Child didn’t get a party bag

[JandamiHash]

Hosted my son’s 8th birthday on Sunday. I sent out invitations in December and made it clear when people had to get back to me (7th Jan). We hired a magician and included personalised party bags that the magician makes himself - they have each child’s name on the stuff inside and it also included a magic wand and some of the tricks he did on the day so the kids could try themselves at home. They were a quite expensive addition but I didn’t mind as I thought it was a nice touch. I also ordered Domino’s Pizza and just enough for the partygoers as again it can be very expensive.

One child whose parents didn’t RSVP turned up. The mum is a bit of an Amanda (as in from Motherland) and has form for being a bit of a PITA. I did say “Oh you didn’t RSVP, it’s absolutely fine to stay but sorry I don’t have a party bag for James, just to warn you.” She looked annoyed and just said “I did RSVP didn’t I?” And checked her phone before saying “Oh dear I forgot. What a shame he won’t have a party bag.”

She then told me James is now vegan like her (was previously vegetarian). I said “Oh sorry there are no vegan pizzas ordered”. Again she looked annoyed and said how it would be awful not to feed him, so I said it was fine I’d call dominoes now to add one onto the order. She shared it with him and took the leftovers home. I was pissed off, if that was me I’d have at least ordered one myself for my child, but this woman is deeply entitled and a massive CF. I would never leave a child without food though and feel like I did the right thing.

Anyway I’ve had a text today to say how upset James is that he didn’t get a party bag, apparently the other kids are all bragging about their magic tricks that they’ve learnt with the party bag stuff and he’s feeling left out (she is forever messaging the mum’s group moaning he’s left out and nobody is his friend and expects us all to prioritise this with our own kids) and that I should have had spares.

I haven’t replied but WIBU to tell her that she should have RSVPd and the only person answerable to her son is her and her DH for sloppy organisation, and that plenty of children in the class didn’t attend the party. Also that I made reasonable adjustments for the food at my own expense. DH thinks I should send my bank details and ask for the extra £10 the vegan pizza cost!

We have one of those. His name technically was sticky man but because my child has issues with pronunciation, to us he is Dicky Man 😂

She's definitely in the wrong, but I've always had 1 or 2 extra kids turn up to parties who haven't RSVP'd. I think it's really rude, but I make sure to have a few extra party bags for this exact reason, as it's not the poor child's fault. You could have got some spare non-personalised ones. Completely don't think you should have to, but that's just my experience.

Life is a lot easier now my kids are a bit older and tend to just invite a few close friends for a cinema trip or bowling or something like that for their birthday

And quite right too.

I missed this in the mêlée earlier, but as someone highlighted it just now, this is still an appropriate response to her even more entitled follow up message. Couple of minor edits to reflect subsequent exchange:

"I'm very taken aback by this message. After I missed your call, I fully expected it to mention any or all of the following; an apology for not RSVPing, sincere gratitude for the fact we accommodated your child regardless, acknowledgement that we then paid for a vegan pizza nobody but you or your child wanted and appreciation for the leftovers which you took home without even asking.

I am stunned by your rudeness having read what you actually sent me."

Because I’m not a walkover. I spent a lot of my life scrabbling to please people who wouldn’t piss on me if I were on fire and I now refuse to do it. It’s a much nicer way of life!

Women who go out of their way to be gracious to dickheads rarely win in life IME

Those saying the OP should have extra party bags just in case, do people really "forget" to RSVP? Surely if you're putting it in your diary, buying a card and gift, travelling there... at some point you make sure you replied to the parent?

I'd have extras if it was a standard party bags (and I do good party bags) but if they were personalised then no I wouldn't and it's not OP's fault that Amanda let her child down by forgetting to reply to the invitation.

Literally all the mum needed to do was to explain to the child she'd forgotten to message so he didn't have a party bag but she'd take him to the toy shop so he could choose a little treat. Problem sorted. Instead she's made it your problem. Batshit

This for the win!!! 🤣🤣🤣

You handled this perfectly OP, although much less rude than I'd have been personally. Actually laughing out loud at the posters on here having a go at you for not letting them run around a park in the freezing weather instead... only on mumsnet 😂😂

Wow talk about entitled.

you could reply that you have never been to a party where the guests steal the leftover food without asking 😂

Omg OP HOW DARE YOU

you aren't supposed to think that way 😉

Brilliant

Well, I have never been to a child’s party where the hosts haven’t had a contingency plan for extra children arriving. This is a normal part of planning. If this had been done then James would not have been excluded from getting a party bag.

Well she must have the hide of a rhino to reply with that! It is so tempting to reply back pointing out her appalling rudeness, sense of entitlement and lack of social graces but if she is uppity enough to blame you for not having spare party bags just in case her calendar is free enough for her child to attend, then there is no point. You might as well save your energy for someone more deserving.

You just know that had op had a spare party bag that was the same as the others , but not personalised, she'd kick off that OP wasn't somehow psychic enough to know which non rsvping child was going to appear .
Poor James scarred for life because his class mates had personalised wands etc and he didn't.

You can only respond politely...
How nice it was that James could join in after all. Glad he had fun and once again sorry he missed out on a pre ordered 'lolly bag'. If James would really like one, she could perhaps purchase one herself from the magician for 20. He might not make them up to sell separately, though you can always ask him.
Ph Magician 888888888.

Awww that's like the Mr Squishy we had. He survived for quite a while - getting more grubby each day 😂
He was very cute.

I like the cut of your jib @JandamiHash
Also your username.

@JandamiHash

I’d be tempted to respond.

Something like : “That might be the case with some parties, but I specifically needed to know numbers as the company was preparing the party bags. They didn’t provide extras. Also a RSVP is important to allow for dietary requirements. This might be worth noting for future parties e.g. a climbing party or party where waivers are needed.”

Me too. She's got Nessa Shanessa's take no shit attitude, which I love.

She is peak CF! I’m astounded! What a twat. I’d probably just thumbs up that, or maybe a laughing face response.

I’m trying to score points because I’m not bowing and scraping to someone who’s been very rude to me?

Even if it was warm this is such a shit 'party' 🤣

My daughter is 9 in June and already talking about what she wants for a party. I might suggest to her tomorrow we invite all her friends to go feed the ducks and see what she says 🤣

I wonder if any of the other parents noticed this behaviour at the party or have been burnt by it before.

Oh god yes respond with an emoji. Gold