Child didn’t get a party bag

[JandamiHash]

Hosted my son’s 8th birthday on Sunday. I sent out invitations in December and made it clear when people had to get back to me (7th Jan). We hired a magician and included personalised party bags that the magician makes himself - they have each child’s name on the stuff inside and it also included a magic wand and some of the tricks he did on the day so the kids could try themselves at home. They were a quite expensive addition but I didn’t mind as I thought it was a nice touch. I also ordered Domino’s Pizza and just enough for the partygoers as again it can be very expensive.

One child whose parents didn’t RSVP turned up. The mum is a bit of an Amanda (as in from Motherland) and has form for being a bit of a PITA. I did say “Oh you didn’t RSVP, it’s absolutely fine to stay but sorry I don’t have a party bag for James, just to warn you.” She looked annoyed and just said “I did RSVP didn’t I?” And checked her phone before saying “Oh dear I forgot. What a shame he won’t have a party bag.”

She then told me James is now vegan like her (was previously vegetarian). I said “Oh sorry there are no vegan pizzas ordered”. Again she looked annoyed and said how it would be awful not to feed him, so I said it was fine I’d call dominoes now to add one onto the order. She shared it with him and took the leftovers home. I was pissed off, if that was me I’d have at least ordered one myself for my child, but this woman is deeply entitled and a massive CF. I would never leave a child without food though and feel like I did the right thing.

Anyway I’ve had a text today to say how upset James is that he didn’t get a party bag, apparently the other kids are all bragging about their magic tricks that they’ve learnt with the party bag stuff and he’s feeling left out (she is forever messaging the mum’s group moaning he’s left out and nobody is his friend and expects us all to prioritise this with our own kids) and that I should have had spares.

I haven’t replied but WIBU to tell her that she should have RSVPd and the only person answerable to her son is her and her DH for sloppy organisation, and that plenty of children in the class didn’t attend the party. Also that I made reasonable adjustments for the food at my own expense. DH thinks I should send my bank details and ask for the extra £10 the vegan pizza cost!

Say the whole point of RSVP is to enable proper planning without wasting food and money. Everybody else managed.

Silly entitled twat.

What an arsewipe.

You've handled this brilliantly OP and the party sounds fab.

I would probably ignore her last text but, if I was in a "don't give a fuck, let's burn the place down" mood, I would reply along the lines of:

"Hey Amanda, just want to check that you're OK? It really is OK to have forgotten to RSVP you know, these things happen. I know it feels easier to project your mistake on to me but, honestly, it's not a big deal. As I said, you can very easily buy a party bag for James if he is being very difficult about it.

In the meantime, please don't worry. We all make mistakes, chalk it up to experience!

With love xxx"

Or, just use your words. Not a passive agressive thumbs up emoji that has been done to death for years.

Unless you really want to up the ante, I think I would stick with "Hopefully lessons have been learned". Suitably ambiguous.

What, like FUCK OFF

Well, I have never been to a child’s party where the hosts haven’t had a contingency plan for extra children arriving. This is a normal part of planning.

Of course OP. You should clearly have had a contingency of food also! Halal, Kosher, Jain, GF, Lactose free, egg free, nut free, shellfish free....... all laid on, just incase some CF decides to turn up randomly!!! 🙄

Do we? I don’t, and my kids haven’t since toddlerhood

If I got an invitation for a party in an outdoor park in January and had to buy snow suits I’d be declining

Can we stop the wanky derailing bashing the OP for not making her son play in a damp park for hours and donating the money to charity.

She said her child had been unwell.

No because cf mum is so thick skinned she will think she has suitably chastised the op and won

You would have thought so.

Exactly!
She's a dick.

That'd do

We would all buy them if it was -10

I actually can’t bear skiing. Paying a small fortune to be cold and fall over? Not for me.

Thing is...this kind of person would probably think they've 'won' and had the last word if op does that

Yeah, like that.

"The fact you are so sure of how many hosts have extra party bags makes me suspect that you must regularly ignore invitations then turn up unannounced and expect everyone to magic up extras to cater for your child.

It's extremely poor manners not to RSVP then to expect a personalised £12 party bag to be supplied. Not to mention food catering to a specific dietary requirement which I supplied with zero notice and that you took home without asking.

You are welcome to decline future party invitations if my hosting is it up to your standards"

Or I would just laugh emoji react and say nothing.

This is splendid! 🫡

What a CCFF. Literally what a bitch.

Some people have absolutely no self-assessment. Good for you OP for not biting (I think I'd be too enraged not to). Time to block her maybe?

I don’t buy extra party bags. If plus one siblings on not rsvp attend then that is too bad, no bag.
I think if you don’t RSVP don’t expect owt. Youre an unconfirmed attendee
If you hoik a sibling along as a plus one they’re not getting a bag(they weren’t invited)

She’s mad omg???

Another reason I like party’s at places with staff in the door. Your name anit on the list you anit getting in…

Oh birthday mum there’s a tommies mum at the door… hmmm she didn’t respond so I haven’t paid for his place 🤷🏻‍♀️

Dear Amanda,
Until this date I haven't needed a "contingency plan" because all parents have always rsvp:ed. Except you. One would presume that someone who doesn't rsvp do not plan to attend, wouldn't one? Anyway, needless to say the problem will not arise in the future because I only invite polite people who respond to invitations. Maybe you should try it in the future so that James won't be excluded everywhere due to your negligence."

OP did she at least bring a gift for your dc?

Her behaviour is quite sad and hilarious all at once.

I do like some of these replies but I think you’re right and it’s best to leave it. She’s spoiling for a fight basically. A little thumbs up though would be fun!