Threat to gate crash DD wedding

[Aussierelative]

Bit of background DSis lives in Australia and has been living overseas with her family for about 30 years. We keep in touch but are not really that close. We have not met in person for over 6 years and only every 3-4 years before that.
My DD is getting married in September. It is a fairly small wedding, 60 for the ceremony and wedding breakfast with another 40 [mainly friends] coming for an evening party. The decision was made months ago not to invite any cousins from either side. DSis and her DH are invited and have accepted although she made it clear that she was very disappointed that her two DCs were not included. They are both late 20's. My nephew is independent, but niece is still at home with parents mainly due to MH issues. I have heard a rumour that my DSis and BiL are planning to bring the uninvited niece with them presumably in the hope that we will somehow shoehorn her into the arrangements. My DH is fuming to say the least and never had much time for them anyway. He says that this is gate crashing and if they do this we should uninvite them even if they have travelled from Auz. I am not sure how to handle this. Any advice?

*grooms

This is fair enough under usual circumstances but your sister is coming from literally the other side of the world at great expense and effort. It's extremely mean spirited not to extend the invitation to one extra person in this situation IMO. And if their DD has MH issues that have rendered her unable to thrive independently, of course it's a big ask for all of them to leave her thousands of miles away for an extended period of time.

I think if you're going to be mean about her coming, you probably just shouldn't have invited any of them. It's poor form.

Oh for heavens sake, if your niece and nephew want to travel all the way from Australia invite them.

There's no need for any drama about it.

Who is paying for the wedding?

This. She’s a cousin and your niece. She has mental health issues and dependent on her parents. They are travelling fr AUSTRALIA. Good lord she need to be invited. What is wrong with people?

The couple haven't asked the daughter to travel over from Australia. She wasn't invited because they have no relationship. The last interaction they had was ten years ago. Why on earth would anyone prioritise such a distant family member at their wedding over someone who they actually see and speak to?

It would be wrong of your sister to bring you DN along when she isn't invited. I remember walking down the aisle, and I turned my head slightly, to find a stranger in my wedding. My cousin had brought his new gf (who hadn't been invited) that was a shock!

Maybe on your face time "glad you and dh are travelling over. I'm not sure if either of your kids are coming over with you, but obviously the wedding invite is just you and dh due to capacity".

Tbh I can understand their point of view, if they're coming all the way from Australia for a wedding it's understandable to want to bring their DC even if they don't end up coming to the actual wedding. They'll still be able to see family at other times.
If it was me I probably would squeeze in one extra person even if it was just for the ceremony then evening do, but also if your DD really can't then your sister should understand that and your niece will just have to amuse herself for a few hours during the wedding.

The girl has mental health issues and is travelling the whole way from Australia, fgs just invite her, it's a total non issue imo

No one asked her to travel. She could just stay home. If the aunt thinks her late twenties, adult DC cannot stay home and they need an extra invite because of her poor mental health, she needs to be upfront and ask. And if it’s a no, stay home if needs be.

Not just turn up with her in emotional blackmail.

If she has to come, I’d be explaining to all the other cousins why she had to be invited when they were not.

But if she invited this cousin people are likely to find out then his cousins and her other cousins could be annoyed they're not invited. It's never just 1 extra at these things.
The ops dd hasn't seen her in 10yrs, didn't get on when they did see each other. So there is no reason to invite her.

What other cousins?

1 niece travelling all the from AUS, as she still lives with her parents, potentially, due to her MH issues who are both attending the wedding and you dont want to invite her !!! How mean !

The decision was made months ago not to invite any cousins from either side.

All cousins either side.

But it’s already been stated that not all his cousins have been invited, some have, so why would it change if they don’t worry already that some have and some haven’t?

she’s not the only cousin that will be there, if she’s actually invited.

The groom comes from a bigger family who live quite locally so they have had to exclude quite a lot of cousins from his side.

so some cousins have been invited as per the above quote by OP! Exclude quite a lot, but not all!

This

They are travelling across the world and their daughter has additional needs. Your attitude beggars belief.

Shameful to exclude her.

Just make space for her. She’s travelling all the way from Austrailia and won’t have other company if she is left on her own. A bit mean to exclude her.

Just don't invite any of them since you seem to dislike them all. A sibling is a person's closest relative and yet you're "not close" and no cousins from either side are invited. Family seems to be the last priority here so just tell them not to come.

make an exception for her , they are coming from so far away

To be honest I would invite the niece and nephew, two people is not much. If necessary invite the other nieces and nephews if you daughter wants.

It's a family occasion and it seems very mean to leave your niece and nephew out of it.

It isn’t nonsense. It’s a condition of the wedding venue licence.

What other requirements are there for premises?

• You must ensure the public have access without charge to the ceremony room(s) for one hour before and during the ceremony.
• There must be access for disabled people.
• Notices are required at each public entrance giving directions to the ceremony room(s), names of the couples, time of wedding and room of wedding so that the public can find the venue easily

https://www.oxfordshire.gov.uk/residents/community-and-living/births-deaths-and-ceremonies/celebrate-your-special-day/marriages/places-get-married/licensing-your-venue

Its up to the bride and groom who attends. However, it was probably a bit short sighted to invite parents from the other side of the world but not their daughter who they still care for. I would have either invited all 3 or none of them.

It's also been stated she has other cousins who she is close to but is unable to invite them. So why on earth should she invite someone she doesn't really know or like?