Does anyone wish they hadn’t had a second child (despite obviously loving that child now they are here)

[Mumwhatathat]

Just that really. I’m on the fence about a second and feel it’s more a society pressure about when you’re having the next, rather than wanting another. Any plus points to having one?

I had three, with a three and a half year age gap between each of them.

I don't regret any of them and really can't imagine or remember life without them.

I do think though that it is perfectly normal to have doubts and also "oh my god, what have I/we done!" moments too. I know I did. With all of mine, even the first after she was born. It's just such a culture shock.

Mine are all in their twenties now, all very different and they get on pretty well, all things considered.

I'm one of two children who loathed each other and made each other's lives miserable. I hope my mum had a second because she wanted another child, because if she had him for my benefit then she actually ruined everyone's life for no gain .

We have an only and we're very happy with that choice. I find he's a lot more socially able than a lot of his peers with siblings, as he's had to learn to socialise properly rather than using a sibling as crutch. My husband is one of six siblings who all get on pretty well and still didn't think a second child was necessary.

Having an only child has only been positive for us. No bickering; all activities and days out to suit DD's current age; obvious financial benefits; more time to support DD with transition to secondary school, homework etc, only one set of sports, clubs etc to arrange and ferry around to. She's never wanted a sibling and we are a close team of three. I don't feel she has missed out on anything but has gained so much from the amount of attention and support we are able to give her.

I have two and sometimes I do think wistfully about only having one. But then other times I think wistfully about having 3 😂 (not happening for us)

Then I think of the relationship I have with my lovely brother, and also my DSIL, and my nieces/nephews and I’m happy my two have each other.

My two adore each other and would be HORRIFIED at the idea of life without each other. I don’t think they’d even understand the concept. They are part of each other’s identities.

Yes life might have been easier in some ways only having one - but then I’m guessing id be wistfully thinking about having two.

Ultimately you are probably ok whatever you decide - there will be good things and bad about either.

All I can add to.this is if you want grandchildren, the more children you have, the more you have a chance of grandchildren.

Absolutely not!

I adore having 2.

I am an only child and having 2 just brings so much more variety to everyone's lives.

I'm desperate to have another but can't be bothered to spend time with men and I don't want two without a partner /one having a dad and the other not having one! If I had a nice partner I'd have three more

One was very hard. I found two easier than having one, it was perfect. Then two to three was unexpectedly really difficult again.

It certainly helps to be close in age if you want them to be close in childhood. However, my sister is 12 years older than me and as adults we are very close (as a child I adored her and she was very sweet to me when she wasn't off to school/with friends etc etc which wasnt often)

No, I have three and they are a gift each one

they are late teens now and I love being a family of 5

i like having 2 , wanted 3 or 4 at one point and now im peri menopausal v glad i stuck at 2 !!!

At a different life stage to you but so happy I have siblings now my parents are elderly and need support. No guarantee a sibling would step up but it would be daunting as an only child. Not saying that's a reason to have more than one but that is my experience

Don't have another if you don't want to.

I personally found having two fine, but I was lucky - both were pretty easy newborns/toddlers and have never rowed or wound one another up much. It's a roll of the dice but I imagine most people are fine with having had a second, even if it was more of a challenge.

Whereas my experience is the opposite - I’m one of 4, my dad just died after a long period of illness/infirmity and it would have been considerably easier to deal with if I hadn’t had to involve my siblings in decision making. They were no support whatsoever and my friends and DH have been my support network completely.

Do not use misplaced guilt as a reason to have a second child, please only have one if you both want one, and have the capacity to parent more than one child well. It’s really a throw of the dice whether siblings would enhance or negatively affect your child’s life.

We can be defensive because we are so often told we are selfish (including on this thread) and that our children will be lonely and unhappy. Are we just supposed to agree?

Probably because people shit on them all the time. Literally the first reply to this post set the tone for only child bashing by saying "I'd hate to have an only child" rather than focusing on why their second child was a good choice for them.

There’s a difference between saying “a second child was the right choice for me for these reasons” and “I’d hate to have an only child”.

I wonder why? 🙄

Definitely, I hear these reasons all the time for having another child.

Psychologically and financially, we could only handle one. Think more about what you realistically want your life to look and feel like and what you think you can handle.

I do love the bustle of a busy family (I'm one of three) but the stress and restrictions (to your own freedom) that come with being a parent are multiplied. For example, I like travelling and being able to do that (financially, practically) with 2 children would be so difficult for us.

I have 5 so I’m coming at it from a very different angle.

My children (some of whom are now adults) fairly often talk about how fun it is to be in a big family and how they can’t imagine how quiet and boring it must be for their friends who are onlys.

It is hard when they’re little but it is so worthwhile IMO.

Not to mention the way the question was phrased in the first place: faux-naive “are there any upsides?” as if it was completely impossible for the average person to think of even one positive.

They can’t imagine how quiet and boring it must be for their friends who are onlys.

Why ARE we so defensive? Can’t imagine. 🧐

How extraordinarily patronising of them. You might want to tell your 5 children that their only child friends do not need their pity, and perhaps they should find some other things to think about?

It’s quite astonishing that you are proud to have raised children with such narrow minds.

higher quality time

This comment is ridiculously smug.

How to do you measure the standard of everyone else's quality time exactly?

I used to really be jealous of the parents of only children when I was struggling with a baby on the school run. Now my youngest is three, it's so much easier and I now thing having an only is nothing to be jealous of