Party bag gate part 2 - enter DH stage left

[JandamiHash]

Original thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5252894-child-didnt-get-a-party-bag?page=40&reply=141398805

To all the baked potato loving legends out there who followed my original thread, I couldn’t resist sharing what I think is a rather funny update.

So I’ve been away for a work conference today and didn’t check my phone til 2pm. Amanda had called me again! And messaged to say “Jandami can you call me please when you get the chance so I can find out what to ask this magician?”

I assume she means she wants to find out if I’ll pay for a party bag. So I messaged DH (who is fully invested in the drama) laughing about it. I didn’t reply to her as had to go back in the conference (and still haven’t replied only just got home).

Anyway at pick up, DH was standing in the playground waiting for DS and Amanda sidled up to him and said “Excuse me Neil? Is your wife’s phone broken?” (emphasis on the ‘is’ apparently). He just looked at her, said “No” and walked off to wait at the other side of the playground 😂 the best bit is - his name is not Neil!

I can only assume she’s either micro dosing with hallucinogenics or is genuinely mad. Nobody normal behaves this way.

PS jacket potato with pancetta, cheese, soured cream and chives tonight 🤤

Just caught up with both threads.

@JandamiHash 🙌🙌🙌

Too many CF around, who use social niceties to their advantage. I am absolutely sick of it. I think those posters bemoaning OP and telling her to be nice are part of the issue. OP was perfectly nice enough and did more than what she needed to.

I have a friend who can drive but refuses to get a car due to the cost "I can walk everywhere I need to get to" and then proceeds to try and get me to take her places or pick up orders for her 🙄

Life is tough and we don't always get what we want and sometimes other people's inaction impacts us directly. You have to learn to role with the punches and teach your children the same. Amanda is doing her son no favours at all.

As for JP toppings, my go to is lashings of garlic butter, then cheese, chilli, cheese again on one side and sour cream on the other, sometimes spring onion on top.

It’s light-hearted. Lighten up.

It's hilarious the amount of abuse people get on this site for being absolute doormats, and now OP is getting abused for NOT being one.

Anyway hope you're doing the school run today OP?

I'm not sure I'd have even got vegan pizza

My posts are light hearted. Lighten up yourself.

Words to that effect being " here's your £2 colouring book" 😆

I have had a really full on week (month) at work which has been super stress and this thread has made me laugh. I hope the CF person buys her own party bag for son, (doubt it) and realises that she really should RSVP.

I really couldn’t understand why some people could defend Amanda’s position, but it must be that they see nothing wrong with not RSVPing and turning up any way.

and not being mortified about it.

the rest of her behavior is wrong too, and if you think Amanda is behaving reasonably, you are defending rude behavior.

jacket potatoes - classic butter, baked beans and cheese every time. I remember going on a long work trip to Cannes and craving one after too much French food,

I think you’re spot on. I was raised to “treat people as I’d like to be treated” with no exceptions and honestly it made me the world’s biggest walkover for sooooo long. I used to do my flatmates’ washing at Uni FFS because they asked me to in a “and I’ll cut the grass” way and even though I knew it was ridiculous and not equal chores I said yes 🙄 it culminated in me doing all dishes, cleaning, liaison with landlord etc while they had lie ins and partied. I definitely gave off an air “I’ll do anything for anyone” and CFs sniff you out like a bloodhound.

It wasn’t actually until DS was a baby that I turned it round - he wasn’t settling into nursery at all, he’d cry his eyes out (I think he was maybe 10 or 11 months) and I’d end up leaving drop off holding tears back and figuring out what to say to my horrible boss who, despite it being a flexi time organisation whose core hours were 10-4, would get very pissy if I turned up at 9.05 - “I’ve been here since at 8am!” (You also leave at 4.30) and thought it very annoying that I had kids and that came with problems sometimes. Anyone one day it was a really bad day of DS being dropped off, he was screaming the place down, I’d had no sleep and walked out really quite upset. the then-Amanda of the nursery was putting her older child in her car in the car park and said “Oh Jandami seeing as you don’t have a child about your person could you pop back into nursery and tell them I’ll be picking Alice up 30 minutes early”. I normally would’ve done that but I was so upset and tired I laughed and said no do it yourself. Her face was a picture! I then went in and when my boss moaned I told her that flexi time means the start times can be as late as 10am and I always stay til 5.30pm anyway so I’ll be exercising the freedom it’s supposed to give me. Then when I handed my notice in a week later I told her her anti-work life balance attitude was the reason. It was like an epiphany that I don’t have to take ridiculous orders from anyone and people should be called out.

Mind you I still get the heart thumping when I tell people no or refuse to bow to CFs but it gets easier with time!

I’ve read it, although not all 1000+ posts tbh, but all the OP posts. I agree ‘Amanda’ doesn’t sound great but I don’t think OP her husband sound particularly kind either and all of the MN goading her to send texts / next steps etc is just f’ing weird. It’s like sport.

There’s a very good Pret in the train station I always pop into. I know it’s a chain restaurant but their New York rye sandwiches are off the scale

Why do we put up with these manipulative, self absorbed and frankly irritating (mostly) women

Ooo there it is.
So feminist this thread isn’t it?

When I make a mistake and other people do their best to bail me out I'm grateful and very apologetic for the inconvenience I've caused.

It was Amanda's mistake, OP did the best she could at the time.

The idea that you can fuck up and then still be entitled to whatever you what have got if you hadn't is what makes Amanda a cheeky fucker.

Went to a friend’s wedding a few years ago. Met her partner later in life, it was a small but very lovely wedding.
Her mum died many years ago, her dad was there. He was very poorly in his 80’s.
Very old school and he insisted on a free bar for the first two hours in the evening.
We have been friends since childhood. A few others were there the same, to say they are affluent now is an understatement.
They were ordering the most expensive bottles of champagne in the place and spent £800 in two hours. The manager approached me as I’d helped organise everything and told me, so I told my friend and she shut the free bar. She was in tears and I get it.
Everybody knew it was a gift from her dad, she was in floods of tears as he was obviously a pensioner and hardly rolling in money.
I did ask someone at the table and the told me…
Oh we drink this all the time, what’s the problem?
We all grew up in the same working class town, our parents all knew each other and knew Jim was still very much a lower income gent. And he was a gent.
Amanda is here is also entitled and thinks the world revolves around her.
If I turned up and had forgotten to RSVP I would have:

• profusely apologised
• ordered and paid for a pizza myself
• asked the magician if I could order a bag, pronto, and paid for that as well!

Stop with weaponised incompetence and stop enabling shitty behavior.
and on top of that: stop with adding more and more responsibilities and mental load on mothers for other people‘s children. That’s neither healthy nor productive.

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

Poor lad

I thought this sort of thing was good for him? To build resilience? Learn life lessons in disappointment and prepare him for the workforce? Isn’t that right? I’m confused now..

No, I have a day off so DH is doing it while I have a lie in (well, while I lie in bed mumsnetting and watching Derry Girls in the background)

How have we been unkind? Genuine question. I don’t think saying “Yes no Amanda three bags full Amanda” when barked at is unkind.

I’m confused now..

Oh bless. Must be hard being so easily confused.

Having read both threads which much interest and delight (although frankly some of you need to have a word with yourselves over your baked potato toppings) my conclusion is that the OP has done the completely right thing.

I am not the most organised of parent, as when married and with my kids smaller all this life admin used to fall on me...but having found myself walking in to a a party it turns out I didn't RSVP to I'd have apologised profusely, ordered my own pizza or at least certainly paid for one to meet my son's requirements. I'd then explained to my child about the party bag situation and either asked for the Magician's details or asked my poor offspring which magic trick he most wanted to learn and do a quick Amazon order.

As in the working world someone's lack of organisation or effort shouldn't become someone else's problem. Amanda fucked up. Amanda needs to take responsibility.

Will you be doing the pick up later on @JandamiHash ?

I wonder if Amanda will go over to your DH (Neil she believes his name to be, Neil his name is not) and say that he was rude to walk away from her yesterday and she wants to speak with you.

I do hope your DH puts her in her place about this whole palaver as she really needs to have her eyes opened on what is and isn't acceptable behaviour. I couldn't imagine keeping on at a parent because my child didn't get a party bag because I hadn't bothered to RSVP to let the hosts know to include him.

OP can you please tell us which school so we can all turn up with popcorn this afternoon? Loving this top level cheekyfuckery

Amanda reminds me of all of those parents who don't bother to book a seat on a plane and still expect their little Louis to be allowed to sit in someone else's seat (that was paid for and reserved for them) so that he could look out the window!

Is anyone else getting those vibes from this?

I won’t be doing pick up until Monday now. Gives Amanda a whole weekend to get over it!

My DH is very direct with CFs, and genuinely doesn’t care what people beyond me and the kids think of him, always has been (in a way only a man can get away with) so I honestly think, as long as there were no kids in earshot, he’d tell her to fuck off if she tried to approach him again.