Child didn’t get a party bag

[JandamiHash]

Hosted my son’s 8th birthday on Sunday. I sent out invitations in December and made it clear when people had to get back to me (7th Jan). We hired a magician and included personalised party bags that the magician makes himself - they have each child’s name on the stuff inside and it also included a magic wand and some of the tricks he did on the day so the kids could try themselves at home. They were a quite expensive addition but I didn’t mind as I thought it was a nice touch. I also ordered Domino’s Pizza and just enough for the partygoers as again it can be very expensive.

One child whose parents didn’t RSVP turned up. The mum is a bit of an Amanda (as in from Motherland) and has form for being a bit of a PITA. I did say “Oh you didn’t RSVP, it’s absolutely fine to stay but sorry I don’t have a party bag for James, just to warn you.” She looked annoyed and just said “I did RSVP didn’t I?” And checked her phone before saying “Oh dear I forgot. What a shame he won’t have a party bag.”

She then told me James is now vegan like her (was previously vegetarian). I said “Oh sorry there are no vegan pizzas ordered”. Again she looked annoyed and said how it would be awful not to feed him, so I said it was fine I’d call dominoes now to add one onto the order. She shared it with him and took the leftovers home. I was pissed off, if that was me I’d have at least ordered one myself for my child, but this woman is deeply entitled and a massive CF. I would never leave a child without food though and feel like I did the right thing.

Anyway I’ve had a text today to say how upset James is that he didn’t get a party bag, apparently the other kids are all bragging about their magic tricks that they’ve learnt with the party bag stuff and he’s feeling left out (she is forever messaging the mum’s group moaning he’s left out and nobody is his friend and expects us all to prioritise this with our own kids) and that I should have had spares.

I haven’t replied but WIBU to tell her that she should have RSVPd and the only person answerable to her son is her and her DH for sloppy organisation, and that plenty of children in the class didn’t attend the party. Also that I made reasonable adjustments for the food at my own expense. DH thinks I should send my bank details and ask for the extra £10 the vegan pizza cost!

Perfect!

Take a bow @JandamiHash - that is a top-notch reply

I remember sometimes spending a small fortune on toys for my eldest (now 11) and she’d completely ignore them for some crap she got in a party bag. She’d keep hold of something like one of those sticky climbing men for months to the point it had hair and food clinging to it and I felt too bad throwing it out 🤣

No need to apologise to me. Imagine those little toys they like x average party size of 15 children x average of 10 parties a year x hundreds of primary schools- that’s an enormous amount of landfill in just one year, in just one country. But hey, as long as the kids like those best.

Oooh that's actually really good!
Impressed with you.

I started trying to think up a passive aggressive response but actually I think I’d go for:

”Amanda, your message is unwarranted. I would have been happy to provide James with a party bag, and I am sad for him that he didn’t get one. However, the reason he didn’t have one is because they were personalised and you hadn’t RSVPed, so I had no idea he was coming. Your lack of RSVP also meant I had to provide a vegan alternative at no notice- both things were unkind of you, put me on the spot and could easily have been avoided, but NOT by me.You have no grounds whatsoever to be so rude to me, and I won’t be engaging further on this subject.”

Maybe I’m entering my “cantankerous old woman” phase…

How wasteful

tell her where you got the party bag stuff and then put her on mute for a good 6 months

BTW I find the concept on “mum guilt” misogynistic bullshit but Amanda doesn’t need to know that.

I didn’t see the comment where you accepted that - sorry, after 11 pages of comments I’m going a bit cross-eyed.

He may not have had a party bag but he did have the pizza doggy bag which the others were deprived of.

Excellent work OP.

Oops, crosspost. Well, use mine if she doesn’t piss off 😂

Top reply, @JandamiHash

I would have been tempted to mention the special pizza, but you're a better woman than I am.

Great response.

@JandamiHash we had this little squishy guy that got all sticky and hair stuck to him.
He was called Mr Squishy and despite being slightly gross and sticky he had a good life until his head was pulled off.
RIP Mr Squishy 😭

Great reply! Was the text direct to you or in a group chat? (IF group chat you will be the hero of the class given that she's pulled this on others too!)

🙏🏼

RIP all the party bag tat. Special mention goes to the football shaped rubber which managed to not only survive the toddler years as a choking hazard but also absolutely did not rub ANYHING out 😂

A direct one. Our WhatsApp group is quite eventful so I do wish it was there!

Next time - don't do such fancy party bags .Unhelpful answer

She’s read it anyway, two blue ticks

How rude of her , I'd just simply put on the group chat , thank you all for coming hope you all had a good time , then mention her and say sorry James was upset about the party bag , as you explained at the party as she didn't RSVP unfortunately one wasn't ordered for him but hope he had a good time all the same. Some people are so ungrateful!!

I hope for your sake she's not on mumsnet..

I’d love to be a fly in the wall in her house right now!

I mean obviously it’s absurd and rude and you are being kind and gracious and 100% in the right.

These sorts of women are like dogs though and this is a pissing contest. Most normal people are kind when you act kind and grateful etc. Women like this see your kindness and ate like vultures that prey on it as a sort of weakness.

Basically you’ve given her an inch and let her demand special dominos order and now she’s going in for the party bag she didn’t even rsvp for. She’s doing it because she’s trying it on and riding your good nature as hard as she can.

You can ignore this chihuahua pissing on your rug and never invite it back or you can train it - it’s really your personal choice. If you do train her you’re going to have to let her know she’s not the boss.

Send her a link for Amazon magic set or the magician so she can buy her own and organise it. If she’s that worried about her oversight impacting her kid then she can fix it.

I would send her a link and tell her that in future she needs to show you the courtesy of sending an RSVP to parties and if she wants her child to be socialised she needs to play an active part in facilitating that.