Child didn’t get a party bag

[JandamiHash]

Hosted my son’s 8th birthday on Sunday. I sent out invitations in December and made it clear when people had to get back to me (7th Jan). We hired a magician and included personalised party bags that the magician makes himself - they have each child’s name on the stuff inside and it also included a magic wand and some of the tricks he did on the day so the kids could try themselves at home. They were a quite expensive addition but I didn’t mind as I thought it was a nice touch. I also ordered Domino’s Pizza and just enough for the partygoers as again it can be very expensive.

One child whose parents didn’t RSVP turned up. The mum is a bit of an Amanda (as in from Motherland) and has form for being a bit of a PITA. I did say “Oh you didn’t RSVP, it’s absolutely fine to stay but sorry I don’t have a party bag for James, just to warn you.” She looked annoyed and just said “I did RSVP didn’t I?” And checked her phone before saying “Oh dear I forgot. What a shame he won’t have a party bag.”

She then told me James is now vegan like her (was previously vegetarian). I said “Oh sorry there are no vegan pizzas ordered”. Again she looked annoyed and said how it would be awful not to feed him, so I said it was fine I’d call dominoes now to add one onto the order. She shared it with him and took the leftovers home. I was pissed off, if that was me I’d have at least ordered one myself for my child, but this woman is deeply entitled and a massive CF. I would never leave a child without food though and feel like I did the right thing.

Anyway I’ve had a text today to say how upset James is that he didn’t get a party bag, apparently the other kids are all bragging about their magic tricks that they’ve learnt with the party bag stuff and he’s feeling left out (she is forever messaging the mum’s group moaning he’s left out and nobody is his friend and expects us all to prioritise this with our own kids) and that I should have had spares.

I haven’t replied but WIBU to tell her that she should have RSVPd and the only person answerable to her son is her and her DH for sloppy organisation, and that plenty of children in the class didn’t attend the party. Also that I made reasonable adjustments for the food at my own expense. DH thinks I should send my bank details and ask for the extra £10 the vegan pizza cost!

These party bags are £12 each, why should OP spend £24 on extra bags for people who can’t be bothered to RSVP even after being reminded?

Completely with you OP. The vile MNers seem to have descended on the thread.

I'm amazed you managed not to bite back at Amanda's response, I wouldn't have been able to contain myself.

James mum is looking for a drama. A story to embellish and recall the ignominy of it all. Don’t facilitate it

I would reply something like this.

I think this post may be peak MN.

Of course -3 is cold. It’s literally freezing.

Honestly it’s bad enough with the competitive under heating not we have competitive “not cold”ness? (competitive underheating?)

And in addition to this totally good point, the bags were personalised. Is she supposed to pay 12 pounds for every non replying child or random sibling just in case? Fuck that and the horse it rode in on.

'Off you fuck, cuntychops?'

I'd be publicly outing her in the group chat for failing to RSVP. Shame her into having better manners. I hate people who do not RSVP #petpeeve

I’m gonna, I’m not feeding the troll!

How did this turn into a debate about why you’re spoilt middle class Mum if you don’t send your kids out into a puddle in Winter and light birthday candles in a blizzard.

Luckily my DC are grown up and past all the children's birthday party years.
However, I never did extra party bags for random children who weren't expected because their parents hadn't RSVPed or tried to insert an uninvited sibling.
Especially because, once they were school age, most of the parties were soft play/swimming/make your own pizza etc and the meals were pre-ordered. So not only would there be no party bag, there'd be no party food.
And there was never a problem.

Interesting how she wasn't disorganised enough not to turn up to the party, isn't it? Very selective. Got time and place right and brought child there, but couldn't lift her fingers to type an rsvp.

Hate people like this.

Loving the suggestion of not giving out time and place until they RSVP!

No why accumulate bags & gifts on a just in case basis
Good manners is to rsvp
Host can’t be expected to have some just in case bags because a parent cen5 get their act together
If you fail to RSVP you are responsible for consequences

Read the start of the thread and never ended up posting my reply.

This woman is doing a brilliant job of making herself hated by all, you don't need to say or do a thing! Great that you didn't respond to the final message

Ah, the 4 yorkshire middle class mums of
the apocalypse.

I'd be tempted to send a PA 👍 and then block her but I'm a cow.

OMG, I can't believe you'd waste candles. How bourgeois! 🧐

What a cheeky cow! Best to ignore her now. Poor James doesn't stand a chance with a mother like that.

Don’t reply with anything but a link to this thread.

Well , wow, her reply is exceptionally rude!! 😮🫣. But then your message to her was also v goading so I guess you asked for it 😂. Gosh what a lot of drama - the school gates are going to be fun 😆

Nowt that I like

Brilliant response!

Hahaha! I’d send her a picture of some blank Scrabble tiles and ask if this was the kind of thing she’s thinking of with reference to non-RSVPers and named party bags options 😬

Yeah I agree. Just ignore her. If she thinks she got the last word, so what? Let her. It's worth it to get rid of her.

Reply back along the lines of

"Oh I know, it was a shame for James to miss out, don't feel guilty about it though as I'm sure you didn't mean to forget to RSVP, us Mum's are busy bees all the time and you'll never remember everything so don't be too hard on yourself. Hope you both enjoyed the pizza though".