Child didn’t get a party bag

[JandamiHash]

Hosted my son’s 8th birthday on Sunday. I sent out invitations in December and made it clear when people had to get back to me (7th Jan). We hired a magician and included personalised party bags that the magician makes himself - they have each child’s name on the stuff inside and it also included a magic wand and some of the tricks he did on the day so the kids could try themselves at home. They were a quite expensive addition but I didn’t mind as I thought it was a nice touch. I also ordered Domino’s Pizza and just enough for the partygoers as again it can be very expensive.

One child whose parents didn’t RSVP turned up. The mum is a bit of an Amanda (as in from Motherland) and has form for being a bit of a PITA. I did say “Oh you didn’t RSVP, it’s absolutely fine to stay but sorry I don’t have a party bag for James, just to warn you.” She looked annoyed and just said “I did RSVP didn’t I?” And checked her phone before saying “Oh dear I forgot. What a shame he won’t have a party bag.”

She then told me James is now vegan like her (was previously vegetarian). I said “Oh sorry there are no vegan pizzas ordered”. Again she looked annoyed and said how it would be awful not to feed him, so I said it was fine I’d call dominoes now to add one onto the order. She shared it with him and took the leftovers home. I was pissed off, if that was me I’d have at least ordered one myself for my child, but this woman is deeply entitled and a massive CF. I would never leave a child without food though and feel like I did the right thing.

Anyway I’ve had a text today to say how upset James is that he didn’t get a party bag, apparently the other kids are all bragging about their magic tricks that they’ve learnt with the party bag stuff and he’s feeling left out (she is forever messaging the mum’s group moaning he’s left out and nobody is his friend and expects us all to prioritise this with our own kids) and that I should have had spares.

I haven’t replied but WIBU to tell her that she should have RSVPd and the only person answerable to her son is her and her DH for sloppy organisation, and that plenty of children in the class didn’t attend the party. Also that I made reasonable adjustments for the food at my own expense. DH thinks I should send my bank details and ask for the extra £10 the vegan pizza cost!

It sounded lovely and not over the top at all. Are we back to running around in freezing puddles again?

It sounds like Amanda has plenty of experience of 'spare party bags'. What's a dick.

I'm not sure why you're having to defend your choice of hosting a child birthday party at a venue. Cricky id not organize my august born dd's party in a bloody park. The mind boggles...

This reply from CF quite clearly calls for the passive aggressive 👍 reply @JandamiHash

Don’t reply to her message. If you meet her again and she mentions it, just say ‘Oh, I answered your message didn’t I?’ Check your phone then say’Ohhh I must have forgot to reply…’ Leave it at that.

people like her aren’t worth your time or energy.

Poor James won't even be a getting a generic party bag ever again. I do feel sorry for.him, but that's on his awful mother and his inherited behaviour, not @JandamiHash .

She has now 😆 🤣

Eh no . . . what? Batshit

Why the hell should she do that? By the time the party bag arrives, the kids would have probably stopped talking about the contents of the partybag. So what’s the point? If the mum cares so much she can buy him one herself

No but I would LOVE someone else to come on who knows her!

100%

Do you know what the moral of this story is? RSVP and don’t be pissed off if your child doesn’t reap the full benefits of the birthday celebration!

Would a man start a thread about a child not getting a party bag on dadsnet I wonder?

Horrible comment.

Not at all. People who don't agree with spending hundreds of pounds & upwards on childrens parties every single year,buying presents for every party they attend,not forgetting the stress involved are not referring to the OP as an individual.

As others have mentioned people can do as they please with their money and I agree. The trouble is when children become so used to birthday parties & all they involve they can become entitled & disgruntled if they don't meet their expectations. They also get absolutely exhausted, especially if it involves consecutive weekends.

We are all entitled to our opinion & personally I don't think it's good for them. My diary used to be filled with birthday parties taking up so many of our family weekends. Eventually I said no more than 3 or 4 a year & they weren't any less popular by refusing.

I have to admit I’ve had the odd flaky moment especially the last year as there’s been so many ruddy hospital trips/nights of DS being in pain/trying to manage his condition whilst making sure he gets everything he already needs. But if I’ve forgot something I have the nerve to own up and deal with the consequences and I don’t make excuses, rather than expecting my problems to be everyone else’s problems. If I felt she genuinely forgot to RSVP I’d not have been bothered about the pizza (still wouldn't have ordered a spare party bag though) but it’s the unapologetic “it’s you’re problem now on the day you’re already running round after a load of kids, what are you gonna do to sort it” attitude that only ever seems to be displayed by perpetual pisstakers

OP is my hero

Because unfortunately women still usually do the bulk of the child related activities.

Your argument will be valid when men take on the bulk of the work.

His mother could have approached the entertainer on the day to order one as she had already been advised there wasn't a bag for him.
She can still do that now if her child is upset.
Or she could have RSVP'd rather than expect everyone to pander to her...

This is utterly mind blowing
she didn’t RSVP. Of course it is her fault!
absolutely gobsmacked.

Depends how you define 'winning' ...

Jesus wept!! 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

She’s a pain in the arse and there is nothing I dislike more than someone who won’t take responsibility for their own mistakes. She fucked up but now it’s all your fault. I would be livid if sent that reply but am so impressed by your restraint.

The trouble is and again this isn't referring to the OP,women when it comes to those elaborate birthday parties are making a rod for their own backs. It's not necessary & not always good for children if they are attending them regularly throughout the year.

Bollocks would it have taken the wind out of her sails. It would have inflated her already over-inflated sense of self importance and feed into her terrible attitude for the next episode of woe is me injustice.

OP has absolutely done the right thing by saying actually, this is your problem not mine and not caving into toddler like tantrums. All because her pwecious little pwince didn't get a personalised stick FFS.

No wonder CF'ers exist if some people would seriously have paid for a party bag. She can pay for one if she wants to because she didn't RSVP.

I wouldn't have even paid for the pizza so you're better than me, OP.