Child didn’t get a party bag

[JandamiHash]

Hosted my son’s 8th birthday on Sunday. I sent out invitations in December and made it clear when people had to get back to me (7th Jan). We hired a magician and included personalised party bags that the magician makes himself - they have each child’s name on the stuff inside and it also included a magic wand and some of the tricks he did on the day so the kids could try themselves at home. They were a quite expensive addition but I didn’t mind as I thought it was a nice touch. I also ordered Domino’s Pizza and just enough for the partygoers as again it can be very expensive.

One child whose parents didn’t RSVP turned up. The mum is a bit of an Amanda (as in from Motherland) and has form for being a bit of a PITA. I did say “Oh you didn’t RSVP, it’s absolutely fine to stay but sorry I don’t have a party bag for James, just to warn you.” She looked annoyed and just said “I did RSVP didn’t I?” And checked her phone before saying “Oh dear I forgot. What a shame he won’t have a party bag.”

She then told me James is now vegan like her (was previously vegetarian). I said “Oh sorry there are no vegan pizzas ordered”. Again she looked annoyed and said how it would be awful not to feed him, so I said it was fine I’d call dominoes now to add one onto the order. She shared it with him and took the leftovers home. I was pissed off, if that was me I’d have at least ordered one myself for my child, but this woman is deeply entitled and a massive CF. I would never leave a child without food though and feel like I did the right thing.

Anyway I’ve had a text today to say how upset James is that he didn’t get a party bag, apparently the other kids are all bragging about their magic tricks that they’ve learnt with the party bag stuff and he’s feeling left out (she is forever messaging the mum’s group moaning he’s left out and nobody is his friend and expects us all to prioritise this with our own kids) and that I should have had spares.

I haven’t replied but WIBU to tell her that she should have RSVPd and the only person answerable to her son is her and her DH for sloppy organisation, and that plenty of children in the class didn’t attend the party. Also that I made reasonable adjustments for the food at my own expense. DH thinks I should send my bank details and ask for the extra £10 the vegan pizza cost!

Not always but often I find it’s the same sort to people that don’t reply until the wire.

Gosh she’s such a weirdo. Don’t let her bully you into getting her son a party bag..I’m guessing that’s what she wanted to do when she called…because what was the need to call??

Perfect response. Put the responsibility back where it belongs!

You dealt brilliantly with the situation OP! I'm normally very polite but when people are pushing all my buttons like Amanda would have done I would have been blunt : "So you showed up to a party even though you hadn't rsvp:ed and I gracefully managed to cater last minute to your child's dietary requirements and yet you are not happy because there wasn't a personal party bag for him (because I had no idea he was coming since you didn't rsvp)? "

She's probably trying to call you to ask for you to contact the magicien since you know him (eg she wants you to pay the CF). Why don't you tell her that your DC already has the colouring book for 2£ and has she got a receipt so you can change it? She just took something randomly lying around so ofcourse she doesn't have it the stingy cow. I've known some PITA mums but none as bad as your Amanda.

Another thought : why did you invite her son? Your son doesn't like playing with him from what you said earlier and his mum is a batshit crazy CF. So...why?

This isn't one of those make your own journey story books.

I’ve had some weirdo parents around in my time when my kids were younger but she sounds like one of those. I enjoyed your passive aggressive response; she absolutely deserved it!

I wouldn't even bother replying - she's not worth it. Just don't invite them again. She's obviously a complete pain in the arse.

What traditions are you talking about? That nursery and schools are free so that people can afford to work? No, stay uninterested and agree with the way your government do things. It seems to work well.

But, most people from the UK that I’ve come across are not at all like you, they are very much interested in other cultures and very open minded. On MN too when there are discussions.

I'll be surprised if the call wasn't because she'd been made aware of the thread. She should be mortified at her own poor manners, but I suspect she'll be full of righteous indignation.

The tradition of having children out for hours in -10 conditions on their birthday?

If you reply at all, go with this!

What a Cunt

I love that her name is Amanda, now my brain’s all like “But Julia, Manus didnt get a bag!!”

They were such great party bags, bet you've got the mum guilt big style. At least he got a pizza so didn't go hungry to add to your guilt 😂

Yup I'm almost certain she's seen this

Parents like this do make me laugh.

They have the time to message you to complain about the party bag but didn’t have the time to RSVP which would have avoided their child not getting a party bag.

CF

Technically his pizza cost almost as much as a party bag. And she had free leftovers (of a grim vegan pizza, lucky James) So she can do one as he wasn't even supposed to be there.

Never pick up the phone to her, only reply in writing if you feel like it, and enjoy your baked potato, that filling sounds good.

I'd ignore her. This really doesn't merit a response.

Whilst I can see the logic of this I wouldn't be able to RSVP until i knew where a party was and if I could get there! Although I'm sure if I said that to the parent they'd be able to tell me.

Anyway, @JandamiHash YANBU. Cheeky cow. I'm so glad I'm past the party stage.

The fact that you question children being out when it’s -3. But I am pretty sure you understood that.

Amazed you can’t afford party bags then…

Sorry why are people now slagging of Scandinavia?

Who says we have party bags?

And if we did, what’s your logic behind not being able to afford it..?

Your kids play out in -10 for five hours a day? Well from someone who grew up in Scandinavia and Siberia I would suspect they are wearing appropriate outdoor winter clothing such as ski pants and snow grips which children in UK do not typically wear or own. 🙄

Yeah don’t answer the phone or call her back. She deserves no more of your time. Plus you know she’d put a spin on it. She either replies or doesn’t but you have said your peace. Well done!