Party bag gate part 2 - enter DH stage left

[JandamiHash]

Original thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5252894-child-didnt-get-a-party-bag?page=40&reply=141398805

To all the baked potato loving legends out there who followed my original thread, I couldn’t resist sharing what I think is a rather funny update.

So I’ve been away for a work conference today and didn’t check my phone til 2pm. Amanda had called me again! And messaged to say “Jandami can you call me please when you get the chance so I can find out what to ask this magician?”

I assume she means she wants to find out if I’ll pay for a party bag. So I messaged DH (who is fully invested in the drama) laughing about it. I didn’t reply to her as had to go back in the conference (and still haven’t replied only just got home).

Anyway at pick up, DH was standing in the playground waiting for DS and Amanda sidled up to him and said “Excuse me Neil? Is your wife’s phone broken?” (emphasis on the ‘is’ apparently). He just looked at her, said “No” and walked off to wait at the other side of the playground 😂 the best bit is - his name is not Neil!

I can only assume she’s either micro dosing with hallucinogenics or is genuinely mad. Nobody normal behaves this way.

PS jacket potato with pancetta, cheese, soured cream and chives tonight 🤤

I think the thing is when most of us get it wrong, we are the ones to take the hit. Amanda doesn't sound at all apologetic about not replying and instead is still trying to guilt trip the mum.
Yes most of us do make mistakes but then we fix it rather than expecting someone else to. She could have offered at least to pay for the special pizza he required. She could just buy a magic kit from a shop if James is banging on about it still.

At 8 I am not sure why she even stayed and shared the pizza. At that age it is mostly drop and go.
From the poster it sounds like James already struggles socially, doesn't always get invited to things and you can see why. Yes I do have sympathy for him, but this is not going to help (if other parents stayed surely they would also have witnessed her irrational behaviour, and even if they didn't other kids would have gone home telling their parents James' mum stayed and ate food with us).

Pineapple has no place on pizza or jacket potatoes! 🥔

Just saying!

I wonder if the child is upset with the mother because she's so flaky all the time and he misses out as a result. That's what she can't bear. And she has the front to make it someone else's problem instead of taking responsibility herself.

He'll end up constantly mortified and angry by her, or he'll become a version of her.

So glad you started a new thread, *didn't get the chance to say... you are my new role model... from now on i'm going to be more @JandamiHash . Why do we put up with these manipulative, self absorbed and frankly irritating (mostly) women. I have a theory that people have tiptoed around them all their life that they think the behaviour is acceptable.. until someone actually tells them its not but they don't understand it and you are the bad person. Also a lot of them play the victim when it doesnt go their way. diddums.

You have handled this perfectly. I would not engage further.

Also... Boursin and baked beans??? I can't even comprehend that!!!

I did a baked potato buffet as the food for a special birthday. We did chilli (vege and meat), cheese, pulled pork (and jackfruit), tuna mayo.

But... the vegans and veggies did RSVP, so I knew that they were coming and catered accordingly. (And it was all GF. I originally wanted to do pies but didnt because GF pastry is a bit of a faff)

Making two threads about it is a bit OTT though. I find the whole thing weird which is why I think it’s made up for entertainment purposes

People like Amanda aren’t that difficult to deal with, you just ignore them, but according to the people on this thread Neil is a hero for..for..I’m not sure. But well done anyway that man 😂

Are you ok?
I didn’t say it was important?
And have you not RTFT? The pizza is not the only reason I think she’s a cheeky fucker

That is not very nice

And?

thanks for the warning.. im taking my son back to Uni there tomorrow, ill avoid the cafe's.. 'spoons all the way!!

I think perhaps posts have hit a nerve with some posters who are clearly the type who think RSVPing is surplus to requirements and don’t like that it’s been pointed out that it’s very cheeky to turn up without having RSVPd

I’m all here for it! Totally invested. Some posters never return to let you know the next chapter so very grateful to the OP. You do know you don’t have to read it and can scroll on by.

I actually think Dominoes are a total rip off and call them “expensive cheese on toast” but DS loves them! I also got a deal which made them cheaper but not by much

Can someone please write a script for this and get it submitted to the BBC (other production companies are available) .........it would certainly make for great viewing

Supporting someone as entitled and rude as 'Amanda' isn't a hill that I would die on. She has been rude at every stage of this saga:

• rude not to RSVP and completely unapologetic that she hadn't replied
• rude to expect OP to have provided vegan food when a) she didn't know that James was attending and b) didn't know that he was vegan
• rude to take the vegan pizza leftovers home
• rude to berate and scold OP for not providing a bespoke/personalised £12 party bag for her son and insisting that OP provides one now.
• rude to only spend £2 on a colouring book as a present for OP's son. OP has said that they are an affluent family.

If OP was discussing this with all the mums in the playground, that could be construed as 'mean girls' behaviour. Venting on an anonymous forum is not.

Amanda obviously as the hide of a rhino to persist in harassing OP about the party bag. If her son was so upset and she had any manners, she would have contacted OP to say that her son was upset about not getting a party bag and she understood that it was her fault for not replying to the invite, but could OP give her the details of the magician so that she could order one for her son.

Amanda and her husband also had no qualms about not even inviting OP's son to James's birthday party, as Amanda's DH told OP that there was no room for her son. If OP had been a spiteful or petty person, she wouldn't have invited James to her son's party.

Omg you're right! I hang my head in shame 🤣

Someone is definitely embarrassing themselves here but it's not the OP.🙄

The next chapter? You make it sound like a soap opera which is what it is.

As I’ve said from the start if she’d just got it wrong and actually apologised or even acknowledged it was her fault, I’d have forgotten about it by now. But she persisted in making her mistake my problem and that’s not something I, or anyone else, should stand for.

And yet here you are reading..🤷‍♀️ So not too OTT for you then. But you are not obliged to follow this thread. We are plenty others who are invested in this CF drama and waiting for next episode where the magicien calls OP to ask if he's supoosed to send her an invoice because according to an Amanda OP had forgotten to order a birthday bag... I can so see that happen !

I am a Boursin virgin! Is it nice? Is it like feta?

Ah @JandamiHash - don’t even bother explaining why you didn’t prepare an extra bag or why you didn’t had a heartfelt 1:1 and coaching session with Amanda and her offspring to clear the air.

As you said, women are being held to a different standard than men and are expected to compensate / „be nice“ / turn the other cheek when other individuals fail to step up or act appropriately. It’s time to end this social expectation. Women don’t need to cover for other women‘s or men‘s shortcomings. If these people‘s behavior is enabled their whole lives by others and there are never consequences - how will they learn? And why should others be expected to enable them?

No, it’s enough. Stop with weaponised incompetence and stop enabling shitty behavior.
and on top of that: stop with adding more and more responsibilities and mental load on mothers for other people‘s children. That’s neither healthy nor productive.

I applaud OP and Not-Neil for having common sense and not enabling Amanda‘s drama. Have a great day!

I suspect he doesn’t realise how her actions impact him. And won’t tip he’s probably an adult with kids himself. Poor lad.

Yes it is nice but it’s not at all like feta. It’s soft (spreadable) and flavoured with garlic.

Honestly, this is the best thread I’ve read for ages! I’m fully looking forward to part 3 😁 OP both you and your DH are legends, your ongoing stand against the culture of entitlement and lack of personal responsibility is a joy to behold. Please don’t ever change 👌🏻

I never said I didn’t want to read it. In fact I think I described it as entertaining.

I bet Manus James isn't still going on about it, it'll be a bee in Amanda's bonnet now and she simply cannot be beaten by @JandamiHash !