Party bag gate part 2 - enter DH stage left

[JandamiHash]

Original thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5252894-child-didnt-get-a-party-bag?page=40&reply=141398805

To all the baked potato loving legends out there who followed my original thread, I couldn’t resist sharing what I think is a rather funny update.

So I’ve been away for a work conference today and didn’t check my phone til 2pm. Amanda had called me again! And messaged to say “Jandami can you call me please when you get the chance so I can find out what to ask this magician?”

I assume she means she wants to find out if I’ll pay for a party bag. So I messaged DH (who is fully invested in the drama) laughing about it. I didn’t reply to her as had to go back in the conference (and still haven’t replied only just got home).

Anyway at pick up, DH was standing in the playground waiting for DS and Amanda sidled up to him and said “Excuse me Neil? Is your wife’s phone broken?” (emphasis on the ‘is’ apparently). He just looked at her, said “No” and walked off to wait at the other side of the playground 😂 the best bit is - his name is not Neil!

I can only assume she’s either micro dosing with hallucinogenics or is genuinely mad. Nobody normal behaves this way.

PS jacket potato with pancetta, cheese, soured cream and chives tonight 🤤

Maybe OP should send a reply asking for her sons missing bag 🤣

Basically @JandamiHash should just have invited every child in the country to a frosty field and provided just carrot sticks. And maybe some.cherry tomatoes.

Or, you know, not.

I can’t understand the PPs saying think of the poor child. I’d be embarrassed if I’d done such a poor job of parenting that my 6 year old child couldn’t accept that because mummy made a mistake and forgot to RSVP unfortunately there weren’t enough party bags. Learning to cope with these things in life is good. As parents, our job isn’t to protect our children from disappointment, but help them learn how to deal with it.

I have thoroughly enjoyed reading your comments OP. You are completely spot on with your take on CFs. I’m so pleased you stood your ground.

I also want to mention that I was that child who turned up to parties with no rsvp because my mother couldn’t be bothered. I think you’re right, it taught me resilience and respect for etiquette which I may have overlooked if I wasn’t so embarrassed by my mother’s slack behaviour! I still cringe at how awkward it was seeing the shock of my arrival on hosts faces at parties. I don’t place the blame on them at all!

Try her game back to her (being too busy/forgetful.
Call her Anna from now on, when she corrects you say, "oh yes, of course". When she asks about the party bag say, "what party?" When she says "your sons" just say, "oh we're really busy had a few partys since that one, magician... oh yes he was good but I haven't a clue where I found him from, we're busy we don't write things down".

I like a stuffed jacket potato

This thread has clearly gone even more off piste from the original one! 😕

@JandamiHash Can I just say that I think that the shit you've got off this post about not having spare party bags is absolute shite. Why would you cater for surprise guests arriving... I've had people show up without RSVP'ing or bringing siblings and they get fuck all of a party bag and tbh it's never been expected.

I know it's not the childs fault, but I agree, why would you buy for unexpected arrivals, if it was me tbh I wouldn't have shown up without RSVP'ing unless I definitely thought I had (but I would have checked) and if I did arrive without it I'd be mortified and definitely wouldn't expect a party bag and tbh probably would have ordered my own pizza.

I know it's not the same thing but its the principal, if you rocked up at a wedding without RSVP'ing would you expect to have to been fed at the wedding breakfast.

She's a self important cheeky fucker and as an ex people pleaser myself I most definitely would not be bending over backwards to help her source a party bag. I completely agree with everything you've said.

I really hope your son enjoyed his party and he has many more good days than bad and that he recovers soon.

Jacket potato wise, coleslaw and my mums Christmas stuffing (sausage meat, apricot, pine nuts) is my favourite... But smoked bacon and melted grilled cheese with sour cream, or cheese and beans, all with an unacceptable amount of butter are also winners. The shell must be crisp.

I second the I ❤you’s! Ignore the ‘be kind’ brigade, what that really means is be a format. You have not been ‘mean’ you accommodated the non-RSVP child by ordering a vegan pizza and then apologised for not having a party bag! You did everything right.

i would hazard a guess that if ‘Amanda’ had posted first then quite rightly she would have been told she YABVU and quite rightly so! Especially by those that are saying you are a ‘meanie’! You are far from it you are assertive and that doesn’t make you mean!

@JandamiHash WWND?
What Would Nessa Do? 😂

You are hilarious OP!

my school gate is full of Amanda types trying to one up eachother - you sound much more up my street.

Can we be mates? I’m a veggie though but wouldn’t nick an entire pizza to take home based on this. My jacket potato topping of choice is boursin with baked beans on the side - is this acceptable?

The initial error was the mother who did not RSVP. But it seems that the child has been made to suffer for that. Your concern should have been for him.

As a Kiwi, my jacket potato of choice is a baked kumara (sweet potato) with a simple sour cream and a smidgen of grated red onion dressing. The kumara comes from my own garden, totally organic and harvested with my own rough gardening hands.

No, I haven't checked the price of a Domino's pizza lately. But if the mum had RSVP'd, then a veggie pizza would have had to be ordered anyway. Although it was a bit of a cheek to take the leftovers home.

The whole thing is not a really big issue. Someone forgot to RSVP. Another pizza had to be ordered. The party mum must have at least have saved money on one party bag. Therefore, apart from the child, no one should be that bothered. This is just whinging over nothing.

Suffer? Really?

He got to see a cool magician show and OP went out of her way to be sure he had vegan pizza so he could eat with his friends.

OP isn't a magician herself and couldn't magic up a party bag at the party because of his mother not RSPV'ing but she gave her the magicians details so the mother could get him a bag.

OP did more than I would've. He didn't ''suffer'' at all.

I must say, I'm surprised Amanda is bothering to follow this up at this stage. Even if her son was upset at the beginning of the week at missing out on the magic tricks the other guests were learning, I bet they've all moved on by now.

I'm amazed at the people who say you should have had spare party bags. I mean, I get it if all you've got in the party bags is cheap tat, but would they seriously have spent £24 or £36 on spares which would probably end up being thrown away or given to a charity shop? If my child were upset because I had cocked up so that he hadn't got a party bag, I would have been mortified and would have regarded as no-one's problem but mine to sort out.

Why should my concern be for him? Why do random women have to plug the gap for shit parents?

He's a small child and he was upset. The party mum said so herself. Why do grown women cause such a fuss over such a small incident? My sympathies lie with the boy. His mother was remiss in not sending an RSVP and the party mum was silly as she affronted because she had to buy another pizza. 🙄

He's a small child and he was upset

Entirely the cause of his mum, not me. Not my place to scrabble around to mitigate his disappointment

Why do grown women cause such a fuss over such a small incident?

Again, there was only one person making a fuss. I was happy to end it at the party.

My sympathies lie with the boy. His mother was remiss in not sending an RSVP and the party mum was silly as she affronted because she had to buy another pizza

I was affronted I had to spend money on a pizza because of an unapologetic cheeky fucker. A pizza intended for a child, yet the cheeky adult ate it

I told my son about your party bag and he is really into magic so now he is devastated he didn't get one. Come on OP be kind. Why are you leaving out my son. Also if you can express post the bag too Australia so it arrives in time for the weekend that would be good. I don't want him sad all weekend.

D'you want a pizza with that, love?

I really should have anticipated this and posted one out 3 weeks ago. I’m so sorry 🤣

I just love your DH response: He just looked at her, said “No” and walked off to wait at the other side of the playground

............. no guilt........ no angst........... just a straight reply to the question.

I feel we can all learn from this simple response - it makes life so much easier! 😂

Yes of course. Not vegan though.

Sigh. The OP met her obligations. She even went out of her way to feed the kid. It’s the kids mother’s job to be concerned about little Rupert, not the OP. Furthermore, the OP provided Amanda with contact details to obtain another party bag (like it’s a party bag…it’s not like the kid is living on the streets of Delhi).

what do you actually propose the OP does, you know, in a practical sense? Or do you expect her to hand wring and feel all guilty?