Child didn’t get a party bag

[JandamiHash]

Hosted my son’s 8th birthday on Sunday. I sent out invitations in December and made it clear when people had to get back to me (7th Jan). We hired a magician and included personalised party bags that the magician makes himself - they have each child’s name on the stuff inside and it also included a magic wand and some of the tricks he did on the day so the kids could try themselves at home. They were a quite expensive addition but I didn’t mind as I thought it was a nice touch. I also ordered Domino’s Pizza and just enough for the partygoers as again it can be very expensive.

One child whose parents didn’t RSVP turned up. The mum is a bit of an Amanda (as in from Motherland) and has form for being a bit of a PITA. I did say “Oh you didn’t RSVP, it’s absolutely fine to stay but sorry I don’t have a party bag for James, just to warn you.” She looked annoyed and just said “I did RSVP didn’t I?” And checked her phone before saying “Oh dear I forgot. What a shame he won’t have a party bag.”

She then told me James is now vegan like her (was previously vegetarian). I said “Oh sorry there are no vegan pizzas ordered”. Again she looked annoyed and said how it would be awful not to feed him, so I said it was fine I’d call dominoes now to add one onto the order. She shared it with him and took the leftovers home. I was pissed off, if that was me I’d have at least ordered one myself for my child, but this woman is deeply entitled and a massive CF. I would never leave a child without food though and feel like I did the right thing.

Anyway I’ve had a text today to say how upset James is that he didn’t get a party bag, apparently the other kids are all bragging about their magic tricks that they’ve learnt with the party bag stuff and he’s feeling left out (she is forever messaging the mum’s group moaning he’s left out and nobody is his friend and expects us all to prioritise this with our own kids) and that I should have had spares.

I haven’t replied but WIBU to tell her that she should have RSVPd and the only person answerable to her son is her and her DH for sloppy organisation, and that plenty of children in the class didn’t attend the party. Also that I made reasonable adjustments for the food at my own expense. DH thinks I should send my bank details and ask for the extra £10 the vegan pizza cost!

"I don't build contingencies around other people's failures and I'm not in any position to prepare extra party bags for kids who may or may not come. Simple fact is that if you had rsvped, James wouldn't be without one... twat"

TBH I have for some time decided not to pander to flaky people. It’s expected of women ALL the time, and often with a threat of “think of the tiny children! You don’t want to ruin a child’s day do you?!”. It’s very liberating

Fuck that and the horse it rode in on.

I'm stealing that @murasaki 🤣🤣🤣

Too right!

Urgh my blood is boiling on your behalf!
Good idea not to reply though... but i don't know if i could hold myself back!

I agree but I don’t know , I’d be inclined to be the better person and order a party bag for the boy, I think, if it were me but sometimes this bites you/hurts when that person doesn’t appreciate, and continues acting poorly…

I once discovered that a mechanic I gave a bad review of 3 stars to was the Dad of a kid in my child’s class (I have the review before discovering this). His wife sent me this long email about how it could have damaged his business and he confronted me in the car park . He deserved the review in my opinion and kept my car for a week and the quote was twice as much as another mechanic.

Anyway, I deleted the review to keep the peace and put a 50 pound credit (equivalent) at a particular store close to their business as a peace offering. They too the wine and never said thankyou or mentioned it and it took forever for them to chat to me. This is in Australia…

Anyway the moral of the story is that when you do things for people like this it sometimes encourages them to not respect you. Maybe it’s not the perfect example but I think it’s the same in essence.

And this child doesn't seem to be very nice anyway (can't think why...)

Don’t forget ‘white middle class mum…’

yup. Starting to see this thread in a different light.

Yes if the party bags were full of generic stuff I'm sure op would have done spares... but was she supposed to spend £12 and get personalised ones for every kids that didn't come?!

Ffs! A ‘contingency plan’?!! It’s a child’s party, you’re not planning for the possibility of war! She’s really taking this to another level!

James cares about the party bag because Amanda’s made it into a big deal and now he feels it is. If she simply spent an evening with him doing some magic tricks, he’d forget all about it. Unless all the kids who got party bags have been talking about this non-stop since the weekend (doubtful). As lovely as the party bags sound, I’m sure the party goers have moved on, as kids usually do.

I’m also just taking a minute to appreciate the lack of Mums like Amanda in my children’s classes 🙏

OP send her a picture of an arse on a plate then block and delete her

Ignore it, and don’t invite James next year. No worries about an RSVP!

I thought we all had them in the UK even though it’s never -10?

"What a shame- I expect you feel very bad about him not getting a bag because you didn't tell us you were coming.
Don't worry though- we'll bear the extra cost of the pizza. Next time DO remember to RSVP and tell us any dietary requirements."

I think she should count herself lucky that James was allowed to join in at the party, let alone get a party bag.

I'd reply 'well now you know for next time I don't do contingency plans, and to plan around that accordingly.'

👏👏👏

Not sure there'll be a next time!! 🤣

Because Scandi Mandy seems to think they’re the only nation to know how to host a child’s birthday party and Wnglish people just don’t know!

Never bought anything extra. Stuff comes in multi packs, never in the right number so throw a few bits of leftovers in a couple of bags just in case.

I don't know what I would've done in OP's case with the pricey personalised bags. Probably chanced my arm that a spare wouldn't be needed. But it's a regular enough occurrence that I think the magician should be ready for it tbh as I said upthread. I'd happily pay on the day rather than leave a child empty handed and disappointed.

*English

Nothing will infuriate Amanda more than you ignoring her message.
Do NOT reply.

Great response.

Haha peak mumsnet

No one should ever spend money on anything ever. Just do free stuff even if it's shit