Page 32 | Party bag gate part 2 - enter DH stage left

JandamiHash · 2025-01-16T17:51:17+00:00

Original thread [[https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5252894-child-didnt-get-a-party-bag?page=40&reply=141398805 https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5252894-child-didnt-get-a-party-bag?page=40&reply=141398805]] To all the baked potato loving legends out there who followed my original thread, I couldn’t resist sharing what I think is a rather funny update. So I’ve been away for a work conference today and didn’t check my phone til 2pm. Amanda had called me again! And messaged to say “Jandami can you call me please when you get the chance so I can find out what to ask this magician?” I assume she means she wants to find out if I’ll pay for a party bag. So I messaged DH (who is fully invested in the drama) laughing about it. I didn’t reply to her as had to go back in the conference (and still haven’t replied only just got home). Anyway at pick up, DH was standing in the playground waiting for DS and Amanda sidled up to him and said “Excuse me Neil? Is your wife’s phone broken?” (emphasis on the ‘is’ apparently). He just looked at her, said “No” and walked off to wait at the other side of the playground 😂 the best bit is - his name is not Neil! I can only assume she’s either micro dosing with hallucinogenics or is genuinely mad. Nobody normal behaves this way. PS jacket potato with pancetta, cheese, soured cream and chives tonight 🤤

SouthLondonMum22 · 17/01/2025 21:48

tinselstead · 17/01/2025 21:42

I agree with @Redbushteaforme . The mother has behaved dickishly but the right thing to do would be to order a bloody party bag for the poor kid so he gets one. You can't make her do the right thing or be a good person but you have the choice, for yourself, to set your own standards of behaviour. Also indirectly your DS and the other kids see that the kid who didn't get the bag, then later did get one and was happy. Is it fair that you would have to do all this? No of course not. I can understand OP that you want to eliminate CF and pisstakers from your life, and I do agree with that, but I think in this case a kind gesture to the child is the right thing to do - and is still possible. Couldn't you just order the bag, your DS gives it him, that's the end of it? Put some of your energy in gleefully mocking the admittedly dickish Amanda into something positive.

Why isn't it good enough that OP gave the mother the magicians info so she could order HER son a party bag after HER mistake?

That was kind. OP didn't have to do that.

Boooooreddddd · 17/01/2025 21:49

tinselstead · 17/01/2025 21:42

I agree with @Redbushteaforme . The mother has behaved dickishly but the right thing to do would be to order a bloody party bag for the poor kid so he gets one. You can't make her do the right thing or be a good person but you have the choice, for yourself, to set your own standards of behaviour. Also indirectly your DS and the other kids see that the kid who didn't get the bag, then later did get one and was happy. Is it fair that you would have to do all this? No of course not. I can understand OP that you want to eliminate CF and pisstakers from your life, and I do agree with that, but I think in this case a kind gesture to the child is the right thing to do - and is still possible. Couldn't you just order the bag, your DS gives it him, that's the end of it? Put some of your energy in gleefully mocking the admittedly dickish Amanda into something positive.

Disagree,it’s up to the parent that didn’t reply to sort out the fallout. Any normal child would have completely forgotten and moved on by now..it’s the parent who has made it into a drama!

Pieandchips999 · 17/01/2025 21:50

@SouthLondonMum22 kind and maybe a little crazy/ naive. I'm a bit worried what Amanda might do to the poor magician

SouthLondonMum22 · 17/01/2025 21:51

SALaw · 17/01/2025 21:31

Why did you invite her son in the first place? It wasn't an all class party, your son doesn't like him, your son didn't go to his party, you don't like either parent?

If I remember rightly, OP invited all of the boys from her son's class. I think 5-6, including James, didn't RSVP.

tinselstead · 17/01/2025 21:52

don't get me wrong, Amanda is in the wrong. I sense that her crazy behaviour stems from her thinking that somehow her DS has been wronged. I'm sure she is very annoying and hopefully OP can have no or minimal contact with her in future. My opinion is still though, that being the bigger person does not put you at a disadvantage, but the reverse - heaping coals of fire and all that.

usernother · 17/01/2025 21:53

I bet this is on the Mumsnet thread on tattler as an example of peak crazy Mumsnet.

SouthLondonMum22 · 17/01/2025 21:55

tinselstead · 17/01/2025 21:52

don't get me wrong, Amanda is in the wrong. I sense that her crazy behaviour stems from her thinking that somehow her DS has been wronged. I'm sure she is very annoying and hopefully OP can have no or minimal contact with her in future. My opinion is still though, that being the bigger person does not put you at a disadvantage, but the reverse - heaping coals of fire and all that.

Her behaviour stems from nothing but entitlement which shouldn't be enabled.

Sadly, I don't think her son will be getting many more party invites. Letting people like that mother walk all over you absolutely puts you at a disadvantage.

Squarecobra · 17/01/2025 21:57

Serene135 · 16/01/2025 21:44

I can understand your frustration, OP. It is very annoying when someone doesn’t respond to an invite and then just turns up and expects you to accommodate, or responds at the last minute when numbers have already been confirmed, party bags made etc. I wouldn’t pander to the mother anymore, she sounds a little bizarre. However, I do feel that it is important when you host parties to have a few spare party bags. You will usually get one who doesn’t respond to invites and then just turns up, or uninvited siblings that turn up and then join the party bag queue. To save awkwardness it’s best just to have a few spare, although I do appreciate that your party bags were expensive and personalised! I’m just trying to consider the child of the mother too. It’s not the child’s fault that the mother didn’t respond to the invite and that his mother behaves the way she does, and it must have been hard for him if they were all discussing the contents of the party bags and he went to the party but didn’t get one. It might seem trivial but sometimes children remember things like that because of how it made them feel. It’s best to have a few spare party bags so no one is left out.

Guess you didn’t read the first thread????

SouthLondonMum22 · 17/01/2025 22:00

usernother · 17/01/2025 21:53

I bet this is on the Mumsnet thread on tattler as an example of peak crazy Mumsnet.

You'd be correct.

TakeMeToKernow · 17/01/2025 22:02

Boursin topping reduced to 6/10. It’s all I can bloody taste. I’ll be garlicky burping all night.

spoonfulofsugar1 · 17/01/2025 22:05

CheesePlantFeet · 17/01/2025 21:47

🤣
Well I want a party bag, so does my DH, my teenage daughter, my mum and my dead great grandma. So OP, clearly it's your responsibility to get your wallet out. 🙄

Show quote history

Yes meeeee too! My children both want the party bags too.
Wont op please think of the children?!

Squarecobra · 17/01/2025 22:21

Pinkskiesfreezing · 17/01/2025 06:44

This is such a mean spirited thread. She got it wrong, we all do sometimes but OP you don’t sound very nice either TBH.

Yes she got it wrong but rather than hold her hands up to it, she’s expecting OP to sort it for her.

VexedofVirginiaWater · 17/01/2025 22:21

tinselstead · 17/01/2025 21:42

I agree with @Redbushteaforme . The mother has behaved dickishly but the right thing to do would be to order a bloody party bag for the poor kid so he gets one. You can't make her do the right thing or be a good person but you have the choice, for yourself, to set your own standards of behaviour. Also indirectly your DS and the other kids see that the kid who didn't get the bag, then later did get one and was happy. Is it fair that you would have to do all this? No of course not. I can understand OP that you want to eliminate CF and pisstakers from your life, and I do agree with that, but I think in this case a kind gesture to the child is the right thing to do - and is still possible. Couldn't you just order the bag, your DS gives it him, that's the end of it? Put some of your energy in gleefully mocking the admittedly dickish Amanda into something positive.

Oh my word no - OP might as well write Welcome across her forehead. Why can't his own mother order him a party bag - he won't care who paid for it, and she was the one originally at fault by not being polite enough to RSVP.

Tandora · 17/01/2025 22:25

How is this still going 😂

dapsnotplimsolls · 17/01/2025 22:29

Tandora · 17/01/2025 22:25

How is this still going 😂

Some people are only here for the BP tips.

Rachel1509 · 17/01/2025 22:33

At this point I don’t know if I’m here for the jacket potato suggestions, the OPs fantastic come backs or to get an update of entitled Amanda.
great thread though!

WoolySnail · 17/01/2025 22:33

TakeMeToKernow · 17/01/2025 22:02

Boursin topping reduced to 6/10. It’s all I can bloody taste. I’ll be garlicky burping all night.

It'll keep the vampires away 🧛‍♀️ 🦇 🧛‍♂️ 🤣

CheesePlantFeet · 17/01/2025 22:35

Has anyone suggested texting Amanda back with an RSVP to an imagined party for her birthday next week?

"Hi Amanda. Oops I missed your call, but thanks so much for the inviting Neil and I to your party next weekend. Please don't forget that we only eat wagyu steak. So excited to see everyone, thanks for organising!"

caulicheeser · 17/01/2025 22:35

Amanda the Demander should come to the attention of the best gossiper in the playground.

Original poster

JandamiHash · 17/01/2025 22:37

tinselstead · 17/01/2025 21:42

I agree with @Redbushteaforme . The mother has behaved dickishly but the right thing to do would be to order a bloody party bag for the poor kid so he gets one. You can't make her do the right thing or be a good person but you have the choice, for yourself, to set your own standards of behaviour. Also indirectly your DS and the other kids see that the kid who didn't get the bag, then later did get one and was happy. Is it fair that you would have to do all this? No of course not. I can understand OP that you want to eliminate CF and pisstakers from your life, and I do agree with that, but I think in this case a kind gesture to the child is the right thing to do - and is still possible. Couldn't you just order the bag, your DS gives it him, that's the end of it? Put some of your energy in gleefully mocking the admittedly dickish Amanda into something positive.

but the right thing to do would be to order a bloody party bag for the poor kid so he gets one

Indeed, so it’s a shame his mother didn’t do it immediately, despite the fact there was nothing stopping het

OP posts:

Original poster

JandamiHash · 17/01/2025 22:38

tinselstead · 17/01/2025 21:42

I agree with @Redbushteaforme . The mother has behaved dickishly but the right thing to do would be to order a bloody party bag for the poor kid so he gets one. You can't make her do the right thing or be a good person but you have the choice, for yourself, to set your own standards of behaviour. Also indirectly your DS and the other kids see that the kid who didn't get the bag, then later did get one and was happy. Is it fair that you would have to do all this? No of course not. I can understand OP that you want to eliminate CF and pisstakers from your life, and I do agree with that, but I think in this case a kind gesture to the child is the right thing to do - and is still possible. Couldn't you just order the bag, your DS gives it him, that's the end of it? Put some of your energy in gleefully mocking the admittedly dickish Amanda into something positive.

Posted too soon!

You can't make her do the right thing or be a good person but you have the choice, for yourself, to set your own standards of behaviour.

Im afraid my standards are not “Do for children what their parents should be doing for them at their own expense”. Do you do that with random kids?

And no I won’t be buying James a bag.

OP posts:

caulicheeser · 17/01/2025 22:39

What’s stopping her is money. She spends £2 and expects £22. She expects you to kowtow to her “superiority”.

Original poster

JandamiHash · 17/01/2025 22:39

SALaw · 17/01/2025 21:31

Why did you invite her son in the first place? It wasn't an all class party, your son doesn't like him, your son didn't go to his party, you don't like either parent?

He was on his list. There’s 9 boys out of 28 in the class and he wanted them all there to have as many boys as possible.

im not one to do something like micro manage my 8yo’s guest list.

OP posts:

Original poster

JandamiHash · 17/01/2025 22:40

Pieandchips999 · 17/01/2025 21:44

Having followed both of your threads with amusement I think the only options remaining are a) say oh did I not reply silly me I thought I had must have forgotten. Anyway hope you've sorted something out (b) tell her you have been put into penuary by the cost of jacket potatoes and are too distressed to talk about it. I feel rather sad for her son who probably doesn't have friends because of his mother's behaviour rather than a lack of magic trick sets. Also I'm vegan. I would not assume there would be vegan food at a party I didn't bother replying to say I was attending. I'd be very grateful to get my order delivered with the others and pay for it. Spare party bags are one thing if it's some random bits and quite another if it's an item made to order

tell her you have been put into penuary by the cost of jacket potatoes and are too distressed to talk about it.

😂😂😂

OP posts:

Original poster

JandamiHash · 17/01/2025 22:40

CheesePlantFeet · 17/01/2025 21:47

🤣
Well I want a party bag, so does my DH, my teenage daughter, my mum and my dead great grandma. So OP, clearly it's your responsibility to get your wallet out. 🙄

Show quote history

I shall hop to it!

OP posts: