Child didn’t get a party bag

[JandamiHash]

Hosted my son’s 8th birthday on Sunday. I sent out invitations in December and made it clear when people had to get back to me (7th Jan). We hired a magician and included personalised party bags that the magician makes himself - they have each child’s name on the stuff inside and it also included a magic wand and some of the tricks he did on the day so the kids could try themselves at home. They were a quite expensive addition but I didn’t mind as I thought it was a nice touch. I also ordered Domino’s Pizza and just enough for the partygoers as again it can be very expensive.

One child whose parents didn’t RSVP turned up. The mum is a bit of an Amanda (as in from Motherland) and has form for being a bit of a PITA. I did say “Oh you didn’t RSVP, it’s absolutely fine to stay but sorry I don’t have a party bag for James, just to warn you.” She looked annoyed and just said “I did RSVP didn’t I?” And checked her phone before saying “Oh dear I forgot. What a shame he won’t have a party bag.”

She then told me James is now vegan like her (was previously vegetarian). I said “Oh sorry there are no vegan pizzas ordered”. Again she looked annoyed and said how it would be awful not to feed him, so I said it was fine I’d call dominoes now to add one onto the order. She shared it with him and took the leftovers home. I was pissed off, if that was me I’d have at least ordered one myself for my child, but this woman is deeply entitled and a massive CF. I would never leave a child without food though and feel like I did the right thing.

Anyway I’ve had a text today to say how upset James is that he didn’t get a party bag, apparently the other kids are all bragging about their magic tricks that they’ve learnt with the party bag stuff and he’s feeling left out (she is forever messaging the mum’s group moaning he’s left out and nobody is his friend and expects us all to prioritise this with our own kids) and that I should have had spares.

I haven’t replied but WIBU to tell her that she should have RSVPd and the only person answerable to her son is her and her DH for sloppy organisation, and that plenty of children in the class didn’t attend the party. Also that I made reasonable adjustments for the food at my own expense. DH thinks I should send my bank details and ask for the extra £10 the vegan pizza cost!

Sometimes these types rely on placing the responsibility/blame on others though, and others feeling too awkward to say anything. They can't keep doing it if they're calmly and factually called out.

Place marking for the response.,

And, bacon, cheese and beans.

Call her back via the group chat so everyone can join in!

Fantastic response! Can’t wait to hear if she replies.

my jacket potatoes are in the oven, serving with a pork chop and tenderstem broccoli.

im usually a chilli, beans or tuna girl but i threw the above together last week with some left over pork fillet and loved it so having it again.

shit tonne of thick bisto and some apple sauce on the side too, obvs 🤤

Tuna, mayo, red onion, freshly ground pepper, and salad if I'm feeling healthy 🥔

Why on earth are you enabling people like that

Perfect 😁

And not that I need to explain, but I went all out with a party as my son has had a crummy year health wise - we are in a better place than we were and I wanted him to celebrate with his friends and classmates. I’m not sure why it wouldn’t be just as memorable as any other event?

I completely agree. People these days seem to be more cheeky than ever.

i once did a party at a ninja type place for my son. There were 8 kids invited, two had siblings the same age as my daughter. Stupidly I didn’t give the ninja receptionist a list of kids names beforehand so one of the parents allowed the sibling to join in. I was so busy I didn’t realise until one of the actual party kids came in and his mum said he couldn’t enter as reception told her that all the attendees had arrived. I then paid extra for the actual party kid to join in. The extra sibling had not only joined in with her older brother, but the dad had pissed poff annd assumed it was a pick up party!!! When I told him on return he could t have given a shiny shit!

That sounds amazing! I don’t have any pork in but definitely one for next time

@JandamiHash yes, bill her for the pizza and point out that it is her unreasonableness that makes her son a no-mates. Unless the kid is awful to the other kids

Oh man now I want a baked potato!

Why have you put pig emoji?

How utterly pathetic. I would reply back “it’s such a shame James was disappointed regarding the party bag, kindly remember to not be so disorganised in the future and RSVP.”

Also, I find it very irresponsible forcing a child to be a vegan. I’m a vegetarian but ensure my dc eat meat regularly. I wouldn’t have been as accommodating as you, I would have told her to pack a packed lunch for her dc. She sounds an utter nightmare.

I understand @JandamiHash i absolutely hate talking on the phone. I haven’t spoke to one of my best friends in about a year because she loves talking on the phone and won’t text and I hate talking on the phone and prefer text/whatsapp. We still love each others fb posts though 😂

I can't believe she called you! She has some brass neck doesn't she.

Well done for your response OP, it was spot on. Perfect amount of passive aggressiveness - if that's a word... 😆

I agree actually. Why did you post the whole message on here OP? You're making a massive assumption she hasn't read this.

And I also hate talking on the phone.

Always why your better to paint the full picture. My thoughts regarding birthday parties in general as described in my original post don't change though. I hope despite the furore your son enjoyed his well deserved day.

Can't keep doing what? Blaming others for her mistakes? Complaining in an unreasonable, entitled way? She absolutely can and will continue to do that, it's her approach to life, clearly. Nothing the OP can say is going to alter this woman's approach to life / her entitlement / her being a twat.

She's explained once, at the party, that the other woman didn't RSVP. That was enough. No need to waste any further energy.

The other woman enjoys the drama / playing the victim, engaging with it is giving her more of what she likes and fuelling her. Hence the phone is now ringing. If OP had never bothered to reply, she could be doing something else with her time and not worrying about dodging a phone call. Best advice now is to answer the phone, ignore everything she says, and close with something dull, breezy and meaningless like "Glad we've sorted this out, got to go!" and giving it no more thought whatsoever.

Why the hell has she called you. She’s mad

She'll tell everyone you posted your text on mumsnet and everyone will rally round her

Most people do

I don’t see how it warrants a telephone conversation. The OP has explained to Amanda that James didn’t get a bag because Amanda didn’t reply and Amanda should try not to feel guilty about this. That’s the end of it.