Party bag gate part 2 - enter DH stage left

[JandamiHash]

Original thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5252894-child-didnt-get-a-party-bag?page=40&reply=141398805

To all the baked potato loving legends out there who followed my original thread, I couldn’t resist sharing what I think is a rather funny update.

So I’ve been away for a work conference today and didn’t check my phone til 2pm. Amanda had called me again! And messaged to say “Jandami can you call me please when you get the chance so I can find out what to ask this magician?”

I assume she means she wants to find out if I’ll pay for a party bag. So I messaged DH (who is fully invested in the drama) laughing about it. I didn’t reply to her as had to go back in the conference (and still haven’t replied only just got home).

Anyway at pick up, DH was standing in the playground waiting for DS and Amanda sidled up to him and said “Excuse me Neil? Is your wife’s phone broken?” (emphasis on the ‘is’ apparently). He just looked at her, said “No” and walked off to wait at the other side of the playground 😂 the best bit is - his name is not Neil!

I can only assume she’s either micro dosing with hallucinogenics or is genuinely mad. Nobody normal behaves this way.

PS jacket potato with pancetta, cheese, soured cream and chives tonight 🤤

@ifIwerenotanandroid I haven't had cheese with marmite for years. Now I need it.

OP - you are a legend. More people should behave like you, and call the CFs out.

Or philadelphia? With Marmite it can be a real delicacy.

What are the top 5 jacket potato fillings? I’m trying to institute them as a weeknight meal for my picky children. Go-to is cheese, bacon, sour cream and chives. I also like a tuna/mayo/celery mix, reminds me of cheap work lunches as a 20 something in London in days of yore (mid 2000s). Does anyone do them in the air fryer?

OP you are my hero! Totally not being unreasonable!

Cook jacket potato. Scoop out potato, mix potato,marmite and cheese in bowl. Put mix back into skins and grill/airfry until bubbling! Lovely 👍😊

Quandary: do I go to the kitchen & start dinner, or do I follow the aroma to @Notoverthehillat60 's & press my face against the window until she lets me in & feeds me?

Thanks for the update OP. This woman is seriously crazy, but at least she’s giving us all laughs!!! Keep the updates coming 🤣

It's your money your business. But for the sake of argument... you invite 15 children to the party. 10 RSVP. The bags are personalized. Of the 5 that didn't RSVP 1 is gf, 1 vegan and 3 raw vegan. Now remember they didn't RSVP. Are you saying you'd still cater to the diapers requirements and pay 12 for a personalized bag for the 5 that never RSVP'd? Knowing that the food will be wasted just on the off chance they show up?

@JandamiHash You don’t appear as authoritative as perhaps you’d like people to believe. If you were genuinely unintimidated by this other person ‘Amanda’, you would have had no qualms taking her phone call(s) and making it clear how you felt/and still feel about the situation. You’ve spent two full days or more doing it anonymously with strangers on MN. You didn’t need to be rude to her, just assertive and self-assured. That would have ended the matter. I would imagine that Amanda is likely affronted right now by what she may consider to be your cowardice. Rightly or wrongly she doesn’t seem to hesitate in making her feelings known.

Why did OP need to take her phone call? She gave Amanda the contact details for the magician and didn't need any other information from OP. I especially wouldn't be answering her phone call after she went up to OP's husband and practically demanded that OP answer her phone. Again, it's just giving her what she wants.

OP is doing well. She's keeping calm and giving proper consideration to any reply she makes. She had been polite throughout unlike Amanda. This is essential for maintaining the moral highground which will bring joy to the OP. Nothing better than winding someone up while maintaining the moral highground, IMHO.

I’ve obviously come up against CF’s in my time but until I joined Mumsnet I wasn’t aware of the term or that it is inherently a character trait. Now I’m endlessly fascinated by the manifestation and motivation of CF’s and most particularly how aware they are that they are one!

I feel like this thread could be a dissertation all by itself, OP and Amanda and all variety of opinions in between. Seriously fascinating.

FWIW. @JandamiHash I think you are completely correct and Amanda is bats. Entitled is a word that is very overused, appropriate in this case with a dose of manipulation thrown in too. Good for you for hopefully penetrating her Shield of Narcissism. Wonder if it worked!

You’re more than welcome to come have marmite potatoes with me. I’ll cook extra for all! 😊

Exactly.

Why even bother to ask for RSVPs?

Just say "Jack is invited to Josh's party - it starts at 2" and sit there like a numpty with stacks of party bags and food in case you are lucky enough that people will turn up!

Surely he could have pulled something out of the hat?

It changed dietary to diapers for some reason. 😆

Dh and I have been reading this thread and you are an absolute legend OP. And your DP is not a knuckle dragging whatsit ( not that you needed telling) I wish I had your balls, I really do. I just stare at people with the buffering symbol hovering over my head as I discard the replies with a swear word in it. 😂 I am not diplomatic at all. And apparently a bad parent according to a contingent of mumsnet

"I'm sorry you didn't get a party bag, but you did get your very own pizza to take home" 🤣🤣🤣🤣

This is brilliant. OP, please do this...

I hate to sound like an old lady, but back in my youth, if you didn't RSVP, then you didn't show up. It's incredibly rude. I cannot even imagine having the bad manners to show up when you haven't responded, but then insist that the busy host cater to your unexpected child. And then the cheek to follow up days after?

I totally get it - Amanda hasn't got what she wanted via text, and in her heart must know how effing stupid it would look laid out in writing - so she's trying the classic Bully's tactic of getting OP alone, with no witnesses, so she can try to browbeat her, and if that doesn't work, to twist what OP says so that she looks like the victim...

I hope OPs firm stance will go some way towards teaching Amanda not to use her kid as a human shield for her CFness.

The child was meant to be there. He had been invited. It wasn't his fault that his mother didn't RSVP

Failure to RSVP is the same as turning down the invitation in my book. That's pesky manners for you!

Why ask me about a hypothetical situation when I have already told you what I would do in the situation recounted by OP? We all do things differently.

He wasn't meant to be there because his mother didn't RSVP. That's how it works.