constantly play together - they’ll just argue about who’s getting to the car first and all the stupid things!
When theyre making breakfast for each other or drawing together I melt (and try to hide with coffee in bed!)

Same here, she's 8, we have regular playdates at each others house, meet up at the park etc, she's very confident and social, on holiday will go chat to any other kids, go to kids club and make friends, can play happily independently.
It's nice and easy with one, days out are easy, holidays are easy, it's easy for us to have 1-1 time with her, she gets to go to various clubs etc as can afford it.
A sibling isn't a guaranteed friend, i hated mine growing up and a lot her friends with siblings seem to argue a lot (not saying they don't have good times!)
It's whether YOU want another OP.

I stuck with one.

I always wanted 2 but husband wanted 1.

The more I thought about it and the older DD got, the more i realised 3 things:

1. I wanted 2 because that's what I'd been brought up with (until parents divorced- I lived as an only for my teens and honestly never thought about not having a sibling around. I do remember the endless child squabbles and competitiveness though). I am glad to have a lot of step siblings becauseni love big loud gatherings. 2 kids wouldn't have given me that and DH would not have been onboard for 3 plus!

1. I don't want less time with DD. The older she gets, the more time and patience I have to do homework with her, go on daytrips, gossip, watch her clubs...it's easier earlier and its higher quality time.

1. I'm more uptight than I thought i was and probably had some undiagnosed pnd. I personally would have been half as good a mum to both for a number of years. The tradeoff didn't work.

Lastly, I'll ignore any comments saying I'm horrible, but if I'm honest, I wanted a daughter and I got one.

@NeedthatFridayfeeling said it all! Exactly what I was going to say. Having one is absolutely gorgeous, I love it. I didn't really want another one, but went through a lot of soul searching anyway, because I felt guilty. It's ridiculous. Guilty about what?! A sibling is no guarantee of anything and in our case would have meant a very different life for all of us. I don't just mean financially. I would have had to change my job, DH and I would have been even more exhausted and the benefits our daughter enjoys (e.g. time, space, choice) would have been largely wiped out. One has been great for all of us and she was never remotely interested in having a sibling. Look hard at your own life and desires and honour them. If you long for another child for that child, iyswim, go for it. If you think you 'should' have another, for whatever reason, I'm not sure that's enough.

My child's sibling ended up being twins. Destroyed my marriage but I don't regret it. Yes it's bloody hard work. But the relationship between my eldest and the twins is lovely - and it's my job as their parent to ensure this relationship endures Into Adulthood by raising well rounded happy and kind children. I do personally find being deliberately one and done for material reasons a tad selfish. But maybe because my ex husband was an only child and he very much has all of the negative personality traits of not having grown up with a sibling.

DC2 was much harder work as a baby than DC1, and it was a bit of a shock going back to the baby phase. I did have times when i thought to myself “what have we done”! Once they got to the playing together stage it was great. Of course there are the occasional fall outs but, on the whole, they’re there for each other and look out for one another. I hope it’s a lifelong closeness like I have with my own Dsis.

My son is an only and had friends here a lot, went to their houses and always made little friends at soft play etc. We were always happy to participate, climb with him in parks, do activities and so on, too if there were no kids to play with. He was and is very confident and great at making new friends. I think that's a skill many only children have. I have noticed that in families where there are 2 children are more they can be quite insular and closed off in general and at activities like soft play and only want to play with their sibling/s the entire time, not mixing with other children. Obviously they are not all like that and the opposite can also be true.

I was on the fence for a while. Couldn't quite put my finger on it. Went ahead and had a second because I knew that I would forever wonder about a second if I didn't and decided that I'd probably regret it more not having one than actually having one.
However, I will say that age (mine) and age gap was definitely a factor in my thought process. I didn't want a big gap between them.

When second baby arrived, I had a few days of "oh my god what have we done?!" I just wanted to change my mind. It was awful.

And then after a few days... things started to change and I got that overwhelming sense of relief, like I felt li me my family was complete and that DD2 had been the missing piece all along.

Would not change it for a second. I absolutely LOVE having the two of them.

And now I have absolutely 100% no desire for a third. I know that very firmly. Which makes me realise my "on the fence" feeling was there for a reason. I think if you don't want any more then you know.

I'm glad I had more but definitely have moments of being jealous of a friend who has an only child and makes it look like a great option. Different options work for different families.

I definitely can't comment on the positives as mine isn't here yet, she's due in July and will have a 19 month age gap between her and our son so they're pretty close in age but I'm nearly 39 so didn't want to wait too long.

But I can tell you why I really wanted a second, I used to think if our son was an only, his dad and I might well have passed away while he's still in his 40s, he doesn't have cousins on either side and if he hadn't met anyone or had children of his own he would literally be left with no family at a young age. So whilst nothing is guaranteed, I felt more confident that with a sibling he would still have access to family in the form of his sibling, their potential partner and his nieces and/or nephews etc.

I also remember a line from a TV show once where the character said, "your parents are gone too early, you meet your partner late in life, your siblings are the only ones there for the whole ride. They're the only ones who share your story", and pitifully it made me cry 😢😂

Whether they're close later in life or not, I wanted to give him the opportunity to have a person for life. On another note, as his dad and I get older I don't want him to feel obligated to be the "go-to" person that we rely on. We will try and avoid this whenever and wherever possible, but if there are circumstances beyond our control I don't want him to feel all alone in trying to deal with it.

I love having two but we I’ve in a rural area so they are good company for each other and nearly the same age. But I can see if you have loads of cousins or close friends for them their age - the calmness and less expense would be a massive plus in having one (two sets of hugs with two though )

I have three children. Going from one to two I found easy. Two to three I found hard. I had hg during pregnancy, an emergency section at 30 weeks where we nearly lost her and I then also developed sepsis. My dd has been left with a lot of medical and learning issues.
On occasion I do think life would have been easier had we stopped at two children. But I would live every difficult moment ten times over to have her in my life. No matter how hard parenting is for me I always think it's worth it. Those little smiles and hugs melt the troubles of life away.

We are one and done. I couldn't imagine having to split my time between 2 children and having 1 means we can travel and do more with DS.

My second child is in the throes of the terrible twos and doesn't sleep through the night.

We wouldn't be without her though, and neither would her big brother.

One and done is great!
Lots of adults can’t stand their siblings, so if your child has lots of friends and family near,one is portable and easy .

I asked single “children” as adults and they loved being a single.
If you are happy with the one you have- why risk another?

No and sometimes I wished I had a third.

I'm not going to lie, I was nervous having a second and he was hard work for the first three years. Then it was like a switch was put on and he became the happiest funniest caring lad ever. He is now an adult and is exactly the same As he was a child. I ha e never had any problems from him.and he was an amazing teenager that all the teachers liked. I'm really close to him
How could I regret that!

I have two and there's a big gap (5 years) between them. I don't regret her at all, but there are definitely moments where I'm conscious of how life is more difficult now than it would be otherwise. Eldest is nearly 9, and when I speak with friends who have similarly aged children, there's a sense of more independence for the children, and more freedom for the adults, as they're able to do more non-parenting things as the child gets older.

My daughters are also quite different in personality, oldest is more easygoing, youngest is quite strong willed. Parenting her feels relentless in a way that I hadn't anticipated, and the exhaustion can be hard going. In having a second with a big gap we've stretched out the early parenthood exhaustion over a longer period, and it's hard. But on the other hand, they're so lovely together and watching my eldest be a loving big sister is so worthwhile.

The other thing is, parenting's a long game. It's incredibly hard work now, and there are times when it's frustrating that they're at different ages and stages, but they're not little children for long. Our relationship will grow and change as they grow, they'll become teens and then adults and having the bond between them, as well as the bond they have with us, is part of what I wanted from a family. Like @MaltipooMama says, the thought that they have someone in their life who knows them and shares their history is a great thing, and I hope they can be a loving and supportive presence to each other when I'm gone.

Never have a child so the first dont get lonely.
Never have a child if you want them to care for you when your old.
Never have a child if your on the fence about it.
I had one and i was done we have a great relationship he was never lonely and enjoyed being an only child no sibling dramas (it was also cheaper).
Hes a grown man now and getting on with his own life with his partner.
We moved to thailand when he was 8 and we have never looked back.
Never would have had the life we have if i had more kids.
No regrets.