Child didn’t get a party bag

[JandamiHash]

Hosted my son’s 8th birthday on Sunday. I sent out invitations in December and made it clear when people had to get back to me (7th Jan). We hired a magician and included personalised party bags that the magician makes himself - they have each child’s name on the stuff inside and it also included a magic wand and some of the tricks he did on the day so the kids could try themselves at home. They were a quite expensive addition but I didn’t mind as I thought it was a nice touch. I also ordered Domino’s Pizza and just enough for the partygoers as again it can be very expensive.

One child whose parents didn’t RSVP turned up. The mum is a bit of an Amanda (as in from Motherland) and has form for being a bit of a PITA. I did say “Oh you didn’t RSVP, it’s absolutely fine to stay but sorry I don’t have a party bag for James, just to warn you.” She looked annoyed and just said “I did RSVP didn’t I?” And checked her phone before saying “Oh dear I forgot. What a shame he won’t have a party bag.”

She then told me James is now vegan like her (was previously vegetarian). I said “Oh sorry there are no vegan pizzas ordered”. Again she looked annoyed and said how it would be awful not to feed him, so I said it was fine I’d call dominoes now to add one onto the order. She shared it with him and took the leftovers home. I was pissed off, if that was me I’d have at least ordered one myself for my child, but this woman is deeply entitled and a massive CF. I would never leave a child without food though and feel like I did the right thing.

Anyway I’ve had a text today to say how upset James is that he didn’t get a party bag, apparently the other kids are all bragging about their magic tricks that they’ve learnt with the party bag stuff and he’s feeling left out (she is forever messaging the mum’s group moaning he’s left out and nobody is his friend and expects us all to prioritise this with our own kids) and that I should have had spares.

I haven’t replied but WIBU to tell her that she should have RSVPd and the only person answerable to her son is her and her DH for sloppy organisation, and that plenty of children in the class didn’t attend the party. Also that I made reasonable adjustments for the food at my own expense. DH thinks I should send my bank details and ask for the extra £10 the vegan pizza cost!

Typo I like that✔️reply

If she dares to moan to other parents, quietly post the link to the thread on the group chat. Tell them you were just checking you weren't in the wrong and she was in face an entitled cf.

Reply with a thumbs up only

How was it very goading?

This is brilliant!! (And very true)

Vegan sweets obvs

She's already replied. Read the updates 😀

I'd have to reply to the CF.

You turned up without accepting the invitation. I graciously welcomed you and your child. I catered for your dietary requirements at a moments notice, and instead of being grateful, you're complaining. If James is disappointed, it's because of you. Unfortunately, in the future, James won't be invited. 🖕

It’s freezing. Obviously. But not too cold to be outside. I can see for you it seem to be, but cultural differences as -30 is freezing cold to me. I do think some people are making excuses not to go outside though, -3 is great weather and a chance to experience the cold as a child if you are not used to it. Frozen puddles and ducks to feed perhaps.

Hi early it’s bad enough with the competitive under heating not we have competitive “not cold”ness? (competitive underheating?)

Not sure what you are saying here.

I feel like this is what the thumbs up emoji was designed for

I think she has a habit of not RSVP and just expecting everyone to pander to her. Ohh well maybe this may make her realise it's a good idea to rsvp. I wouldn't reply to that either.

Is there a kiss my arse emoji?

Not so much vile as barmy!

It brings back the horrors of Covid lockdowns with toddlers.

"Have you tried a puddlesuit and a flask of hot chocolate?"

I'm damned if I'm doing that for a party 😂. They're meant to be enjoyable! And age 8 is too old for this anyway really.

The OP's DS is part of the Covid generation of preschoolers. Most of us parents are puddlesuited out 😂.

I think I'd have to respond, but that's just me.

'I think you meant to say was 'thanks for squeezing James into the party, really appreciate it, and for buying him a vegan pizza, it's r really appreciated'

"A normal part of planning? Well perhaps it is for entitled parents who only spend £2 on a gift for a birthday child whilst expecting custom pizzas and £12 party bags to be ready 'just in case' for rude parents like yourself who rock up without rsvp-ing politely. But don't worry. It won't happen again as you and your son will never be invited again."

I know it's not as entertaining, but OP could have been the bigger person and have just ordered a personalised party bag for James (and paid for it). Why would you want to see a child miserable? It's not his fault he has a nightmare of a mother.

“Hi Amanda, thank you for your hosting advice. I will bear it in mind next year if my crystal ball for predicting party attendance for non responsive invitees fails me again.”

I would bite. For sure.

I've never attended a party without RSVPing.

OP has sent the mum the details so she can order one if he's that upset.

By the way the decent response to forgetting to RSVP is to send a message right before the party and ask if you can still come. I've had a parent do that the night before, said it was fine if kid couldn't come as they'd understand I'd have done all planning. Luckily I could get the extras needed and said of course they could come.

Then a CF just turned up on the day and expected everything as per Amanda. We didn't have enough.

I don't have a problem with an 'I'm so sorry I messed up, if there's anyway you can accommodate us please let me know'. Just turning up is cheeky fuckery.

Of course apologetic parents gave an extremely lovely gift and the CFs gave an Amanda gift. Never will invite them again.

This is the reply you get from classless scum.

Keep the texts and don't hesitate to share with other mothers if her name comes up.
Great to get a heads up when the dregs are in your midst.

Next year, under any circumstances don't trouble her with an invite.

They're made in advance. Is she meant to have paid for one to the be just in case he turned up?

Amanda is dim too. Does she think this is going to achieve anything other than James being on your 'never ever invite again' list.

Yeah, this is all on the mum, not on the OP, but also not on the child. But still, it is the child who is left sad and embarrassed here. It being his mum's fault doesn't change that. I've seen too many children suffer socially because of their parents. It's not fair. I wouldn't want to add to that by making this a big deal in front of other parents.

this is a good response