Party bag gate part 2 - enter DH stage left

[JandamiHash]

Original thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5252894-child-didnt-get-a-party-bag?page=40&reply=141398805

To all the baked potato loving legends out there who followed my original thread, I couldn’t resist sharing what I think is a rather funny update.

So I’ve been away for a work conference today and didn’t check my phone til 2pm. Amanda had called me again! And messaged to say “Jandami can you call me please when you get the chance so I can find out what to ask this magician?”

I assume she means she wants to find out if I’ll pay for a party bag. So I messaged DH (who is fully invested in the drama) laughing about it. I didn’t reply to her as had to go back in the conference (and still haven’t replied only just got home).

Anyway at pick up, DH was standing in the playground waiting for DS and Amanda sidled up to him and said “Excuse me Neil? Is your wife’s phone broken?” (emphasis on the ‘is’ apparently). He just looked at her, said “No” and walked off to wait at the other side of the playground 😂 the best bit is - his name is not Neil!

I can only assume she’s either micro dosing with hallucinogenics or is genuinely mad. Nobody normal behaves this way.

PS jacket potato with pancetta, cheese, soured cream and chives tonight 🤤

Re feminism - the reason men wouldn’t discuss this is because the absolute bare minimum is expected of them, and they’re applauded if they meet the bare minimum, whereas women are chastised if they don’t plan for every eventuality and pander to every person around them. Women are expected to tolerate and accommodate arseholes all the time so yes I do think it’s being a good feminist not acquiescing to that all the time.

And I disagree that you don’t have to be mean to assert boundaries. The Amanda level piss takers are all the same. They have super high confidence and no qualms of making “cheeky asks”. And it works 90% of the time - because other people are just trying to be kind, or have an easy life, or don’t know how to handle such confident people. The Amanda’s also know how to put people on the spot - phone calls and walking up to people etc. it usually supports their piss takery. The problem is that the people they make cheeky asks of not only become hugely out of pocket or inconvenienced, their confidence and spirit is also crushed. So being forceful that you won’t take nonsense is the only way.

NOT that I’ve been mean. I’ve been more accommodating than she deserves.

And If your feminism is “be nice to all women no matter how awful they are” then I’m afraid we don’t see feminism the same way

I’m fully invested in partybaggate! Even though I have sustained a labradoodle inflicted forehead concussion this evening!

I have a mental image of her chasing NotNeil round the playground at drop off tomorrow. To the Benny Hill soundtrack.

I love you OP.

🤣🤣🤣

And any other mumsnetters at the playground thinking ooooo that's Neil and Amanda.

I’d expect it of London but this was York! I mean York is lovely but not £9 baked potato lovely

Yes I strongly suspect this

I genuinely do not understand, and never will, why it's the responsibility of unrelated mothers to make sure the world goes round for other peoples kids. No, you don't need extra personalised party bags for a child that hasn't RSVP'd. Same as you don't have to include siblings of an invited child, to an activity that involves a cost because the parent assumes it's ok to bring the tribe. You don't need to cater for a dietary requirement,ent you're not aware of, in case someone turns up you weren't expecting with that. This is all the responsibility of their own parents, shockingly their mother AND their father. I am not responsible for the well-being physically and emotionally for any other child, unless I've been given that responsibility and accepted it, or it's an emergency. 'Be kind' actually means put yourself and your own family last, because everyone else should be more important and considered. No thank you. I would never, ever be deliberately rude or exclusionary, but I also expect the same. This person has form for this behaviour, it's up to her to sort it, not OP to continually cater to it. I don't understand why we assume we should be walkovers, otherwise we are just selfish arseholes.

I like mine with four deep cuts like a diagonal cross, flesh scooped out and mashed with grated cheese, put back in the oven until it all melts together and then topped with crispy bacon pieces, spring onion and sour cream with chives.
That's not a thing I can't believe, that's numero uno choice.

Bonfire night supper, but when I've scooped out the potato I put the shell back into the oven to harden it up and then once filled it can be easily eaten in the hand!

Perhaps you could gift Amanda a loop tape of Mick Jagger singing "You Can't Always Get What You Want" . . .

She wants you to ring and order it so you have to pay for it at the same time...
Maybe invoice her for half the pizza? After all SHE wasn't on the invitation....

Oof Did your dog headbutt you?

I also love how she hasn’t nagged your husband for a resolution apart from asking if your phone is broken! This woman has more neck than a goose!

Aww hope you're OK Neverplayleapfrogwithmrpipes? X

I thought of another baked potato filling - Thai green curry! With chicken or prawns (or tofu if you are a vegan and hate yourself)

No reason for you to call her back. You’ve given her the details and cost

I love a jacket. Tuna with Mayo and salad cream and cheese. Simple. Lush !!

A curried spinach could work, a bit like saag aloo jacket spud. With a raita to replace the sour cream. I'd give that a go.

But the OP has given the mother all the information she needs to get the wee boy a party bag, exactly the same as all the other children. Isn't that being nice? If OP bought the party bag do you think James' mother would have publicly thanked her, remembered her kindness and learned that she really ought to ensure she RSVPs in the future?

It’s somewhat ironic that she’s still not letting this drop when your son wasn’t even invited to her son’s birthday party.

Of course its not the child's fault but how does that become the OP's responsibility? She accommodated him as best she could understand the circumstances.

This would be a brilliant episode of motherland!

Excuse me but you seem to forget the raw food vegas and macrobiotic's. That's very unkind of you. 😆

if the op wants to do a poster art on the meaning of feminism, I’d put it on the wall. You sound absolutely great op, excellent boundaries, great sense of humour and enormous grace in replying to a large number of very strange opinions which basically seem like people looking for a fight. (-3 is not cold? You should have paid £60 for spare personalised party bags that would probably not be used? You should be catering for every dietary requirement?? -has anyone come back on that one and said actually I do always cater for gluten free, dairy free, kosher, halal, egg allergies, no fodmaps and vegans even if nobody has told me about allergies?)
around here you rsvp for parties, if you are late doing so you apologise, and if you haven’t told anyone your dietary preferences you apologise profusely.

Shit I forgot macrobiotic and raw food people too. Umm what are macrobiotic diets? If I got told a child was on a raw food diet I’d wonder about reporting it to school for safeguarding.

Well I guess she’ll be waiting a while 🤣