Child didn’t get a party bag

[JandamiHash]

Hosted my son’s 8th birthday on Sunday. I sent out invitations in December and made it clear when people had to get back to me (7th Jan). We hired a magician and included personalised party bags that the magician makes himself - they have each child’s name on the stuff inside and it also included a magic wand and some of the tricks he did on the day so the kids could try themselves at home. They were a quite expensive addition but I didn’t mind as I thought it was a nice touch. I also ordered Domino’s Pizza and just enough for the partygoers as again it can be very expensive.

One child whose parents didn’t RSVP turned up. The mum is a bit of an Amanda (as in from Motherland) and has form for being a bit of a PITA. I did say “Oh you didn’t RSVP, it’s absolutely fine to stay but sorry I don’t have a party bag for James, just to warn you.” She looked annoyed and just said “I did RSVP didn’t I?” And checked her phone before saying “Oh dear I forgot. What a shame he won’t have a party bag.”

She then told me James is now vegan like her (was previously vegetarian). I said “Oh sorry there are no vegan pizzas ordered”. Again she looked annoyed and said how it would be awful not to feed him, so I said it was fine I’d call dominoes now to add one onto the order. She shared it with him and took the leftovers home. I was pissed off, if that was me I’d have at least ordered one myself for my child, but this woman is deeply entitled and a massive CF. I would never leave a child without food though and feel like I did the right thing.

Anyway I’ve had a text today to say how upset James is that he didn’t get a party bag, apparently the other kids are all bragging about their magic tricks that they’ve learnt with the party bag stuff and he’s feeling left out (she is forever messaging the mum’s group moaning he’s left out and nobody is his friend and expects us all to prioritise this with our own kids) and that I should have had spares.

I haven’t replied but WIBU to tell her that she should have RSVPd and the only person answerable to her son is her and her DH for sloppy organisation, and that plenty of children in the class didn’t attend the party. Also that I made reasonable adjustments for the food at my own expense. DH thinks I should send my bank details and ask for the extra £10 the vegan pizza cost!

Ignore. Even criticising her actions (SHE was clearly in the wrong not you) will show you are sad that she was upset and probably feed her fantasy that the world should revolve around little James, which probably isn't what he wants!

I’m in the minority. I always stick in extra party bags for random children.

“Sorry, we only did party bags for the children we knew were coming as they were personalised.”

Excellent reply @JandamiHash

to the point and hopefully made her aware she cocked up

I’m prob would have texted her on the group to say are you coming as no reply from y before ordering the party bags - which sound fab btw

but I GET you didn’t want to chase people

she’s def a CF

I'd just reply. "Oh that is a shame. Poor James. Maybe this can inspire you to remember to RSVP to future party invites so that this situation does not arise again"

If you take the time to read the OP you see that they were provided by the magician and had been specifically ordered. They weren't some random bags of tat and haribo for a whole class party when one might easily have a few bags spare from the multipacks you've bought.

Personalised £12 ones?

wow

ive never done extra party bags or food

waste of money

shes obv doesn’t usually reply rsvp to people and assumed it was fine

maybe this will teach her a lesson in manners

There's a few people on this thread who'd be happy to pay for a party bag for little James so as not to upset a wee child,@JandamiHash , so perhaps you should set up a GoFundMe and LJ could have a one-to-one performance from the magician and a party bag, just so his whole life isn't ruined because his mother doesn't care enough to RSVP his invitations.

FWIW, I have 4 children and have had a LOT of birthday parties but I have never had a party where I’ve had invited children who didn’t RSVP turn up. I’ve had extra siblings etc and have always just given them a slice of cake at the end. If you catered for everyone rsvp or otherwise ‘just in case’, imagine the potential for waste and the expense!

Amanda, and her failure to organise herself is not your problem no matter how hard she tries to make it so. You weren’t expecting Manus and he wasn’t catered for. That’s the bottom line. I’d give the message big old thumbs up then give Amanda a wide berth!

I think it’s the same people who say “why spend thousands on a wedding?! We had our wedding in a hole in the ground, my dress was a 50p nightie from Scope and we fed guests super noodles and everyone says it’s the best wedding they’ve ever been to!”

This is really the only response that should be sent.

Another musing... why was the mother of an 8 year old staying at the party anyway ? You just dump and run at that age surely ? I wouldn't have anticipated any parent staying after Dd was about 5

For the free pizza she expected @JandamiHash to buy her.

I think that's very regional
I've never left my 8yo at a party - noone does here

This is for you OP.

I haven't even read what Amanda replied to your amazing message yet but was just at the Mr Squishy bit and just had to send this picture...

our Mr Squishy lives in the bathroom, about 3 hours ago he nearly went in the bin as he was hairy and disgusting but I washed him and kept him. Thanks for making me appreciate him!!

Also: you're amazing!!!

“As he would if you had done the ONE JOB and replied to say you were coming, instead of hedging your bets to wait for a
better offer. You are the weakest link, goodbye”

😳

It’s not great weather it’s fucking freezing weather and that is an absolute shit idea for a party. Unless you hate your child’s friends why would you do that in the UK? Feeding ducks? These kids are 7 and 8. Being warm should be the bare minimum.

BTW I agree with others that cold in the UK is a different cold to v cold countries. It bites more here

Literally 🤣

Because she knew she/Manus were not expected and she knew OP wouldn't have anything for him to eat or take away. So she stayed to make demands on the OP, make her feel guilty and project her own shit behaviour on OP so that she (Amanda) could maintain her position of superiority. This is how these people operate. This will not have been her first rodeo, nor will it be her last.

Yes 18 months of long toddler walks, feedings ducks, jumping in muddy puddles and trying not to die of boredom was not my idea of a fun day out (the kids seemed to enjoy it though)

Because I didn’t get an RSVP. There were 5 children who didn’t RSVP. Should I have got a party bag for them all at £60? 4 did the right thing and not turn up

Great replies op, both to cf and on this thread

I’ve enough to be on with without worrying about the embarrassment of random kids. i Can’t say I’ve ever planned my day to assuage potential embarrasment of children who aren’t my own