Child didn’t get a party bag

[JandamiHash]

Hosted my son’s 8th birthday on Sunday. I sent out invitations in December and made it clear when people had to get back to me (7th Jan). We hired a magician and included personalised party bags that the magician makes himself - they have each child’s name on the stuff inside and it also included a magic wand and some of the tricks he did on the day so the kids could try themselves at home. They were a quite expensive addition but I didn’t mind as I thought it was a nice touch. I also ordered Domino’s Pizza and just enough for the partygoers as again it can be very expensive.

One child whose parents didn’t RSVP turned up. The mum is a bit of an Amanda (as in from Motherland) and has form for being a bit of a PITA. I did say “Oh you didn’t RSVP, it’s absolutely fine to stay but sorry I don’t have a party bag for James, just to warn you.” She looked annoyed and just said “I did RSVP didn’t I?” And checked her phone before saying “Oh dear I forgot. What a shame he won’t have a party bag.”

She then told me James is now vegan like her (was previously vegetarian). I said “Oh sorry there are no vegan pizzas ordered”. Again she looked annoyed and said how it would be awful not to feed him, so I said it was fine I’d call dominoes now to add one onto the order. She shared it with him and took the leftovers home. I was pissed off, if that was me I’d have at least ordered one myself for my child, but this woman is deeply entitled and a massive CF. I would never leave a child without food though and feel like I did the right thing.

Anyway I’ve had a text today to say how upset James is that he didn’t get a party bag, apparently the other kids are all bragging about their magic tricks that they’ve learnt with the party bag stuff and he’s feeling left out (she is forever messaging the mum’s group moaning he’s left out and nobody is his friend and expects us all to prioritise this with our own kids) and that I should have had spares.

I haven’t replied but WIBU to tell her that she should have RSVPd and the only person answerable to her son is her and her DH for sloppy organisation, and that plenty of children in the class didn’t attend the party. Also that I made reasonable adjustments for the food at my own expense. DH thinks I should send my bank details and ask for the extra £10 the vegan pizza cost!

I don't know why OP is getting a hard time for posting word for word the messages. It's already such a specific situation that anyone involved would immediately know it was them.

I feel sorry for James having a mum who is such a CF that over time people won't want to invite him to things and deal with that.

Heh, i got the t shirt for Christmas, I swear it didn't specify race on it. A certain age, yes....

Glad I could help educate you that should you not rsvp this could be a possibility again. Hope this helps twat, kind regards OP x

I'd be tempted to apologise for asking for an RSVP and assuming everyone would know what RSVP means and promising to be more inclusive with your language next time. But I wouldn't coz I'm not an arse.

If you're feeling terse, you can reply: "k" (NB - lower-case)

That’s very presumptuous of you

Why? James mum didn’t RSVP, which had consequences. No way should op retrospectively order a bag for a woman who’s a Fanny

I'm really bemused. I thought this was a thread about party bags, not forest nurseries.

My older DC went to an outdoor nursery for a bit. The recommended kit - thermal waterproofs plus thermal waterproof gloves, wellies with liners, wool socks etc. - cost well over £100. I suspect the OP's party came in cheaper per guest than kitting out all the kids properly for a subzero party in the park.

DC1 also has a winter birthday. Parties have been hall with bouncy castle, soft play and pizza making so far. All indoors... In the warmth. Because we're not sadists.

Plausible deniablity

😮 “You’re coming across as extremely ungrateful and rude. I’m not going to discuss this further with you.”

Oh grow up Amanda

I don’t think anyone was really talking about you having the party outdoors. Your party sounded great. It was more a general thing. -3 is not very cold.

Unbelievable and hysterical! The idea that she is still blaming you for her mistake…. Hopefully once she gets past her anger she’ll be sufficiently ashamed and start making better choices for her and her son.

Well I hope so otherwise my kid's in trouble

Wow, what a reply she gave. The contingency plan does not need to be in place if she would have had the curtesy to RSVP. I would respond that the contingency plan is to send parents that have not RSVP'd the details so the can get their own personalized party bag. On another note, I would not encourage my DC then further contact with James tbh.

I am, however, going to continue to discuss it with millions of people online.

A normal part of planning is remembering to RSVP. Thank you for your feedback.

Best wishes

Send that.

Oh, yeah, James's social life is toast.

I’d reply.

Well then you’ve been very lucky that your bad manners have never caused James a problem. Presumably lesson learned now from you, and you can draw a line under it.

Scraping the barrel there like dude.

I wouldn't hold my breath! Life time membership to the CF club!

Seriously OP just ignore her. She wants a row.

Let her kick off, all the other parents will know to give her a swerve. Poor kid.

That's mumsnet for you!

She was wrong to not RSVP and in no position to have a go a anyone else. But I do somewhat agree with her re: spare party bags. I don't know if this is your first party or if you've just been very lucky over the years, but I don't think I've ever had or been to a party where someone didn't turn up with an extra child or had forgot to RSVP. Of course it's not your responsibilty to accommodate these extra children, but it is still sad and embarrassing for those children no matter who is at fault.

Dear cf parent
Unfortunately the magician cannot provide another bag. Here's a link on amazon to some similar magic tricks if you absolutely need to pacify your ds