Child didn’t get a party bag

[JandamiHash]

Hosted my son’s 8th birthday on Sunday. I sent out invitations in December and made it clear when people had to get back to me (7th Jan). We hired a magician and included personalised party bags that the magician makes himself - they have each child’s name on the stuff inside and it also included a magic wand and some of the tricks he did on the day so the kids could try themselves at home. They were a quite expensive addition but I didn’t mind as I thought it was a nice touch. I also ordered Domino’s Pizza and just enough for the partygoers as again it can be very expensive.

One child whose parents didn’t RSVP turned up. The mum is a bit of an Amanda (as in from Motherland) and has form for being a bit of a PITA. I did say “Oh you didn’t RSVP, it’s absolutely fine to stay but sorry I don’t have a party bag for James, just to warn you.” She looked annoyed and just said “I did RSVP didn’t I?” And checked her phone before saying “Oh dear I forgot. What a shame he won’t have a party bag.”

She then told me James is now vegan like her (was previously vegetarian). I said “Oh sorry there are no vegan pizzas ordered”. Again she looked annoyed and said how it would be awful not to feed him, so I said it was fine I’d call dominoes now to add one onto the order. She shared it with him and took the leftovers home. I was pissed off, if that was me I’d have at least ordered one myself for my child, but this woman is deeply entitled and a massive CF. I would never leave a child without food though and feel like I did the right thing.

Anyway I’ve had a text today to say how upset James is that he didn’t get a party bag, apparently the other kids are all bragging about their magic tricks that they’ve learnt with the party bag stuff and he’s feeling left out (she is forever messaging the mum’s group moaning he’s left out and nobody is his friend and expects us all to prioritise this with our own kids) and that I should have had spares.

I haven’t replied but WIBU to tell her that she should have RSVPd and the only person answerable to her son is her and her DH for sloppy organisation, and that plenty of children in the class didn’t attend the party. Also that I made reasonable adjustments for the food at my own expense. DH thinks I should send my bank details and ask for the extra £10 the vegan pizza cost!

I've never been to a kids party where someone extra turns up unexpectedly. You wouldn't do it at a wedding.

Apparently getting frostbite in a snow covered play park is the height of enjoyment for 8yos, not the warmth of being indoors with domino’s pizza

Omg there is one of these in one of my DDs year. She regularly blames the Dad, o I told him and it’s his weekend. The thing is I spoke to the Dad at rainbows pick-up one night after he mentioned it was his weekend coming up I said o don’t forget Xs party, he was oblivious, called the mum and asked if there was a party and she told him she forgot to tell him. I’d already guessed it was her, the dad is far more organised. When they were together he was always the one doing school pickup for her other children, left work when kids were sick etc.

I feel so sorry for the DD, she already struggles making friends by playing up at school, she now coming to an age were parties get smaller and if her mum regularly lets parents down (every party this year) she’s got no chance building friendships.

She was the same with her older children, I remember 2 parties, one mine where her grandparents brought the dc and hour and half late and another she dropped and ran, the little boy was wearing a thick winter jumper in spring, one of those really hot out of the ordinary days, he was red and sweating, I asked him to take his jumper off assuming he had a T-shirt on, he had nothing on underneath. Luckily another boy mum had a T-shirt he could change into but by that point he was crying to go home, but could anyone contact mum…

The same mum has only ever hosted one party. Big village hall, iPod for entertainment (not knocking that we’ve done it but been actively involved in entertaining) no food, some cordial. An hour into the party the grandparents went and picked up some pizzas to share, no asking what people liked or allergies etc. I ended up going to coop to try and find some allergy appropriate food for my dd and another little girl.

I love throwing parties and after 3 DCs I’m use to slack parents, but some just really piss you off.

Well thank goodness OP has some self respect and hasn't made up for Amanda's shortcomings as a mother and done an extra party bag after the party. If people keep on doing this Amanda will never learn that it's her responsibility to act like an adult, do something as basic as RSVP and prevent James from having completely self imposed disappointments. She's responsible for James' wellbeing, not OP.

Why anyone would bend over backwards for someone who treats them like shit I don't know. This isn't a good example to set to OP's son or James (or Amanda).

I'm sort of guessing James is probably used to this already, if not he's going to need some resilience for the years ahead if Amanda doesn't wise up. She's not going to wise up if people are doormats and bow down to her every command.

Honestly, if pushed I might have been tempted to give the shitty 'present' Amanda gave to OP's son as a 'party bag' 😂

k

You've been more than accommodating, Op. Just resend your original answer which included the Magician's ph. no.

Perhaps answer So now you have, you cheeky cow.

Why am I apologising??

I must say you completely and utterly have the right feelings towards this. You can't make everyone happy all of the time. She probably would of kicked off about something else. If it was me I'd be apologising profusely and wouldn't dream of asking for a party bag. My daughter had a pamper party last year and I'd paid for a set amount of spaces. One parent didn't respond after questioning and a teacher asking. The party had a delayed start as we didn't know if the child was turning up or not. Unfortunately I've now said to daughter I can't invite the child again as another child could of had the place and it cost me a small fortune! I was so cross!
Also, yes it was the mothers fault, but the child is learning from them that it is ok to do what you want when you want and people pander to you. Actions have consequences and the sooner you learn this the better. You have offered a solution to the problem, how, where and how much to buy what the child wants. You honestly can't do anymore!!

OP, do not buy another party bag. Tell Amanda to buy one if James wants one. Problem solved. And ignore any further silly messages from her. Also, don’t have a party outside in January. Your child will not thank you for it 😆

You can't be serious 🤣

I didn't say we all had them. I said "we have them" as a country...

There is the odd precious parent in DS’s class. I am absolutely team drop and run. Unless there’s a bar. Or the host is a close friend and it’s a chance to hang out

OP is messaging directly with the mother. She's not making it a big deal in front of other parents.
The other mother could be mitigating her child's upset. If she apologised to the boy and admitted her mistake he might be sad but not embarrassed

Mr Squishy must be saved at all costs! Long live Mr Squishy!

This woman doesn't have the initials VS does she? The text about the contingency sounds just like someone I know 🙈

Feel sorry for the child having a mother like that, hope he has lots of other adult role models so that he sees there are other more reasonable ways of behaving

Surely you just do a couple of spare generic party bags, I always do in case younger siblings turn up.

To be fair I think the poster is referring to the sheer indulgence of it all in general not about OP who added her son hadn't been in the best of health last year so his party was a special treat. All children deserve special treats but I think we have to admit in many cases the treat is way over the top & unnecessary for a great birthday.

I wonder how many men are told it’s their responsibility to make sure kids in their child’s class never get upset and to spend time and money planning for the eventuality

Poor kid. Sounds like your son is right and James is off the invite list for the foreseeable.
Amanda can send self righteous crappy text messages but can’t RSVP? Sounds like she needs to get her priorities in order.

I'll hazard a guess.

None.

A generic bag wouldn't have been good enough for Princess Amanda.

Yep none. ‘Won’t anyone think of the children’ is reserved for women.

Just repeating this great reply. 100% this.

Also, women who do this don't set a good example for their children. Why should OP's son's party be all about James even after the party is over? He doesn't even like James!

It's not OP's job to manage James' disappointment at his Mum's entitled arrogance. She's obviously able to argue the toss, so not RSVPing is deliberate, not because she's disorganised.

I bet Amanda manages to RSVP and fill in waivers for parties needing them where insurance requirements mean that hurt feelings won't be enough to reverse the 'hell no, you can't participate' corporate response.