Party bag gate part 2 - enter DH stage left

[JandamiHash]

Original thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5252894-child-didnt-get-a-party-bag?page=40&reply=141398805

To all the baked potato loving legends out there who followed my original thread, I couldn’t resist sharing what I think is a rather funny update.

So I’ve been away for a work conference today and didn’t check my phone til 2pm. Amanda had called me again! And messaged to say “Jandami can you call me please when you get the chance so I can find out what to ask this magician?”

I assume she means she wants to find out if I’ll pay for a party bag. So I messaged DH (who is fully invested in the drama) laughing about it. I didn’t reply to her as had to go back in the conference (and still haven’t replied only just got home).

Anyway at pick up, DH was standing in the playground waiting for DS and Amanda sidled up to him and said “Excuse me Neil? Is your wife’s phone broken?” (emphasis on the ‘is’ apparently). He just looked at her, said “No” and walked off to wait at the other side of the playground 😂 the best bit is - his name is not Neil!

I can only assume she’s either micro dosing with hallucinogenics or is genuinely mad. Nobody normal behaves this way.

PS jacket potato with pancetta, cheese, soured cream and chives tonight 🤤

Each to their own but I would be ashamed to be married to an ignorant , knuckle dragging and brutish man such as that. Still, as the devil made you, he surely matched you.

Well simpering people pleaser may be more your type but it certainly isn’t.

I'm speaking from experience, couldn't give a toss about whether its feminism or not.

I think Amanda has found the thread! 😂

This must be Amanda????!!!

OP, you MUST do the school run this afternoon. Please!

Oh my Amanda, must‘ve been bloody awful to realize actions can have consequences.

In all seriousness, you might try to question your definition of „kindness“. It‘s not kind to have boundaries and stand up to rude behavior. Many entitled people confuse a „no“ with an affront. It’s not.

I’m curious though. If you forgot to RSVP and there happened not to be a party bags for your kid but the parent sorted out special food for their dietary requirement and invited them to join them would you:

a. Apologise for not sending an RSVP and thank the parent for sorting food last minute

OR

b. Take home the special food ordered last minute without asking first then message after the party to complain you didn’t get a party bag?

You realise the OP isn’t making the post and isn’t annoyed because this woman didn’t RSVP but because of her subsequent behaviour?

@JandamiHash I see you and Neil have been revealed as the reprobates you are by @MyLadyGreensleeves she has you nailed you knuckle dragger

i particularly liked this⬇️ I’d be getting that sweet platitude laminated and pop on the the fridge
Each to their own but I would be ashamed to be married to an ignorant , knuckle dragging and brutish man such as that. Still, as the devil made you, he surely matched you

When she arrived, I would have said something along the lines of,

'Hello Jane. How nice you could make it. I didn't think you were coming because I hadn't heard from you. It's really good you and Tommy are here now but because I thought you weren't coming, I haven't sorted out a party bag for him.
I'll have a word with the magician and see if something can be sorted out. If not, you might be able to organise something with him later.'

That way, I would have let her know that the fault of the missing party bag was hers but without being bullish about it or making it look as if this was a big drama. She would have got the point and I would have not lowered myself into looking as if I was a person who got wound up over a child's RSVP.

As for the pizza, I would have done what any reasonable person would have done and tried to accommodate the child.

'Thanks for letting me know Tommy is a vegetarian but I had no idea about that. I can make him a cheese sandwich or I can try to order in a vegetarian pizza or you can do it if you want to be sure about what he eats.'

Again, making the point that she was at fault for not letting me know this either but not lowering myself into being the type of person who is thrown off course by having to order an extra pizza.

Regarding your husband's involvement.

My husband is a charming, well mannered, professional and well educated man so it is difficult for me to imagine him becoming embroiled in a row over a child's pizza and party bag.

However, if he had so little to do that he needed to place himself in the centre of a row about a child's party, I Imagine the last thing he would be doing would be contemplating telling Jane to 'fuck off' in the school playground, even if she approached him.

If he did, I would be ashamed not proud. I would also be very wary of anyone who, like your husband, says that they don't care what anyone thinks about them. That may be a recommendation in your world but in mine, it most certainly isn't.

@MyLadyGreensleeves Pop that glowing character summation in the 360degree portfolio for cpd

You’ve handled it superbly OP. There is a reason Amanda didn’t RSVP, it’s control, she wanted to control the situation. She wanted to see if she got a better offer, she wanted you to be left wondering if she was going to turn up. She wanted to be the star of the show and grace everyone with her presence.

It’s bit her in the arse this time. If she approaches again I would just say ‘look you should have RSVP’d and then your every whim would have been catered for. It’s on you this time.’

Wish I could see the deleted posts!

Cant wait to hear if she approaches your DH again.

I honestly can’t believe some people would just go along with what this woman has asked! Talk about being a push over.

I am 100% team OP. The other mother in question screwed up in not ripping, no drams it happens. What is unacceptable is her trying (thankfully in vain) to make the OP feel bad. If that happened to me I'd explain to my child and gave him an extra treat ( as it would have been my fault). We have all.screwed up, wr are busy it happens, but wh3n you screw up it's up to you to resolve it.

In other news feminism is about equality, not turning yourself into a mammy martyr. I don't know a single man who would think of buying extra, or more importantly that we as women would expect it from men. The OP isn't being a mean girl mammy it's pointing out she asked to rsvp and bought the associated amount.

Poor kid not because of the party bag but because of how his mam behaves and is raising him. Real life means you commit.

Dramatic much, eh? This is not a Shakespearian play and OP is not Lady Macbeth. I think you’re confusing ploy with reality here.

Ahhh... My favourite style of thread is back with round 2!

Low-stakes but genuinely psychotic. It's the perfect MN mixture.

Wrong thread. That poster got banned anyway for being a bully and ableist. She did manage to drag out her drama with a CF neighbour for 5 threads first which was impressive! Although, half of those were just people sharing cake recipes at her request.

'Thanks for letting me know Tommy is a vegetarian but I had no idea about that. I can make him a cheese sandwich or I can try to order in a vegetarian pizza or you can do it if you want to be sure about what he eats.'

The child was vegan @MyLadyGreensleeves . Your offer of a cheese sandwich would have deeply offended his mum's sensibilities.

@MyLadyGreensleeves what have you not read all the ops post?!?

“As for the pizza, I would have done what any reasonable person would have done and tried to accommodate the child.
'Thanks for letting me know Tommy is a vegetarian but I had no idea about that. I can make him a cheese sandwich or I can try to order in a vegetarian pizza or you can do it if you want to be sure about what he eats.'”

she ordered THE CHILD their own vegan pizza at a cost to op and then CF Amanda took it home?!? OP went much further than I would have I would have said no vegan pizzas but you can see if you get order a separate delivery from dominos our order is arriving at x time…. Op went above and beyond and in retrospect is probably wishing she turned CF away saying sorry no rsvp we can’t accommodate as we have limited numbers with the magician / hall etc

Ooo well that took a turn 🙈 (regards the allotment thread...must've been bad!)

Nothing is more empowering (but sometimes heart thumping) than standing up for yourself when someone sees MUG written on your forehead. My thicker skin has definitely come with age. I am such a nice person and will do anything for anyone... up to a point where I feel I am being taken advantage of, then its sip snip, no more, no explanation, no complaining or laying awake pondering what to do, as I have sooo many times. I dont like confrontation either so people can ask me why, but they normally can work it out for themselves and dont ask.

@JandamiHash I just want to say that your approach is utterly brilliant! I am all for helping out when things go wrong but will not put up with BS of this nature. And that doesn’t make me unfeminist!

*edited for typos

I have been the appalling disorganised mother but WAY worse than Amanda. I RSVPd but wrote the time down THREE HOURS late. It was excruciating! Like OP we had a very sick child at home and their sibling was the party goer. So actually getting to go to a party was a big deal. The mum of the bday dc couldn’t have been kinder and insisted we stayed and played for a bit and had some cake. It was SO SO embarrassing. What is wrong with this Amanda woman? Can’t she recognise her own cock up? You were kind OP and she is a very strange person.

OP i feel you've exhausted all the possible responses to the predictable and repetitive tedious "criticisms" in these threads. I'm bored now and you owe me entertainment (otherwise I'll tell my 18yo and he'll cry himself to sleep).

Can you the boring replies that have been done to death and encourage increasingly batshit ones instead? Ta!

I can't believe how many people think OP has dealt with this poorly.

Why on earth should she have to pay for and arrange a party bag because of the other mother's poor organisation?

I strongly suspect the mum does this all the time. As pp said its about power.

She's bloody lucky her child got fed, if it was me I would gave said 'you didn't rsvp so I don't have a party bag or food for him but he is welcome to join in with the activities'

It was the other mother's job to correct her mistake and pacify her child if necessary. It really was a simple as saying to the child 'I'm sorry you missed out on a party bag, I made a mistake and forgot to tell them you could attend. I will try and source the same things from the party bag but if not I will buy a little magic set and we could learn how to do some tricks together'

These threads have made me laugh and I must day I am really surprised at how many people are blaming the OP for the upset of the little boy. I agree that the thought of a little one upset is not nice but we can't all pick up the pieces for every kid who has parents who cba to RSVP.

Anyway this thread has also made me realise how boring my jacket potato toppings are. I really need to change things up.

Although in winter I do like a good home made steak and ale (pie filling) on my potato sometimes.

@myladygreensleeves

"As for the pizza, I would have done what any reasonable person would have done and tried to accommodate the child.
'Thanks for letting me know Tommy is a vegetarian but I had no idea about that. I can make him a cheese sandwich or I can try to order in a vegetarian pizza or you can do it if you want to be sure about what he eats.'”

Did you not bother to read OP's posts?

She ordered and paid for a vegan pizza for the child in question...