Party bag gate part 2 - enter DH stage left

[JandamiHash]

Original thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5252894-child-didnt-get-a-party-bag?page=40&reply=141398805

To all the baked potato loving legends out there who followed my original thread, I couldn’t resist sharing what I think is a rather funny update.

So I’ve been away for a work conference today and didn’t check my phone til 2pm. Amanda had called me again! And messaged to say “Jandami can you call me please when you get the chance so I can find out what to ask this magician?”

I assume she means she wants to find out if I’ll pay for a party bag. So I messaged DH (who is fully invested in the drama) laughing about it. I didn’t reply to her as had to go back in the conference (and still haven’t replied only just got home).

Anyway at pick up, DH was standing in the playground waiting for DS and Amanda sidled up to him and said “Excuse me Neil? Is your wife’s phone broken?” (emphasis on the ‘is’ apparently). He just looked at her, said “No” and walked off to wait at the other side of the playground 😂 the best bit is - his name is not Neil!

I can only assume she’s either micro dosing with hallucinogenics or is genuinely mad. Nobody normal behaves this way.

PS jacket potato with pancetta, cheese, soured cream and chives tonight 🤤

just wanted to add - this whole no child should miss out is a very western thing.

I travelled to China with my school and we did a performance for a school group while there. Anyway at the end there was a small prize for each child. We got the numbers in advance so we ensured we had enough prizes and had arranged extra just in case. However they changed things about on us and we ended up having more than double the kids present than we were told. We were really stressed about it and told the hosts that we wouldn’t have enough prizes now. They weren’t bothered in the slightest. They said it doesn’t matter to Chinese children that when they come up for the prize there will only be enough for less than half of them. These were similar age 8-10 year olds.

What gets me is that Amanda threw a party herself for her DS, so she knows the importance of RSVP-ing and arranging party bags and the costs involved.

Yet she failed to RSVP, turned up anyway with a shit gift, OP ordered and paid for a separate pizza, which she then took home and demanded a party bag.

OP was absolutely correct in not taking any rubbish from her. Why should she?

Loving the Not Neil name!! His one word answer and moving away from her was class!

What gets me is she is making making all of this fuss when OP's son wasn't even invited to her son's party.

Entitlement at it's finest.

I read the other thread. Didn't know it existed until tonight! Party drama!! 🤣

This woman is unhinged... it's a flipping party bag 🤣

No, it's a flipping personalised party bag 🤣

This isn't just a party bag, it's a magic circle personalised party bag.....

Neil's my new hero!

I could only hear that in Dervla Kirwan's voice .... 😂

I can understand your frustration, OP. It is very annoying when someone doesn’t respond to an invite and then just turns up and expects you to accommodate, or responds at the last minute when numbers have already been confirmed, party bags made etc. I wouldn’t pander to the mother anymore, she sounds a little bizarre. However, I do feel that it is important when you host parties to have a few spare party bags. You will usually get one who doesn’t respond to invites and then just turns up, or uninvited siblings that turn up and then join the party bag queue. To save awkwardness it’s best just to have a few spare, although I do appreciate that your party bags were expensive and personalised! I’m just trying to consider the child of the mother too. It’s not the child’s fault that the mother didn’t respond to the invite and that his mother behaves the way she does, and it must have been hard for him if they were all discussing the contents of the party bags and he went to the party but didn’t get one. It might seem trivial but sometimes children remember things like that because of how it made them feel. It’s best to have a few spare party bags so no one is left out.

@Serene135 To save awkwardness it's important not to turn up to parties to which you weren't invited or to those to which you were and didn't RSVP.

Fixed that middle section for you.

How would it have worked in OP's case though? If I remember rightly, 6 boys didn't RSVP. Should OP really have spent £12 each on 6 more party bags just in case they happened to turn up? Ask for sibling names as well just in case?

Where does it end? and at what point do parents have to take responsibility for their child maybe feeling a bit left out? Or to parent their child and take them out of the party bag line when they know full well siblings weren't invited?

If you are in London, I’ve noticed that all food stalls (various markets, street vendors, pop up) & cafe/lunch type non-chain shops charge £9 for everything. Total price fixing.

it was £8 before Xmas, £9 now (thanks RReeves for increasing the wages & NI. I’m sure in April it will be £10. etc)

There’s no need to be rude. Is it the child’s fault that the parent behaves the way she does and that she didn’t respond to the invite. No, it’s not the child’s fault. She doesn’t sound like a pleasant parent.

@Serene135 The problem is that the party bags were personalised so it would be impractical to order extras. If OP had got something as an alternative for any random extra attendees it still would have been different

Wow he is lucky that you ordered an extra pizza. I wouldn’t have…!
So for her to ask for a named party bag is outrageous. Turning up at the party was bad enough. How is she not mortified by her own behaviour!

I cannot believe she is texting about it and speaking to your husband. Blimey you’re gonna have to avoid her in the playground now 🤣

Why does she need to speak to you about the magician!?

And don't forget nut free, gluten free, vegan, vegetarian food plus drinks, y'know just incase 😉

I bet she is expecting OP to pay for it.

@JandamiHash just want to say thank you! I had a shitty week and ran out of Netflix shows to watch - this thread saved the day. The entertainment it’s providing is priceless! I thought I’ve seen it all in my 20 years on MN but clearly not. Some of the batshit responses are truly a different universe. Maybe we have been invaded by aliens and they are walking g among us?
Please consider writing a column - after all that’s how Bridget Jones was born.

I usually have one spare bag incase I’ve counted wrong. I’ve never had anyone turn up without an RSVP that’s just plain weird. Younger kids don’t get a bag unless they’re lucky enough to get the one spare.

But if my party bags cost £12 I wouldn’t have any spares! Let alone a few

Appaarently a Cardiff restaurant created the dish especially for Ruth Jones after Gavin & Stacey aired.

There are people online who have tried to come up with a recipe. Here's one. Not sure what it would be like on a baked spud.

https://beekeeping.buzz/post/152202923705/jamdani-hash-duck-it-is-gav-cooked-in-honey

My favourite jacket potato is load's of butter grated cheese on first then cream cheese mixed with chives and smoked salmon on top.

Also, I am clearly very old and when I held children’s parties the concept of dietary requirements did not exist. Had a fair share of kids with allergies, keeping kosher etc and they always brought their own food when younger and would just eat selectively when older. Obviously, vegan wasn’t even a thing. Everyone in my times could have a plain PizzaExpress margherita and those who didn’t have dietary requirements tucked into sausage rolls. None of DC’s friends seem to be traumatised by my “non inclusive” parties.

Why on earth does this woman need you to tell her what to say to the magician? Surely she just phones up, says "you did a party for JandamiHash's boy recently with some lovely party bags. Please could you make up one more?"

Job done.

There seems to be a lot of posters saying you should have got a generic party bag for any unexpected attendees but that’s crazy. If you pay the entertainer to provide party bags then you don’t want the hassle of making a few more. Plus if it’s a generic party bag then the plastic stuff that goes into those tends to be in multipacks eg 5 football rubbers (op- I’ve got a few of those in the stationery drawer).
Nobody caters for dietary requirements unless you are told about them so why Amanda thought you’d have a vegan pizza ordered is beyond me. You did the right think adjusting the order but she was cheeky to take it without asking/being offered.
I would have sent a quick what’s app chaser to the non rsvp invitees before ordering the personalised party bags given that someone could have replied the day before and presumably that would have been too late to get a party bag made up. But I get your point about that being on her.
She is being so cheeky with the text & phone calls that I’m starting to think this is made up but if not I’m pleased she’s not a school mum near me,