I don’t want ex partner around my kids

teenmaw · 15/01/2025 14:27

I think if your kids are graduating age you'll have very little say in whether they spend time with her. You sound jealous you need to rebuild your own life and forget about them, they're not doing anything abusive or harmful to the kids. Chicken pox are really dangerous in pregnancy if you refused out of spite then that's not cool. You need to let go of all this.

Sirzy · 15/01/2025 14:27

You expect your ex to go on holiday with you?

you may not like her but she is his partner so she is in their lives. I am generally all for not changing visits when a child is ill but I think with pregnancy and chicken pox being known risks keeping them if possible would have been nice especially if she has never had it.

BodyKeepingScore · 15/01/2025 14:27

How has she taken family days out and holidays from you?

Surely you can arrange those things with your children yourself and do them? Your ex being in a new relationship doesn't change that unless you were expecting to do those things with your ex even though you're separated?

The thrush thing wouldn't bother me massively.

I think it sounds as though you're struggling that he's moved on rather than this girl actually being the problem herself.

LittleRedRidingHoody · 15/01/2025 14:29

Honestly OP you need to take a deep breath and realise this is not something you can 'win'. There's a lot of jealousy in what you've written - of course he can see his kids, and if he wants them to see/spend time with his partner there's nothing you can do to stop it unless there's abuse, which doesn't seem to be the case.

Yes it sucks! But ultimately your children will be the ones to suffer if you keep letting the jealousy eat away at you. It sounds like your kids have a lovely relationship with her - be happy for them and organise your own family trips and holidays to spend time together. You don't need him involved to have fun, you can plan things for yourself and the kids.

Notgivenuphope · 15/01/2025 14:29

OP you are writing like a 12 year old yet you have graduation age kids?
Why is she taking things from you? Surely you do days out and holidays on your time? You sound very jealous.

Dollshousedolly · 15/01/2025 14:29

Honestly, you’re being unreasonable.

This woman is under no obligation to mind your children by herself. I don’t think many partners would be happy with their partner going on holiday with their ex and children. You do holidays with your children and separately, your ex brings them in holidays. And knowing this woman is pregnant, you should have kept your children with you when they had chicken-pox.

I don’t think you can dictate to your ex where he can see his children. And I think she was right with regards to explaining to your DD not to out soap inside herself.

Your children are also your ex’s children. You do your own fun things with them.

RhaenysRocks · 15/01/2025 14:33

Is your break up recent and did it involve her? You do sound exceptionally upset about a very normal arrangement. I'm assuming you mean a graduation from nursery or something rather than uni since most of what you've written seems to be about younger kids.

The role step parents play is a v tricky one but unless they are massively over-stepping, the don't take anything easy from the parents. Also, you can't have it both ways..if you don't want her near your kids she can't help you out with childcare.

x2boys · 15/01/2025 14:33

If she's so terrible why do you want her to.have your kids when you need her too ?
It sounds like you want it all on your terms.

Newhi · 15/01/2025 14:35

Why can’t you take your children on holiday or have a day out with them? She is their step mum as she is the mother of their sibling.

I can see why she has refused to look after your children (by the sounds of it you don’t want her to anyway), but I can’t believe you wouldn’t want to look after your own children whilst they had chicken pox!!

Original poster

charco · 15/01/2025 14:40

RhaenysRocks · 15/01/2025 14:33

Is your break up recent and did it involve her? You do sound exceptionally upset about a very normal arrangement. I'm assuming you mean a graduation from nursery or something rather than uni since most of what you've written seems to be about younger kids.

The role step parents play is a v tricky one but unless they are massively over-stepping, the don't take anything easy from the parents. Also, you can't have it both ways..if you don't want her near your kids she can't help you out with childcare.

We broke up 4 years ago they got together 2 years ago and yes I mean nursery . I don’t want them around her anymore because she is nasty and horrid and the way she talks to me is just not on all I said to her was she can’t step up if she’s so called stepmum and she sits there calling me narcissist and vile human why would I want my kids around someone who thinks she can talk to me like that

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3rdCoffeeThisMorning · 15/01/2025 14:40

I don't think OP means Uni graduation...
X posted

InterIgnis · 15/01/2025 14:41

charco · 15/01/2025 14:23

She is just not a nice person and has no respect for me and thinks she can talk to me however she likes my ex and her go behind my back to tell my kids things I don’t want them to know like that my daughter can get thrush if she put soap inside when she is washing herself and I just don’t think it’s on. She stood with my son at his graduation when it should have been me just taking things away from me. I have told him if he wants to see the kids he can see them at mine or take them to his dad’s I don’t want them near nasty people. My little boy calls her stepmum and no one tells him to stop she’s not even married to their dad so she is no stepmum she won’t even look after them when I need her to why get with someone who has kids if you won’t take them on? She has taken so much from me like family days out and family holidays I have to miss out seeing my kids doing fun things because she not comfortable me and my ex taking them away for a week is so stupid and my ex saying if their baby died it would be my fault because I wouldn’t keep the kids on his weekend when they had chicken pox it’s called being a dad

The thrush thing is good advice.

They aren’t ’your’ children more than they are their father’s, and he doesn’t need your permission to talk to them about things you don’t want them to know, or to allow his partner to.

Why would you expect her to provide childcare for you? That isn’t something a stepparent has to offer at all. It’s also hardly surprising that she isn’t comfortable at the thought of her partner going on holiday with his ex.

TankFlyBossWalkJamNittyGrittyIAmFromAMidSizeCity · 15/01/2025 14:42

How can she look after the kids if she can't be around them due to being so terrible? Video link? Telepathy?

You, like other single parents, can take the kids away by yourself, you don't need your ex there, same with days out.

They are a family now, whether you like it or not.

Original poster

charco · 15/01/2025 14:44

TankFlyBossWalkJamNittyGrittyIAmFromAMidSizeCity · 15/01/2025 14:42

How can she look after the kids if she can't be around them due to being so terrible? Video link? Telepathy?

You, like other single parents, can take the kids away by yourself, you don't need your ex there, same with days out.

They are a family now, whether you like it or not.

I don’t drive and he was ok do it before she came along and told him not to

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SuchiRolls · 15/01/2025 14:44

I’m sorry OP but you come across as being very emotionally immature. I completely understand how it feels like she’s encroaching on your life, but when you are co-parenting with someone you have to accept that other person is very much a part of their life as well. Giving advice to your children such as she has, shows she cares about them, I don’t see a harm in that? It seems there’s a lot of animosity towards her and this may well be with good reason. If she’s making nasty comments about you personally then that’s for your ex partner to deal with. If she chooses not to look after them, then whatever her reason, you have to accept that because at the end of the day, they are your and their dads responsibility. Take the issues up with him if you feel it necessary?

as for the chicken pox, why would you not want them to stay out given they were ill? You sound very bitter. Don’t let it get a grip on your life because it’ll start seeping in to your own time with your children if you’re not careful. Make your own family time/holidays etc. You can’t control how someone else behaves.

x2boys · 15/01/2025 14:46

charco · 15/01/2025 14:40

We broke up 4 years ago they got together 2 years ago and yes I mean nursery . I don’t want them around her anymore because she is nasty and horrid and the way she talks to me is just not on all I said to her was she can’t step up if she’s so called stepmum and she sits there calling me narcissist and vile human why would I want my kids around someone who thinks she can talk to me like that

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Yet you think she should mind your kids for her when you need her too do basically your happy for them to be around her only when it suits you?

TankFlyBossWalkJamNittyGrittyIAmFromAMidSizeCity · 15/01/2025 14:46

charco · 15/01/2025 14:44

I don’t drive and he was ok do it before she came along and told him not to

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He has boundries now he's in a relationship.

You can still take the kids on holiday and days out on public transport though. Nothing stopping you.

Sirzy · 15/01/2025 14:49

He is allowed to have boundaries. That is healthy.

not driving doesn’t mean you can’t take your children away. It may make it harder but that’s for you to figure not him!

holju · 15/01/2025 14:51

Please don't take this badly but your writing style and the actual things you are writing make it sound like you are struggling to cope mentally and emotionally. Please see your GP about some mental health support if you haven't already.

HPandthelastwish · 15/01/2025 14:52

You need to let go.
He shouldn't have been going away with you, it can be very confusing for young children

You need to start sorting yourself out and planning days out on public transport if you don't drive. Book Butlins (or a Premier Inn in ay seaside town) bus t the train station,train to the destination, walk, taxi or bus to the Butlins or Premier Inn they are all positioned near close by transport hubs.

You don't get to say who spends time with your children when they are with their dad. You may not like him, her, or the choice he has made but if the court/you decided he was sound enough to take care of the children you need to respect his decisions providing they are not putting your children in actual danger.

mollymazda · 15/01/2025 14:52

Why would you want to go away for a 'family weekend break' with your ex? especially as it looks like your children are a little older? (Son just graduated so must be 20/21ish?).

There's lots going on with your post, you say she won't look after your kids when you need her too? there is never any time where you should need your ex's partner to look after your kids, surely thats his job?

You do sound very jealous of his new relationship, and the relationship she seems to be building with your children, and i'm afraid you are going to have to suck it up buttercup, because this is what happens in real life!

As most have already said, you sound very bitter! You need to start building your own life now.

mollymazda · 15/01/2025 14:56

charco · 15/01/2025 14:44

I don’t drive and he was ok do it before she came along and told him not to

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i mean this in the kindest way, but her telling him to stop driving you about is actually the right thing to do! you are ex's, you have separate lives and you are muddying the boundaries as far as your children are concerned when you keep falling back into happy families with this man!

you very clearly still have feelings for you ex, and i assume you are jealous that he's moved on now and you've realised that the relationship is actually over (while he was driving you about there was still hope)

FlowerP0w3r · 15/01/2025 14:59

Just clocked you mean nursery graduation. My God.

littlespoonlifer · 15/01/2025 15:00

she's not wrong about the thrush thing.
you could have stood there too at graduation.
you can't dictate where he sees his kids
you don't have to be married to be a stepmum
she doesn't need to look after your children for you. She could decide to help your ex but certainly doesn't need to be the unpaid nanny for you
why would you and your ex go on holiday together when he has a new partner and baby. They are a family now, NOT a family with you
truth be told that's disgusting refusing to cancel the e kids going to your exs this weekend when you knew they had chicken pox and they have a new baby. Obviously it makes sense that if your kid has an infectious desease that can be serious for a baby that you don't force contact to go ahead. That is cruel. It's called being a mother

Original poster

charco · 15/01/2025 15:01

mollymazda · 15/01/2025 14:52

Why would you want to go away for a 'family weekend break' with your ex? especially as it looks like your children are a little older? (Son just graduated so must be 20/21ish?).

There's lots going on with your post, you say she won't look after your kids when you need her too? there is never any time where you should need your ex's partner to look after your kids, surely thats his job?

You do sound very jealous of his new relationship, and the relationship she seems to be building with your children, and i'm afraid you are going to have to suck it up buttercup, because this is what happens in real life!

As most have already said, you sound very bitter! You need to start building your own life now.

His nursery graduation he kept running off and she got him and stood at the front with him when I should be at the front with him I’m his mum. Im not jealous she is nothing to be jealous of I have moved on and have my own partner and our daughter now to I am just not happy with how she thinks she can talk to me . My ex is always saying he can’t just take time off work with. click of his fingers so if she wants to be step mum she can step up and have the kids when he can’t and I need the help I m the one doing all the school meetings for my son not him and not her so she can watch them when he cant don’t think that’s wrong of me to ask if her . They make my kids stay in their room when they ill so there precious baby doessnt catch it its a joke or ask if I want to keep hold of them on his day because there baby is poorly and they don’t want the kids to catch it why not stick your baby in bed like you do to my kids

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