Party bag gate part 2 - enter DH stage left

[JandamiHash]

Original thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5252894-child-didnt-get-a-party-bag?page=40&reply=141398805

To all the baked potato loving legends out there who followed my original thread, I couldn’t resist sharing what I think is a rather funny update.

So I’ve been away for a work conference today and didn’t check my phone til 2pm. Amanda had called me again! And messaged to say “Jandami can you call me please when you get the chance so I can find out what to ask this magician?”

I assume she means she wants to find out if I’ll pay for a party bag. So I messaged DH (who is fully invested in the drama) laughing about it. I didn’t reply to her as had to go back in the conference (and still haven’t replied only just got home).

Anyway at pick up, DH was standing in the playground waiting for DS and Amanda sidled up to him and said “Excuse me Neil? Is your wife’s phone broken?” (emphasis on the ‘is’ apparently). He just looked at her, said “No” and walked off to wait at the other side of the playground 😂 the best bit is - his name is not Neil!

I can only assume she’s either micro dosing with hallucinogenics or is genuinely mad. Nobody normal behaves this way.

PS jacket potato with pancetta, cheese, soured cream and chives tonight 🤤

"please explain to your son that failing to RSVP often results in being excluded from events. If you don't let someone know you're coming, you won't get."

I've had people we've invited instead. He was lucky you let him in at all!

Exactly and Amanda wanted it to be the OPs fault. She didn’t want to remedy it herself because then she’s admitting that it’s her own fault her child is upset. She is determined that the entire saga is the OPs fault for not having extra bags as a backup. Though I bet if she did James would still be upset to not have a personalised bag like the other kids.

she wants the OP to accept blame so that it validates her and eases her own conscience.

I think OP was kind. Even though she wasn't expecting him to attend, she allowed James to attend the party but told his mum that as she hadn't accepted the invitation, unfortunately there wasn't a party bag for him. She also ordered a vegan pizza just for him.

I'm also assuming that the other children didn't get a Dominos pizza each, so James actually did better than the other children as he didn't need to share his pizza. His mum took advantage of that and took the leftovers home without asking if it was OK.

As she only spent £2 on OP's son's present, a lot less than the price of a vegan pizza from Dominos, James's mum's wasn't out of pocket in any way, so I'm unsure why it would still be OP's responsibility to order and pay for a personalised party bag for James and not doing so has been deemed 'unkind' by some posters.

Even from thread one the aspect of calling this mum Amanda and continuously hooting about her ‘antics’ doesn’t show you in the best light op- nor all the other ‘hooters’

Jesus, has Amanda got her crew over here to troll the OP? If not it must be amazing to live in your shining palaces of preformative motherly perfection.

I have to say that I have never assembled a spare party bag. Why on earth would you expect the shitty behaviour of randomers gate crashing a party? If a gate crasher arrived, there's no way in hell I'd order them a pizza. I'd possibly shove a loaf of bread and the pot of jam in their mother's direction and tell them to go wild.

Edited to add, that I was so cross about Amanda (and her minions?) that I've just ranted to DH about this thread. He's not called Neil either. He's halfway serious about creating a mumsnet account to rant about the need to buy vegan, gf, halal, nut, shellfish and ginneapig free pizzas and 62 spare party bags for an eight year olds birthday party with a confirmed guestlist.

#partybaggate……..I want to know what “the magician” really does, and who he is. Who’s got an eye on
the Obshchak this evening…..?

This is a great suggestion! If she does approach me in person I’ll say this.

What's wrong with calling her Amanda? It's just like OP's using the names Mary, Bob, Jane etc.

JFC I’m so sorry some people are so awful. But thank you for your lovely post. I did eye roll at someone’s interpretation of suffering!

I can't usually stand posts that just write 'this!!' underneath.... But I'm gonna break my own rules...

This. This. And this. Why the feck are we made to feel like were inhumane just because we refuse to plug the gaps in someone else's shit parenting!!!

BTW to answer i think @Lavenderfarmcottage yes im a little intimidated my Amanda (and indeed most confident brass neckers) but i have honed the art of having a word with myself so i don’t let it faze me much. but DH was always gonna do the school run as on Thursday I had a conference and was getting a v early train and today I was having a day off so wanted a lay in. I’ll be there on Monday!

Pardon?!

She was.

Going above and beyond that? Fuck no.

yes im a little intimidated my Amanda (and indeed most confident brass neckers)

That’s how Amanda got James into the party despite the lack of RSVP and pressed for a vegan pizza which she then took home. CFs like her rely on your politeness and desire to avoid discomfort.
On Monday make sure you’re busy chatting and laughing with another parent.

SouthLondonMum22

op calls her Amanda after Amanda from motherland

So? OP needed a name and picked one.

hello fellow Yorkie here I am now pondering which magician it was as there are a couple of fabulous ones in York that get booked up very quickly.

I hope your son had a great party and enjoyed all the memories to help balance out some of difficult things with his health

Jamdani Hash (m and n other way round.
Mint and Mustard restaurant in Cardiff started doing it after Ruth Jones praised their restaurant. DD has had it, she really enjoyed it!

Anyway, fuck Amanda, we’re behind you all the way, love a woman who takes nobody’s shit.

Why did you invite her son in the first place? It wasn't an all class party, your son doesn't like him, your son didn't go to his party, you don't like either parent?

Have really enjoyed the entertainment and @JandamiHash you really have done a marvellous job at highlighting how
A Bloody Rude not to reply to party invites
B The consequences on the child who has no control over parents poor manners
C The parents on this thread who are probably guilty of the poor manners and entitlement that they have!
Enjoy your weekend.

I agree with @Redbushteaforme . The mother has behaved dickishly but the right thing to do would be to order a bloody party bag for the poor kid so he gets one. You can't make her do the right thing or be a good person but you have the choice, for yourself, to set your own standards of behaviour. Also indirectly your DS and the other kids see that the kid who didn't get the bag, then later did get one and was happy. Is it fair that you would have to do all this? No of course not. I can understand OP that you want to eliminate CF and pisstakers from your life, and I do agree with that, but I think in this case a kind gesture to the child is the right thing to do - and is still possible. Couldn't you just order the bag, your DS gives it him, that's the end of it? Put some of your energy in gleefully mocking the admittedly dickish Amanda into something positive.

This. There are some absolutely barking mad posts on this thread.

Having followed both of your threads with amusement I think the only options remaining are a) say oh did I not reply silly me I thought I had must have forgotten. Anyway hope you've sorted something out (b) tell her you have been put into penuary by the cost of jacket potatoes and are too distressed to talk about it. I feel rather sad for her son who probably doesn't have friends because of his mother's behaviour rather than a lack of magic trick sets. Also I'm vegan. I would not assume there would be vegan food at a party I didn't bother replying to say I was attending. I'd be very grateful to get my order delivered with the others and pay for it. Spare party bags are one thing if it's some random bits and quite another if it's an item made to order

🤣
Well I want a party bag, so does my DH, my teenage daughter, my mum and my dead great grandma. So OP, clearly it's your responsibility to get your wallet out. 🙄

If you had read the original post in the other thread, OP told Amanda and James that as they hadn’t RSVPd there wouldn’t be a party bag as they were personalised. So my question to you would be why should anyone provide an alternative bag when they were told before walking through the door that there wasn’t a bag for him?