Party bag gate part 2 - enter DH stage left

[JandamiHash]

Original thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5252894-child-didnt-get-a-party-bag?page=40&reply=141398805

To all the baked potato loving legends out there who followed my original thread, I couldn’t resist sharing what I think is a rather funny update.

So I’ve been away for a work conference today and didn’t check my phone til 2pm. Amanda had called me again! And messaged to say “Jandami can you call me please when you get the chance so I can find out what to ask this magician?”

I assume she means she wants to find out if I’ll pay for a party bag. So I messaged DH (who is fully invested in the drama) laughing about it. I didn’t reply to her as had to go back in the conference (and still haven’t replied only just got home).

Anyway at pick up, DH was standing in the playground waiting for DS and Amanda sidled up to him and said “Excuse me Neil? Is your wife’s phone broken?” (emphasis on the ‘is’ apparently). He just looked at her, said “No” and walked off to wait at the other side of the playground 😂 the best bit is - his name is not Neil!

I can only assume she’s either micro dosing with hallucinogenics or is genuinely mad. Nobody normal behaves this way.

PS jacket potato with pancetta, cheese, soured cream and chives tonight 🤤

BTW no more news to report. DH didn’t see her at pick up and I’ve heard nothing else.

Good. Hopefully she'll just drop it now.

For those that missed this post, especially those that are still harping on that OP should have bought 'the poor child' a £12 party bag because it wasn't his fault, it also wasn't the OP's fault or her problem to solve.

She was clear with the mum who couldn't be arsed to RSVP and just rocked up unexpectedly that there would be no party bag, but he was still welcome.

She was clear with the mum who had probably been waiting to see if a 'better offer' appeared for that day, and then rocked up when it didn't.

She was clear with the mum who spent all of £2 on a colouring book (when money is not an issue in their home).

She was clear with the mum who demanded a special pizza be ordered for her child, who wasn't expected, and who then proceeded to eat the special pizza herself and take the leftovers home for herself.

Not. The. OP's. Problem. To. Sort.

Ye gods is right. This endless battering of women with BE KIND at all costs. Be fucking kind to thw cheeky fuckers, be fucking kind and spend your money on random kids who weren't meant to be there, be fucking kind all the fucking time, out yourself last, have no boundaries, just BE KIND.

Please, kindly fuck off with be kind. We're done being kind. We're fine with not being kind anymore. You carry on, if you like. Lie down and stamp kind doormat on your forehead.

don’t let this spoil your night OP

This! The CF enablers on this thread are ridiculous. Those saying Amanda should have been pandered to because, 'think of the child,' are simply giving her the green light to harass parents hosting the next party she does the same thing with. The next parent might not be as strong as OP and feel intimidated/forced to purchase something they can't afford/don't want to do. It is a shame for her son, but it was a party bag, not a trip to Legoland. He'll survive and learn you don't always get what you want (through no fault of your own).

Or perhaps they had neglectful parents who never RSVP'd for friends' birthday parties on their behalf when they were children, and the resulting lack of party bags has scarred them and driven them to a life of crime?! 😀

Ooof. Harsh…..

I think I would block her at this point.

@JandamiHash
Thoroughly enjoyable thread & loving the jacket potato suggestions (poached egg & streaky bacon).

I second the 'don't be a walkover' campaign. I have a friend who once overstepped and I surprised myself by refusing her request to move in with us for'a few weeks' whilst she had some refurbishment work done. I told her I loved our friendship too much to risk it with such an arrangement (not to mention my marriage!). She was upset but got over it & the refurbishment went on for over 6 months 😱

I have just started watching Mindfulness Murder & one line stood out ...
"Just because someone asks you to do something doesn't mean you have to do it ".

OP, I think you (and DHs) responses have been bang on! I have frequently told my kids that I think the world of them but in the grand scheme of things they aren’t that important to anyone else and that they are best to understand that early on.

This woman is an absolute CF of the highest order and I can’t believe she had the brass neck to turn up having not RSVPd. To then carry on with dietary requirements and party bag requests is utterly ridiculous. The people who surround her must enable this inconsiderate, entitled behaviour to the nth degree but none of that is your problem.

We once had a party for one of our’s at a bowling alley. A woman turned up
with her invited child and 2 siblings and asked if ‘Johnny and janie could join in’ I said I’d booked 2 lanes to accommodate the 11 invitees and my birthday kid so sorry no space. She said surely the others wouldn’t mind sharing a go and I said she was free to book a lane for them but unsurprisingly she didn’t.. She then asked if they could ‘nab a few chips’ and I said ‘no, the children ordered their food in advance and there wasn’t enough to share but she was free to order some from the bar. The bloody woman still didn’t get the hint and Johnny was sent to ask for a party bag and I said they’d all gone. He cried and his Mum still asked if I had a spare and I had to explain that no, I had done 11 bags for the 11 invited children. She made a big show of ignoring me for the next 5 years. And I was not f*ing bothered.

Some people are just rude.

Spongers hate it when they get found out.

Love this thread and your updates @JandamiHash

I had a similar experience with an annoying mother at my 6 y.o’s party last year (to be fair her sins were far less egregious than Amanda’s) and posted here to a mix of hilarity and admonitions to Be Kind. No I won’t 😂

I’m in NZ and basic dominos here is $5!! I think it’s disgusting too but my kids love it

I must admit I kind of admire the Amanda’s of this world for their sheer chutzpah. I would probably eat something I was allergic to rather than put someone out with specialist dietary requirements 😂

OP. You went out of your way to buy 'appropriate' pizza for somebody who wasn't coming.

The 'concerned mother' was literally negligent not RSVPing but blaming you for him being unhappy.

Entitled cow.

Ignore anybody on MN who says you should be more 'sensitive' to her mistakes.

Fiver says little Manus/James has forgotten all about the party bag by now

Couldn't she just have ordered him a magic
Kit off Amazons?

I think if my child was vegan at such a young age I wouldn't make an issue of the food as well particularly making the host buy another pizza. It's probably not the child's own decision to be vegan but a parental one. (Unless it's for actual health reasons of course). Everyone has to eat food they hate sometimes just to be polite. I've seen vegetarians eat meat served by a scatty elderly hostess and everyone else was hugely impressed by their kindness and manners in not making a fuss. I know that's not the rule these days though.

The person who made an issue of the veganism was the AmandaMother, by not RSVPing, and thus not providing info on dietary requirements, and then barrelling up and expecting her niche tastes to be catered for and then having the brass neck to take the food home. More front than Blackpool

I'm RSVPing right now, just to be on the safe side. I'll be there! Doesn't matter where or when, just have the party bag ready. And an extra one for DH. And one for the cat. Thank you!

Hope you're serving jacket potatoes at the wedding breakfast.

But the bags were ordered in advance by the OP and made by the magician.
She ordered a bag for all the kids whose parents had responded to the invitation.
How was she to know whether James was coming?
Should she have ordered twice the number of bags in case attendees brought a sibling along? Three times the number in case some of them rocked up with their entire families in tow? How many extra bags should she have ordered "just in case"?

And she provided a vegan pizza which she ordered as soon as James arrived on her doorstep and she was informed vegetarian was no longer an option for him. The leftover portion of the pizza was purloined by the CF at the end of the party.
Should she have dashed off to the nearest shop to buy some tat for James?

The OP can choose to do whatever she wants to do with the glorious comedy material that she's been given as thanks for extending an invitation to James. It seems to me that she is a woman who is not in the habit of dancing to anyone else's tune.

@JandamiHash I’ve just come across this thread and had a very entertaining half hour reading through the original thread. Mostly just your updates as some of the absolute craziness posted by others was winding me up.

i agree with every single thing you’ve said about CF Amanda and loving the love of G&S and Motherland.. I’m secretly hoping you live in Berkshire and we can be friends! Oh, except for the baked potatoes, I’m not a fan sadly…

I don’t care what lesson, be in it resilience or anything else, Amanda and her kid do or don’t take from this.

It is simply not OP’s problem.

I’m personally a fan of directness over passive aggression, online or off 🤷🏻‍♀️

@Soitwillbefine She made a big show of ignoring me for the next 5 years.

Win-win, then. Congratulations on standing firm.

Has anyone suggested Marmite on a jacket potato yet? With enough butter to bring on a heart attack.

Ooooh! Trying to taste it in my mind & can't decide. Needs cheese, I think.