Party bag gate part 2 - enter DH stage left

[JandamiHash]

Original thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5252894-child-didnt-get-a-party-bag?page=40&reply=141398805

To all the baked potato loving legends out there who followed my original thread, I couldn’t resist sharing what I think is a rather funny update.

So I’ve been away for a work conference today and didn’t check my phone til 2pm. Amanda had called me again! And messaged to say “Jandami can you call me please when you get the chance so I can find out what to ask this magician?”

I assume she means she wants to find out if I’ll pay for a party bag. So I messaged DH (who is fully invested in the drama) laughing about it. I didn’t reply to her as had to go back in the conference (and still haven’t replied only just got home).

Anyway at pick up, DH was standing in the playground waiting for DS and Amanda sidled up to him and said “Excuse me Neil? Is your wife’s phone broken?” (emphasis on the ‘is’ apparently). He just looked at her, said “No” and walked off to wait at the other side of the playground 😂 the best bit is - his name is not Neil!

I can only assume she’s either micro dosing with hallucinogenics or is genuinely mad. Nobody normal behaves this way.

PS jacket potato with pancetta, cheese, soured cream and chives tonight 🤤

Oh for goodness sake, is this the only thing she has to stress about in life? When I'm at work I can't check my phone and even at lunchtime it's so short I don't respond unless urgent. Some people have too much time on their hands and obsess about not getting replies.

Ridiculous, lol at Neil

Brilliant thread the amount of people giving you grief just shows how many crazy entitled mothers are out there you have been perfectly nice and fair x

Order a special party bag … personalised w name: “Amanda”

ooops … that magician… so funny !

Bloody hell!

Where have all these loons posters nit-picking and carping all over the place suddenly come from?

It's a life lesson learnt from Destiny's Child.

Amanda doesn’t have time on her hands. She’s far too busy hosting an excluding party, bagging a bargain in The Works, overlooking an invitation, forgetting her manners, demanding vegan food, shamelessly boxing up pizza, stamping her foot about a bespoke party bag, attempting to shame OP, trying to pin down NotNeil in the playground. She must be worn out, bless her.

BP / Life hack - microwave for 7/8 minutes, then put it in the air-fryer for 20 minutes. The results are exquisite! Much like this thread.

£12.50

I actually disagree. RSVP means to reply, please, and that means with an aye or a nay. It’s only good manners and takes a couple of minutes.
If one ignores the request to RSVP one can expect to receive no more invitations and certainly not to be expected at that particular event. To take a child to an event one hasn’t RSVPd to is setting the child up for disappointment of one kind or another. That is shit parenting.
I feel for the child.
I recall organising an event ..Santa ..and one child appeared that I was not expecting, didn’t even know existed, wasn’t part of the group, but he was so upset that Santa didn’t get him a gift, I drove to the shop to buy something that Santa had accidentally dropped from his sled and was found by a reindeer.
However, I don’t disagree with the OPs response, since she went halfway and even beyond with the pizza.

I’d have told an adult to piss off , they should have RSVPd , but letting the child stay and catering extra, is a more than adequate response, since it was not the child’s fault.

Send Amanda a text and spell out the situation REAL clear ....

..... you didn't bother to rsvp but turned up anyway. Very rude.

Because you didn't rsvp nobody knew your precious kid was vegan but we paid for pizza especially for him and then you took it home with you. Very rude.

Because you turned up unexpectedly there was no party bag - but you won't drop it. Very rude.

Next time your kid is invited somewhere - RSVP.

They're 8 year old children, I'm going to assume that despite being personalised and sounding brilliant, by the time one was organised and in James's possession every other child will have lost interest in theirs meaning he'd still be left out. It's a non event if Amanda would just let it lie.

She's a CF and if she'd posted on here from her perspective she'd get torn to shreds pretty much unanimously.

I bent down to pick up some packaging he had chewed and he ran into the room full force into my forehead! I cried like a baby! It bloody hurt. Spent all of today feeling sick as a dog. The dog is fine!

“You can't make her do the right thing or be a good person but you have the choice, for yourself, to set your own standards of behaviour“

She has literally done just that.

“Is it fair that you would have to do all this? No of course not. I can understand OP that you want to eliminate CF and pisstakers from your life, and I do agree with that, but I think in this case a kind gesture to the child is the right thing to do - and is still possible.“

JFC 😂

No, you clearly don’t agree with that.

Luckily, not only does she not have to do all that, but she’s made it very clear, repeatedly, that’s she’s not going to do all that. If Amanda doesn’t want her child to be upset then she needs to sort it out herself, it’s not OP’s problem.

I think you were absolutely right in everything you did. The mother should use her head more (and her manners). If her child is so upset up with not having a party bag the mother knows how to (buy) get him one. If she persists, tell her he got to take home a very expensive pizza ordered specially for him, and nobody else did! Or tell her you’ve got a little cheap colouring book - you could put that in a bag for him if she lines?

Gah I should have known that! I should be listening to them as Survivors

Ouch!! I’ve never been nutted by a dog but my DC used to do this all the time as toddlers and it would make me cry too (I’m an awful wuss when it comes to pain)

Hope you’re feeling better.

Whoever wrote ‘Neil the Husband’ and then commented ‘ Neil the baby’ made me LAUGH OUT LOUD. any news on the creepy school mum asking if your phone is broken? The one who doesn’t RSVP? The one who wanted the magicians number … rubbish at mumsnet threads can’t find where I need to look 😂

I just don’t get this, OP went above and beyond for a child that wasn’t expected, I’ve always done personalised party bags and not had extras

I wonder if Amanda has been to the Sistine Chapel?

Just caught up with both threads! Wow.
i have a similar CF party story. My son had a party at a pay per head place (was soft play but pay per head for food). Invited class. On friend is a child with 4 siblings, mum replied saying “can’t make it as husband away and got all the other kids at sports/swimming lessons so can’t juggle it all”. I said no worries.

I get to the party 15 mins early and she’s there already, before me and before I’ve had a chance to set up with all 5 kids !!!! I was mortified. I had to pay an extra £50
on the door for them all !!! and they sat up and the big ones swamped half the food before the little party goers had the chance. I also got rather pricey party bags, but did up some sweet cones and cheap bags for any siblings that appeared or non RSVPers. at the end they all grabbed a party bag from the staff handing them out and some actual guest ended up missing out on a proper party bag and ended up with the cheap shit ones. I was raging. And she sat on her phone away from all the other parents and ignored her huge 10 year old causing carnage in the toddler soft play. I wasn’t pleased.

Have been following and agree she was an idiot and being a dick. But it has struck me as I read - if we learned anything from Motherland it’s that Amanda was deeply troubled on a few fronts, and lived a life with very little love. And that her behaviour stemmed from that. So maybe… just deal with her kindly and firmly and go easy on the bashing?

OP this has made my week. Please can you and not-Neil continue to not people-please grabby Amanda?
I'm loving the replies to the CF here who can't understand that actions, including not replying, have consequences.

I've just speed scrolled through both threads and I'm utterly gobsmacked by Amanda's audacity!! It baffles me that grown women actually act this way.

I respect your position. I disagree with the shit parent label, though.

I had a friend, an acquaintance at the time, drove a high-end SUV, lived in a house she and husband built in an expensive area, husband ivy-league educated, pulled in 7 figures a year, ... you get the picture. Friend was gorgeous, smart, own business. Any get together, or when we met weekly for our hobby group, she was usually late. Annoying. But, figured high-end life must be busy. Also, forgetful of plans, etc. I got to know her better and learned: she suffered from significant anxiety which made it difficult for her to commit, respond and show up. Also learned her husband has bi-polar and at least one weekend a month was spent with him in hospital or calling crisis intervention. She was working to keep up appearances though and deal with spouse alone. She also suffered from chronic pain and was iver medicated which was why she was so thin, not exercise, diet, good genes.
So, my point is that you never know what's going in with someone else's house.
I think OP did the right thing when the woman showed up with her kid. I also think there's been far too much glee taken about how to "punish" the other mum. It's a scarlet letter mentality, really.
This thread reeks of mean girl behaviour to the nth degree.

I have laughed at this situation. The mother sounds very entitled. She sounds like an awful person. You and your husband Not Neil sound as though you both have a great sense of humour. It has obviously been needed in this situation. I feel sorry for her little boy. He has a dreadful mother.