Does anyone wish they hadn’t had a second child (despite obviously loving that child now they are here)

[Mumwhatathat]

Just that really. I’m on the fence about a second and feel it’s more a society pressure about when you’re having the next, rather than wanting another. Any plus points to having one?

It’s a massive step up and the financial implications are significant, too. For us it’s struggling to stretch to two swimming lessons, two music classes etc but I imagine for those a couple of tiers up stretching to two lots of private school is a significant difference. Saving for two futures as well (uni fees etc).

I adore my kids and can’t imagine not having either of them. I like our dynamic as a family
of four and how sweet they are together. But I do look sideways at our friends with one kid and think how much extra income we would have for holidays etc. not to mention the extra space in the house.

Following with interest. My son recently just turned 2 and we had originally said that's when we'd start trying, but neither of us wants a second child currently!

I'm an only and enjoyed, my husband has one brother and a great relationship with him. I definitely identify with that feeling of "it's what you're supposed to do". I really struggle with the idea of splitting my focus, particularly in the difficult late pregnancy/new baby phase. I struggle with the idea of going back to the baby phase (as much as I'd love the snuggles) because I'm enjoying being able to do so much more with our son now he's getting older.

The introvert in me needs breaks and time off parenting, and that would be so much harder with 2 - even with pretty good family support.

I don't have the answer, but I've got the same questions!

I did worry I might not love second as much as first but honestly, from day one he has been my joy. Grown now and we are actually closer than my eldest (even though I am still very close to him too).

I was only originally going to have one but decided I didn’t want him to be an only child, so I guess my motivation was the maligned ‘don’t have another just to keep the other one company’. I don’t regret it for a minute.

Love having 1. Especially now DD is 16. We definitely made the right decision.

I have 4 siblings. Dh has 2, so it's not like we don't know what it's like. We love our siblings too, but 1 was the right decision for us.

We can pursue lots of activities we couldn't have done with 2 or more.

I also appreciate it as I've seen other families who's kids bicker, adult siblings who don't talk to each other etc.

We have a calm peacefulness in our merry gang of 3.

We do have a larger living extended family of cousins, uncles etc.

DD is not a brat, or lonely, or shy, or any of the other stereotypes people with more than one child constantly try to profess🙄

I wouldn't say you're right or wrong wanting more than 1, but this is just my experience.

Also, some of the stereotypes about only children are such bollocks. I have a couple of good friends who are only children and they are the kindest, most generous people I know.

I was happier with one had free time wanted another had a 2nd one almost a decade later I wouldn't recommend it. The starting again , am more exhausted. I've aged massively in the last 3 years.

No regrets at all - and I was almost 41 when I had DS2 with an almost 8 year gap. It was easy when DS2 was a baby/toddler, but harder when he was 5/6 and we had to see different films at the cinema and go to different parts of theme parks etc, but now they’re 24 and 16 I am so glad they each have a sibling.

My child's sibling ended up being twins. Destroyed my marriage but I don't regret it. Yes it's bloody hard work. But the relationship between my eldest and the twins is lovely - and it's my job as their parent to ensure this relationship endures Into Adulthood by raising well rounded happy and kind children. I do personally find being deliberately one and done for material reasons a tad selfish. But maybe because my ex husband was an only child and he very much has all of the negative personality traits of not having grown up with a sibling

Who is it selfish to? There are no unselfish reasons to have children.

Having one is absolutely fine. Not sure why people try to guilt others for it. Siblings aren't guaranteed friends and so many don't even bother.

My mum! And I got absolutely nothing good out of having a sibling, literally not one thing, I really wish I'd been an only. I dread having to deal with my parents estate when the time comes with my sibling I never speak to,

I have an only and it's been absolutely wonderful, many of my friends looked on with envy at how easy, quiet and calm my house was without 2 kids arguing and fighting. He's an adult now and has always been thankful to have not had an annoying younger sibling.

No regrets here. I don't find parenting easy, particularly the early bits, but I've never regretted my second for a second. With my first I definitely had "what the fuck have I done to my life" moments, but that had all passed when DC2 came along 2 years later. Love having the two and the moments where they're getting on well together and not doing my head in with the squabbling are truly wonderful.

ETA - nothing wrong at all with having just the one, there's pluses and minuses both ways. But two was the right number for me. Would never for a single second contemplate a third.

I have 1 4yo DS and he has ASD. I've often thought I'd like another but we have for now decided against it. The last 4 years have been really tough with DS and even though his autism is relatively mild he has been incredibly challenging. We know the risk of having another child with ASD is increased. I don't think it would be fair on anyone.
Things have improved over time, and I feel really lucky that I am able to meet his needs and he has made so much progress because I know had I had another that would not have been possible. I'm sad about not having another but I know there's no guarantee siblings get along. I know plenty who don't. And right now we can prioritise our son and give him all of the support and attention he needs.

I think it has as much to do with personality as anything- there's almost a decade between DH and his sibling and they're very close, they talk most days.

I was never that maternal and after first DC decided pretty much not to have any more.
DC2 was born seven years later (unplanned) and we love him to bits and so does DC1. DCs are very close despite age gap.
Never regretted it.

No, not for a second. She is the purest joy and absolutely doted on by her older brother (and us). They're best friends - except when they want a toy the other one has - and as an only myself I don't want that burden on my children.

This is what I found too.

The only good reason to have another is if you (and the baby’s father of course) want another. Do not do it out of some misplaced “giving them a sibling” thing. There’s no evidence that only children are unhappier or worse off in any way for not having siblings, all the claims that this is the case have been debunked.

The decision really is so personal OP, you need to think about how you imagine your family in 10 years time.

We have a baby and a 3 year old so it's very full on. I'm on mat leave so we have less money. But seeing their relationship develop and adding a new little person to the family has made it 100% worth it.

The single best part of parenting has been watching my two interact and share experiences growing up together.
22 and 19 now. Never a single regret.

I have 3 and I agree with you in a way! I don't regret any of them, but I can definitely see why people choose to have less too.

DC1 is 6 and still pretty clingy, always has been.

DH took the two oldest to soft play recently - 6 and 3- and it was a total disaster tbh, definitely won't be trying that again any time soon. He certainly wasn't able to just sit and have a coffee.

Depends a lot on the kids' ages, age gaps and most importantly personalities.

Love having two. Same sex close in age so played together really well. Now they are late teens they have a lovely sister relationship despite the odd scrap over nicked clothes. Hear gales of laughter from upstairs. We get on very well as a family have a real laugh. So for us it has been wonderful having dd2.

I wouldn't have had 2 had I known they'd both have ASD and I'd be a single parent! I'm an only child and thought it'd be great for my first child to have a sibling, to be a lifelong friend, entertain each other, all the things I never had and so on. Instead it's a battle between them every day and the fallouts over literally nothing are mind boggling. Sometimes I wish I'd just stuck at one so could give that dc full attention, but instead I'm split between 2, both with very high needs. They rarely get on and both being on the spectrum means it's hard for them to read each other and social cues are easily missed, so they often unintentionally upset each other.

However to give the opposite scenario, my partner (m) has a sister a few years younger and they are such good friends, are very close and supportive and have been good friends throughout their childhoods too. So it's all just a gamble!

Only child signing in. It's swings and roundabouts. Some things you miss out on, other things you gain. There are no guarantees for them getting along. Or not being disabled.

I "needed" two. It was hard work. Still is. Did want a third but glad I didn't in the end.

They might get on better when older...

actually still waiting

Or not!