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AIBU?

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Original poster

Party bag gate part 2 - enter DH stage left

1000 replies

JandamiHash · 16/01/2025 17:51

Original thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5252894-child-didnt-get-a-party-bag?page=40&reply=141398805

To all the baked potato loving legends out there who followed my original thread, I couldn’t resist sharing what I think is a rather funny update.

So I’ve been away for a work conference today and didn’t check my phone til 2pm. Amanda had called me again! And messaged to say “Jandami can you call me please when you get the chance so I can find out what to ask this magician?”

I assume she means she wants to find out if I’ll pay for a party bag. So I messaged DH (who is fully invested in the drama) laughing about it. I didn’t reply to her as had to go back in the conference (and still haven’t replied only just got home).

Anyway at pick up, DH was standing in the playground waiting for DS and Amanda sidled up to him and said “Excuse me Neil? Is your wife’s phone broken?” (emphasis on the ‘is’ apparently). He just looked at her, said “No” and walked off to wait at the other side of the playground 😂 the best bit is - his name is not Neil!

I can only assume she’s either micro dosing with hallucinogenics or is genuinely mad. Nobody normal behaves this way.

PS jacket potato with pancetta, cheese, soured cream and chives tonight 🤤

Page 40 | Child didn’t get a party bag | Mumsnet

Hosted my son’s 8th birthday on Sunday. I sent out invitations in December and made it clear when people had to get back to me (7th Jan). We hired a m...

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5252894-child-didnt-get-a-party-bag?page=40&reply=141398805

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
SouthLondonMum22 · 17/01/2025 16:50

Rosesgrowonyou · 17/01/2025 16:47

There's disagreeing and there's being told if you have a different take to 'scroll on by' or that you must be like the fictional Amanda.

I fully expect this post to be deleted after it's reported.

Show quote history

I've seen it suggested to those complaining that a part 2 exists at all that they don't have to read it which is fair enough.

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 17/01/2025 16:51

LawrenceSMarlowforPresident · 17/01/2025 16:29

You're allowed to post whatever you want. And others are allowed to disagree with you. HTH.

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Absolutely agree with you.

The ones disagreeing with the op are being quite insulting about it. Are they jumping on the op then?

is everyone jumping on everyone else? Thats quite the orgy.

Or is it that people are expressing different views and those views are being agreed with and disagreed with.

It tickles me when people give an opinion and believe they should be exempted from replies disagreeing with them. Even more so when their own reply is itself disagreeing with a post. I can disagree with you but you can't disagree with me. 🤣

pictoosh · 17/01/2025 16:51

"Mumsnet at its finest! Entertaining and depressing at the same time."

Agreed.

SouthLondonMum22 · 17/01/2025 16:52

Redbushteaforme · 17/01/2025 16:47

Yes, and be accused of being mysogynist, anti-feminist, patriarchy-enabling, a doormat, batshit crazy, having no backbone, being a bully and a wet wipe to boot!

Mumsnet at its finest! Entertaining and depressing at the same time.

Show quote history

and OP has had similar comments to her too. She's bitchy, a bully, mean etc

What's the difference?

Banrockmystation · 17/01/2025 16:53

Right let’s be honest, if you had genuinely just forgotten to reply and you were a normal person you

  1. would msg in advance even as you were leaving for a heads up.
  2. you would be very apologetic about your rudeness and beg forgiveness of party host.
  3. ask to take pizza home and offer to pay the cost of the pizza that you take.
  4. Never in a million years msg about a missing party bag! Just explain to your kid that you dropped the ball so suck it up.

the op has done everything right and actually the people on these threads that love to argue anything different are just the fact that they love an argument and to wind people up.
i often wonder if mumsnet employs people themselves to be deliberately argumentative to boost threads as some of the opinions are bonkers!

Spirallingdownwards · 17/01/2025 16:53

@JandamiHash

Just caught up on both threads - don't know how I missed the first!

I applaud you!

From another mum who did the exact number if party bags for those who would be attending, who did not accept uninvited siblings and would cater for those expected.

Carriemac · 17/01/2025 16:54

jacks11 · 17/01/2025 16:37

Has the world gone mad? In what world is the OP wrong? She has not been unkind to a child at all. Why on earth must children live in a world where they cannot be disappointed or experience some mild upset on occasion? It’s not ideal, but children will be fine if helped by sensible adults around them. That does not mean OP has to bend over backwards to be “kind”- all it needs is a simple explanation to the child as to what has happened and mum apologising. Instead we are running round causing stress and irritation to other people just to avoid a child being briefly upset. Mum is the only one being “unkind” to anyone- in this case to OP and her own child.

OP sent invites, arranged food for those who RSVP’d and also paid for personalised party bags for those children. Quite understandably, she paid for party bags for the children she was expecting. Given they were personalised and a bit more expensive, I think it even more unreasonable to expect her to order spare ones. If a parent brings an “extra child”- either because they forgot to RSVP or a sibling they have decided to bring along without checking if it is ok, I have thought it rather rude of them to do so but unless it is not possible (max no of children in venue or an activity that requires pre-booking, for example), I would allow them to join in. However, if there is no party bag then that’s hard luck and for the parent to manage any upset caused.

I refuse to cater to this nonsense of excusing/allowing poor adult behaviour because of it not being the child’s fault- especially when the “impact” on the child really is minor and does not cause long lasting harm (and yes, missing out on a party bag is disappointing, it should not be serious/significant/traumatising for a child). So while it isn’t the child’s fault, it’s not my fault that their parent is either disorganised or feels entitled to bring an uninvited child I am not expecting. It’s also not my issue to sort out. Maybe if this sort of behaviour just wasn’t accommodated, rather than pandered to for fear of “not being nice”, such parents would think twice about what they do? Either way, even if the child is a bit upset, they can usually be helped to get over any disappointment if there parent acts sensibly in response.

OP was kind enough to allow the child to join in, made mum aware there was no party bag, and once she was aware of the child’s dietary requirements she organised a vegan pizza for the child. What part of that is “unkind”? She supplied the name of the magician if the mum wanted to pay for a party bag. Amanda should have graciously accepted the error was hers, that OP had done her best to accommodate her son, despite her mistake, and dealt with her son’s disappointment sensibly by explaining why it happened. The vast majority of children would have been disappointed but distractable/consolable and moved on quite quickly. If they can’t, unless there is some ND which can lead to concrete thinking, then that is because the parent has either wound them up about it or they have no instilled any sense reality or resilience in their child.

Exactly

CautiousLurker01 · 17/01/2025 17:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

LawrenceSMarlowforPresident · 17/01/2025 17:13

Rosesgrowonyou · 17/01/2025 16:32

Your reply is exactly what I mean.

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That's hilarious and makes no sense whatsoever.

VodkaCola · 17/01/2025 17:13

Scandi Mandi is worse than Amanda!

MaryWhitehouseExperienced · 17/01/2025 17:17

SouthLondonMum22 · 17/01/2025 16:35

But pp is correct. Do you expect people not to disagree with you?

Show quote history

I disagree with you - and the OP. I'm not at all interested in Amanda, but I would have bought a party bag for the child. I think that the adults in this sorry saga have behaved worse than the kids. For some of us none of this has seemed funny at all, just mean minded. Op is essentially a generous soul who has been encouraged to stoop lower than Amanda for the gratification of people who love creating MN drama.

Cellplusmug · 17/01/2025 17:18

I once took my daughter to a laser quest party. One child was over an hour late. The party mum made everyone wait for her. It was so boring and the kids missed out on a game. The late child and parent didn’t care and everyone missed out because of them. It was infuriating !

Hipalong · 17/01/2025 17:19

MaryWhitehouseExperienced · 17/01/2025 17:17

I disagree with you - and the OP. I'm not at all interested in Amanda, but I would have bought a party bag for the child. I think that the adults in this sorry saga have behaved worse than the kids. For some of us none of this has seemed funny at all, just mean minded. Op is essentially a generous soul who has been encouraged to stoop lower than Amanda for the gratification of people who love creating MN drama.

Show quote history

You would have bought a personalised party bag for a child you didn't know was coming?

Nah. You wouldn't

Beeloux · 17/01/2025 17:22

Edited as posted on wrong thread 😅

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 17/01/2025 17:24

Beeloux · 17/01/2025 17:22

Edited as posted on wrong thread 😅

Edited

I thought I'd missed a hell of an update there 🤣

Cherrysoup · 17/01/2025 17:26

Given how much extra the pizza cost-and the mum and child had the lot-I’d double tell her to fuck off with her demands for a party bag! Can’t believe she’s still going on about it! Clearly zero self awareness!

Redbushteaforme · 17/01/2025 17:34

Hipalong · 17/01/2025 17:19

You would have bought a personalised party bag for a child you didn't know was coming?

Nah. You wouldn't

Show quote history

I've personally not said that OP should have bought extra £12 bags in advance 'just in case'. What I've said is that, in this situation, I personally would have paid for an extra bag AFTERWARDS as a kind gesture to a wee boy who I had invited to the party and who was in no way to blame for his mother not RSVPing or for her subsequent actions.

Apparently, however, not doing this will teach his mother a life lesson and force the wee boy, who is a wet-wipe, to develop resilience (not to mention attracting admiring posts from the mean girls on MN who appear to revel in passive aggression online though hopefully not so much IRL).

Ye gods.

SouthLondonMum22 · 17/01/2025 17:36

MaryWhitehouseExperienced · 17/01/2025 17:17

I disagree with you - and the OP. I'm not at all interested in Amanda, but I would have bought a party bag for the child. I think that the adults in this sorry saga have behaved worse than the kids. For some of us none of this has seemed funny at all, just mean minded. Op is essentially a generous soul who has been encouraged to stoop lower than Amanda for the gratification of people who love creating MN drama.

Show quote history

I do think OP was kind. She ordered and paid for vegan pizza and she gave Amanda the magicians contact details so she could order her son the party bag.

I don't think OP was mean at all but then I wouldn't have passed on the magicians contact details due to her fussing and entitlement and I would've made sure Amanda paid for the vegan pizza too.

NiftyKoala · 17/01/2025 17:40

LawrenceSMarlowforPresident · 17/01/2025 14:51

Some of the recent posts are utterly ridiculous (though quite entertaining). I can’t decide whether some people are a) amusing themselves by inventing the most absurd interpretations of the OP’s (perfectly reasonable) actions and outlandish suggestions for what she should have done or b) truly clueless about social interactions. 😀

I would love to see the posters who think OP is so mean from now on buy special food for people who dont rsvp and personalized gift bags.

SouthLondonMum22 · 17/01/2025 17:41

Redbushteaforme · 17/01/2025 17:34

I've personally not said that OP should have bought extra £12 bags in advance 'just in case'. What I've said is that, in this situation, I personally would have paid for an extra bag AFTERWARDS as a kind gesture to a wee boy who I had invited to the party and who was in no way to blame for his mother not RSVPing or for her subsequent actions.

Apparently, however, not doing this will teach his mother a life lesson and force the wee boy, who is a wet-wipe, to develop resilience (not to mention attracting admiring posts from the mean girls on MN who appear to revel in passive aggression online though hopefully not so much IRL).

Ye gods.

Show quote history

It makes the most sense for me that the mother pay for the party bag. She is the one that didn't RSPV and he is her son.

nothingtoseehereatall · 17/01/2025 17:41

@JandamiHash Some of the replies on here are clearly by Amanda or Amanda-lites. You are awesome. In fact, I've developed a crush on you through these two threads.

So I'm saying - sorry to your DH but LTB and run away with me. There will be no party bags for guests who do not RSVP to our wedding.

MaryWhitehouseExperienced · 17/01/2025 17:42

NiftyKoala · 17/01/2025 17:40

I would love to see the posters who think OP is so mean from now on buy special food for people who dont rsvp and personalized gift bags.

Show quote history

We just have to agree to differ, don't we? I would have bought the child a party bag; you wouldn't. Surely that's OK?

Trixiefirecracker · 17/01/2025 17:42

JandamiHash · 17/01/2025 14:20

I hear the crumble stand is very nice but have never tried it! Another lovely winter food

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Can not recommend Los Moros enough at market in York, They have a stand but also a restaurant down Back Swinegate. Food is Moroccan-y. Very good!

Original poster
JandamiHash · 17/01/2025 17:43

Rosesgrowonyou · 17/01/2025 16:27

What I've learned from this thread is that only people who agree with the OP are allowed to post. Anyone having another point of view,and this is AIBU after all,is jumped on by the OP and her fans.

I don’t think I’ve jumped on you or anybody else? Responding to a one disagreeing isn’t jumping on them

OP posts:
CarterBeatsTheDevil · 17/01/2025 17:43

I've never had Boursin on a baked potato, but if I did it would obviously be the Crown Prince of soft cheeses, the black pepper Boursin. Garlic and herb is all very well but black pepper's where it's AT.

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