Child didn’t get a party bag

[JandamiHash]

Hosted my son’s 8th birthday on Sunday. I sent out invitations in December and made it clear when people had to get back to me (7th Jan). We hired a magician and included personalised party bags that the magician makes himself - they have each child’s name on the stuff inside and it also included a magic wand and some of the tricks he did on the day so the kids could try themselves at home. They were a quite expensive addition but I didn’t mind as I thought it was a nice touch. I also ordered Domino’s Pizza and just enough for the partygoers as again it can be very expensive.

One child whose parents didn’t RSVP turned up. The mum is a bit of an Amanda (as in from Motherland) and has form for being a bit of a PITA. I did say “Oh you didn’t RSVP, it’s absolutely fine to stay but sorry I don’t have a party bag for James, just to warn you.” She looked annoyed and just said “I did RSVP didn’t I?” And checked her phone before saying “Oh dear I forgot. What a shame he won’t have a party bag.”

She then told me James is now vegan like her (was previously vegetarian). I said “Oh sorry there are no vegan pizzas ordered”. Again she looked annoyed and said how it would be awful not to feed him, so I said it was fine I’d call dominoes now to add one onto the order. She shared it with him and took the leftovers home. I was pissed off, if that was me I’d have at least ordered one myself for my child, but this woman is deeply entitled and a massive CF. I would never leave a child without food though and feel like I did the right thing.

Anyway I’ve had a text today to say how upset James is that he didn’t get a party bag, apparently the other kids are all bragging about their magic tricks that they’ve learnt with the party bag stuff and he’s feeling left out (she is forever messaging the mum’s group moaning he’s left out and nobody is his friend and expects us all to prioritise this with our own kids) and that I should have had spares.

I haven’t replied but WIBU to tell her that she should have RSVPd and the only person answerable to her son is her and her DH for sloppy organisation, and that plenty of children in the class didn’t attend the party. Also that I made reasonable adjustments for the food at my own expense. DH thinks I should send my bank details and ask for the extra £10 the vegan pizza cost!

Yes this is what I would do too. Would just call her out !

Poor James.😢

She is a world class CF and I’d be calling her out on her pathetic, entitled behaviour if it was me. Her poor kid. You can’t choose your parents.

Ahhhh just read through the whole thread - it seems you have taken my advice already basically 😂 great minds…

I’d have been very tempted to add at the end of your message “P.S. I hope you enjoyed the rest of the pizza you took home”

I would just say:

So sorry, (Amanda), about the party bags, but unfortunately they were ordered on the numbers I had, and no I didn't have any spares. I guess just have to explain to him that I hadn't had a reply to say he was coming. I can give you the details of the place if you want to order him anything? lots of love ....

🐖🐷 🍕

😂 👏 yes !!

OMFG she just tried to call me. No reply as of yet.

Im ignoring. I’ve a jacket potato in the air fryer that takes priority 🤣 filling suggestions welcome BTW.

There are some people who just life at another level. What a brilliant idea!

I’m literally on the edge of my sofa. If only there was a live streeming feature on here !

What behaviours does an ‘Amanda’ exhibit? Something like a ‘Karen’? 😏

Birthday parties are becoming more and more competitive with parents trying to do far too much for too many,often at huge costs many families can't afford. This can lead to situations where at least one person finds a reason to be disgruntled. OPs post is a typical example. There is a lot to be said for the days when children were happy with having a few friends & young family members over for food,bithday cake & party games.

Re catering….you say you didn’t have vegan option ordered before, so even if she’d rsvp’d withon days you’d have still had to order seperately…and therefore spent this. Domino has short lead time ordering (🤣🤣🤣) so this bit made no difference at all to your costs , other than being a pain on day to have to ring and add to existing order. Don’t get into argument over that, it is distraction form real issue.

re the party bag and failure to rsvp….yanbu, I think some of responses suggested about little James being let down by his unorganised parents not you are apt, but it depends how blunt you want to be. I’d certainly being having a quite word with her privately not on WhatsApp. Say your dissapointed to have finger of blame pointed at you for James dissapointment. Say clewrly if she had rsvpd on time he’d have had one too, and it was embarrassing for you to not be able to give him one. Say you never want to be in that position again. If she doesn’t think rsvp is importsnt, that’s her choice, but you will now choose to not invite James to avoid such an embarrassing situation agian. And that you expect her to explain on group that “oh dear ladies, the party bag failure was my fault, lesson learnt, get your rsvps in on time next time” or something. If she says piss off…say well that’s going to make it harder for James to have friends then I sent it and stop comms.

just my take…but extra pizza isn’t the issue, don’t send request for payment

Oh good god, the cheeky mare!

I like a bean chilli and cheese with a spud myself. DD’s baked beans and cheddar, DS likes tuna mayo.

Looks down her nose at everybody
expects everyone to centre her child
stonking sense of entitlement
Performance parenting

You have handled it great good for you.

Wasn’t that what you wanted, for her to read your post on MN and to everyone tell her what a cf she was (rightly). But now you are too much coward to answer your phone. Pretty shitty of you OP tbh.

Ooh yummy! I think I have a bean mix in the pantry. I’m thinking soured cream chives and bacon.

Or just plain old butter with a shit load of salt and pepper.

Anything to take my mind off The Fear. I hate people calling me. Even my DH knows not to call me.

No, Amanda is just like Amanda in Motherland and Karen is a misogynistic slur.

Sounds like Amanda got her comeuppance to me.

if you behave badly, don't be surprised if you get pulled up on it,

Obviously you're in the right and she's a complete twat, but satisfying as it would be to tell her so, the best course of action is to completely ignore/blank her entitled whining. I don't think anything good can come from engaging with someone like this.

This. I had thought the the trending party bag/elaborate entertainment arms races had been curtailed by Covid and not restarted.

itnsuch a blinking shame. Kids don’t remember in long term… it puts horrible pressure on parents financially and in terms of time to organise

shove a few boys into a village hall with pizza, fizz and someone with a loud whistle and some props and a few prizes and they’ll be very happy with boisterous rioting for an hour or two. That’s all. Shove cake, a bottle of bubbles, a random stupid puzzle into a bag…done. Go home. Drink wine. Wait till following year.

I'm invested in this and LOVE the update.

Also LOVE the tip re: not dis losing location until you get the RSVP

Cheeky mare.

Cheese, bacon and sour cream. Totally not vegan 🤣

TBH if she has read it I’m not bothered - we aren’t friends and perhaps a dose of reality might do her good. What’s gonna happen, I get a telling off from her?

I just don’t like speaking on the phone 🤣