Threat to gate crash DD wedding

[Aussierelative]

Bit of background DSis lives in Australia and has been living overseas with her family for about 30 years. We keep in touch but are not really that close. We have not met in person for over 6 years and only every 3-4 years before that.
My DD is getting married in September. It is a fairly small wedding, 60 for the ceremony and wedding breakfast with another 40 [mainly friends] coming for an evening party. The decision was made months ago not to invite any cousins from either side. DSis and her DH are invited and have accepted although she made it clear that she was very disappointed that her two DCs were not included. They are both late 20's. My nephew is independent, but niece is still at home with parents mainly due to MH issues. I have heard a rumour that my DSis and BiL are planning to bring the uninvited niece with them presumably in the hope that we will somehow shoehorn her into the arrangements. My DH is fuming to say the least and never had much time for them anyway. He says that this is gate crashing and if they do this we should uninvite them even if they have travelled from Auz. I am not sure how to handle this. Any advice?

How mean and petty of your husband. Of course you should include their daughter.

But only 1 extras add up. Her fiance has had to limit fanily as well. People should be able to.invote who they want. We don't always like every member of our families so why should we invite them.

I'd post something on the family chat/social media saying "Please note, due to strict venue number restrictions we will not be able to accommodate additional guests on the day. The fire and safety requirements of the venue state that anyone not invited or RSVPd will not be permitted to enter the building. We're sure you understand that this is a building regulation and strictly enforced by xvenuex security.

It’s not just church weddings, it is any wedding. The ceremony must be accessible to the public at large regardless of where it is held.

I had several extras turn up to my wedding ceremony. I thought it was quite nice and invited them to the reception. We didn’t have any tight constraints on numbers though.

Riiiggghhhtttt

But you weren't answering her question, you made up a whole scene ario to fit your narrative. Very different

It’s not just church weddings, it is any wedding. The ceremony must be accessible to the public at large regardless of where it is held.

That's complete nonsense. Where did you read that?

To spout shite. I guess that's what some people feel they need to do.

It is your call of course but ai can’t imagine doing this to my niece
I mean 100 people more important than your niece

This. It doesn’t have to be a giant drama. Someone else won’t be able to attend- there will be room.

Sweet Jesus. Do not do this.

My DH is fuming to say the least

Your husband sounds horrible.

It’s not even his wedding.

It’s not even YOUR wedding.

Let DD and her fiancé take care of it.

But it isn't just one cousin is it ?

If they invite this cousin, there'll be requests from the other cousins and the thing just snowballs.

If the aunty can't find other support for her DD, knowing she isn't invited, then aunty declines the invitation. It would be the same if it was a child free wedding and aunty had a 4 year old. If she couldn't find child care, she'd decline the invitation. Sad but that's how things pan out

Every wedding has this kind of drama. I had a registry office wedding with max 30 people, mine and DH immediate family alone exceeds that so we said no aunts, cousins etc etc at the ceremony and we still had phone calls from aunts we hadn’t seen in decades annoyed they weren’t included. Madness! I think this is ultimately your DD’s decision. I wouldn’t consume yourself with a rumour. Leave it to your sis and daughter to sort out of it happens.

Oh come on, anyone making the effort to travel all the way from Australia can surely be found a place at the wedding?!

This.

Message Dsis and say I was thinking N might like these .....activity ideas....whilst your at the wedding....such a shame she can't attend but we just don't have a spare seat as at maximum room numbers already.....we were hoping to all get together on... y...looking forward to seeing you....

Exactly!

also Ops DH sounds like a bloody dictator nightmare! It’s all about what he thinks!

No, it’s already been said that other cousins on the groups side are not being invited, so it’s not and all or none situation at all.

Surely a place at the evening reception could be found. Hardly likely to offend anyone.

There's a possibility that your niece might be ok to be alone at home where she has familiar things and support but not in a strange place and country. But that's your sister and her husbands issue to sort. Ultimately though its your daughter and her partners wedding, so they get the final say on who comes or doesn't.