Child didn’t get a party bag

[JandamiHash]

Hosted my son’s 8th birthday on Sunday. I sent out invitations in December and made it clear when people had to get back to me (7th Jan). We hired a magician and included personalised party bags that the magician makes himself - they have each child’s name on the stuff inside and it also included a magic wand and some of the tricks he did on the day so the kids could try themselves at home. They were a quite expensive addition but I didn’t mind as I thought it was a nice touch. I also ordered Domino’s Pizza and just enough for the partygoers as again it can be very expensive.

One child whose parents didn’t RSVP turned up. The mum is a bit of an Amanda (as in from Motherland) and has form for being a bit of a PITA. I did say “Oh you didn’t RSVP, it’s absolutely fine to stay but sorry I don’t have a party bag for James, just to warn you.” She looked annoyed and just said “I did RSVP didn’t I?” And checked her phone before saying “Oh dear I forgot. What a shame he won’t have a party bag.”

She then told me James is now vegan like her (was previously vegetarian). I said “Oh sorry there are no vegan pizzas ordered”. Again she looked annoyed and said how it would be awful not to feed him, so I said it was fine I’d call dominoes now to add one onto the order. She shared it with him and took the leftovers home. I was pissed off, if that was me I’d have at least ordered one myself for my child, but this woman is deeply entitled and a massive CF. I would never leave a child without food though and feel like I did the right thing.

Anyway I’ve had a text today to say how upset James is that he didn’t get a party bag, apparently the other kids are all bragging about their magic tricks that they’ve learnt with the party bag stuff and he’s feeling left out (she is forever messaging the mum’s group moaning he’s left out and nobody is his friend and expects us all to prioritise this with our own kids) and that I should have had spares.

I haven’t replied but WIBU to tell her that she should have RSVPd and the only person answerable to her son is her and her DH for sloppy organisation, and that plenty of children in the class didn’t attend the party. Also that I made reasonable adjustments for the food at my own expense. DH thinks I should send my bank details and ask for the extra £10 the vegan pizza cost!

James is not nice to the son either from the sounds of it.

Well, I have never been to a child’s party where the hosts haven’t had a contingency plan for extra children arriving. This is a normal part of planning. If this had been done then James would not have been excluded from getting a party bag.

AKA I have never sent an RSVP before and encountered a problem.

No Amanda, YOU haven’t, but the party host has.

CF

Not really. Buy a pack of 5 for 5 kids not 10 in case 5 more turn up uninvited

This planet is on its knees

And 😘 to you too though that's a little forward

I can’t believe the nerve of Amanda. What if every parent relied on the ‘over cater’ presumption and didn’t RSVP ? What about this culture of waste ? How do you forget to RSVP ? Kids literally go on about events and parties at this age non stop before. She knows her child has a dietary requirement and still didn’t think to rsvp. On the way to the party or that morning she didn’t think to let you know or ask if it was okay. She’s then expected you to order a personalised take home bag as an ‘just incase’ in this culture of consumption waste and a cost of living crisis.

I wouldn’t weigh into this. Nothing good can come of it - she’s looking for argy bargy. I would simply ignore. You don’t have to agree with this crap rule she’s invented about extra party bags, or explain that you don’t. She would know that her argument is a grey area and weak.

I’m a bit late but I cannot believe she actually said this !! Wow. Nothing is ever her fault right?

James's mother has the details so can order James a party bag.
Why would she want to see her son miserable when she can sort it out herself?
The OP isn't responsible for every child's happiness; she's already done her damndest by inserting James into the party and organising special food for him.
James isn't her problem.

This @JandamiHash and you could add that wasn’t it lucky Dominos could add the vegan pizza and hope she enjoyed the leftovers!

No, I mean OP could just have gritted her teeth and ordered another one after the party forJames so he didn't feel left out. It's not his fault his mother didn't RSVP. Sounds like it would gave been a small addition to the cost of the party and would have solved the problem (though not have provided such entertainment on MN). Is it not better to be gracious rather than engage in tit for tat which just stirs up further trouble?

Ah I do apologise! I didn’t see that.
Kudos 🙌❤️

No one would do that. You snooze you lose

How I would want to reply:
"Have you considered that your rudeness and astonishing sense of entitlement may be negatively affecting your son both personally and socially?"

What I would probably actually reply with:
"Thank you for your reply. I have certainly taken it on board and expect I shall refer back to it when arranging all future parties."

If she is thick enough, she will think she has "won" and it ends there. If she is slightly more on the ball, point made but there is really nothing she can say in response to such delightful ambiguity(!) If she chooses to show the exchange to anyone, it will give a laugh to anyone whose opinion I might conceivably care about!

Sure you do you if it makes you feel noble about yourself / like an eco warrior to potentially disappoint little kids at a party. But all the parents I know include a little extra to make sure no one is left out- there’s almost always a need for an extra bag or two. we prefer to be conscious in other ways - like making sure the bags aren’t full of plastic tat. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Oh my gosh the cheek of her!!! Wow!!

This x100. As another pp said, "You snooze, you lose." James' mother is responsible for any disappointment he experiences. Maybe she'll reply promptly to invitations in the future. Either way all of this "be kind" bollocks toward the OP is absurd.

I don’t know anyone who would go and order a personalised party bag after the party
to to give to a child who wasn’t meant to attend.

I might of send dh out to grab a haribo or something but not a full on party bag. At the time that is.

I would do it. I don't understand why there is a need for all this cattiness. Yes, James' mother has behaved badly but doing this would have taken the wind out of her sails.

It's the old triangle of fire situation. If you give a fire oxygen it gets bigger. Which is what OP is doing by trying to score points.

Haha! What a peak CFer.

I'd reply "Well, you have now." with a laughing emoji. Or several.

“That’s so funny! I’ve never hosted a party before where a parent was more diligent in following up about a party bag than they were about ensuring they send an RSVP! I guess we’ve all learned something today 🙂” but I’m a petty bitch and I realise silence is much more dignified.

I have no idea which birthday party hosts have had spare party bags or not - considering she thinks she has never been to a party without spares I am guessing she forgets to rsvp and just shows up regularly! It’s the only way she would know if every party she has been to has spares….

"Look inward instead of out, be responsible for your own child's expectations. Expectation you can easily fix for £12.
Your lack of planning (rsvping) is not my emergency"

One line reply.

’Well you have now. No RSVP, no party bag’.

This thread is funny as, I still am hoping you reply. Preferably one of the witty replies about her organisation lacking

Perhaps the OP should have paid for 3 or 4 extra personalised party bags with "To Whom it May Concern" written on them to cover all eventualities.

Agree to not feeding the troll but it's tempting to say, "I wouldn't know, I'm well mannered enough to always RSVP."

Hi OP!

idea for a response…
”as I said they were all personalised, and I can’t afford to get everyone them if they aren’t attending the party, as you know this would be very expensive and not affordable. Again, I’m sorry James felt upset however I don’t have time to be chasing up responses to children’s parties”